She’s trying to hide her past
Like the previous type of lie, this one is an attempt to wipe the slate clean, to start fresh with a new man. It could be because she’s ashamed of her past, but it could also be because she wants to forget it. This is often a lie to protect a sexual history that she thinks you’ll judge her for.
What you should do: A lie like this can be dangerous; if she’s lying about whom she’s been with, there’s a reason why, so be sure you know what you’re getting into. If she does come clean about her past, however, make sure that you’re sensitive in your reaction. After all, the fear of a negative reaction is exactly why she lied.
She’s protecting herself
If she’s trying to keep her distance from you, she might be afraid of making herself vulnerable. She probably believes that if you don’t know about the skeletons in her closet, it’ll be easier for her to walk away from you without getting hurt. This is a popular defense mechanism, but it can be very hard to relate to a person who’s caged herself off from you.
What you should do: If you think she’s worth the trouble, do your best to make her feel more comfortable so that she can open up. If she doesn’t crack after a while, however, furthering the relationship will be next to impossible and probably not worth your time.
She doesn’t want you to worry
If you’re concerned about that male coworker she’s been spending so much time with, she might lie about the time they spend together. This doesn’t mean that there’s anything going on; she’s just doing what she wants without having you fret about it. Or if you worry about her when she jogs outside at night, she might do it anyway and just not tell you. These are relatively well-meaning lies, but they are still quite damaging. When you finally find out the truth, you’ll likely have trouble trusting her.
What you should do: Explain to her that lies are not the easy way out of tough situations. If she wants to do something and you’re stewing about it, maybe you need to trust her judgment a little more. On the other hand, if she’s just willing to white-lie her way through life, perhaps you should cut and run.
She doesn’t trust you
She may have information she considers sensitive and isn’t sure whether to tell you about it. If you don’t know each other very well yet, this could be a legitimate lie to protect others’ interests. As such, it should be seen as a relatively loyal gesture toward those she’s protecting. However, if you’re well into your relationship and she’s still hiding all sorts of information from you, she might have major trust issues.
What you should do: Confront her about her lack of trust. Is it founded on past experiences of you blabbing or is she just being paranoid? Be sure she knows that you think lying is out of bounds and that a lack of trust is not a solid basis for a relationship. ( askman.com ) Next Page ...
Like the previous type of lie, this one is an attempt to wipe the slate clean, to start fresh with a new man. It could be because she’s ashamed of her past, but it could also be because she wants to forget it. This is often a lie to protect a sexual history that she thinks you’ll judge her for.
What you should do: A lie like this can be dangerous; if she’s lying about whom she’s been with, there’s a reason why, so be sure you know what you’re getting into. If she does come clean about her past, however, make sure that you’re sensitive in your reaction. After all, the fear of a negative reaction is exactly why she lied.
She’s protecting herself
If she’s trying to keep her distance from you, she might be afraid of making herself vulnerable. She probably believes that if you don’t know about the skeletons in her closet, it’ll be easier for her to walk away from you without getting hurt. This is a popular defense mechanism, but it can be very hard to relate to a person who’s caged herself off from you.
What you should do: If you think she’s worth the trouble, do your best to make her feel more comfortable so that she can open up. If she doesn’t crack after a while, however, furthering the relationship will be next to impossible and probably not worth your time.
She doesn’t want you to worry
If you’re concerned about that male coworker she’s been spending so much time with, she might lie about the time they spend together. This doesn’t mean that there’s anything going on; she’s just doing what she wants without having you fret about it. Or if you worry about her when she jogs outside at night, she might do it anyway and just not tell you. These are relatively well-meaning lies, but they are still quite damaging. When you finally find out the truth, you’ll likely have trouble trusting her.
What you should do: Explain to her that lies are not the easy way out of tough situations. If she wants to do something and you’re stewing about it, maybe you need to trust her judgment a little more. On the other hand, if she’s just willing to white-lie her way through life, perhaps you should cut and run.
She doesn’t trust you
She may have information she considers sensitive and isn’t sure whether to tell you about it. If you don’t know each other very well yet, this could be a legitimate lie to protect others’ interests. As such, it should be seen as a relatively loyal gesture toward those she’s protecting. However, if you’re well into your relationship and she’s still hiding all sorts of information from you, she might have major trust issues.
What you should do: Confront her about her lack of trust. Is it founded on past experiences of you blabbing or is she just being paranoid? Be sure she knows that you think lying is out of bounds and that a lack of trust is not a solid basis for a relationship. ( askman.com ) Next Page ...
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