At 34, Am I a Hard Sell?

At 34, Am I a Hard Sell? - I recently went to a professional matchmaker in New York City who set me up with a man who'd had a facelift and stared approvingly at himself in the mirror behind the bar the entire evening. When he wasn't self-admiring or sniffling or licking his lips wildly, he was in the loo. Maybe he just had a bad cold and was poorly self-medicated.

I was also introduced to a 51-year-old Michael Bolton clone with a mild, but noticeable, speech impediment who lives in another city where he writes scientific textbooks for a living.

Call it female intuition, but somehow I knew I wasn't going to be walking down the aisle with either of these men.

When I reported back to the agency to see if there was perhaps a more suitable match, the male owner -- a self-professed metrosexual -- informed me that my age (34) is a "hard sell" because most of his clients -- primarily men over 35 -- pay a chunk of change to meet smart, successful, attractive and -- drumroll -- younger women.

"But I look 25! But someone with decent eyesight once said I look like Angelina Jolie's lovechild! How can this be?" I cried.

"It's biology," he said bluntly. "Everyone knows women have fewer eggs as they age."

While this biological factoid is no newsflash, I bit my tongue as he continued on: "We only hear about the one woman over forty who had the baby, not about the millions who couldn't."

I didn't even realize that men wanted children so badly. What was this, a procreation agency?

Or was this just a jerk being a jerk?

Of course I'm not in denial about the realities of a woman's fertility after a certain age. Society constantly reminds us of our biological clocks. We've all heard that a third of women have fertility problems after the age of 35.

But I still don't think that having only a handful of months left before I reach what Mr. Matchmaker delightfully calls the "turning point age" for women is reason enough for me to shack up with facelift guy (and thanks to that little catch phrase, I now feel like my female organs will spontaneously combust on my next birthday).

Needless to say, it was not a heartwarming experience to have the male owner of this agency talk to me about my eggs. After we hung up, I cried for an hour like the sensitive fool that I am. I'm never going to have babies! I'm DeadEggs! I sobbed into my pillow like it was the end of the world.

As if he of all people had the final say on that matter. After all, this was a man I'd only met once when I was invited into the agency's chic offices, where I was briefly inspected by him, his staff and the office pet, a large poodle that repeatedly lunged at my crotch as I awkwardly tried to express what I was looking for in a man. I dished out my checklist (why not ask for the moon?) and left the agency feeling buoyant and happy to have passed on the responsibility of matchmaking to a professional after many half-hearted attempts by myself.

Of course, I had my reservations. I couldn't help but wonder -- if these men are paying for dates, what's wrong with them? But online dating -- although definitely a source of amusement -- strains my eyes and the bar scene is, well, vaguely soul-destroying. Besides, when it comes to New York, as Millionaire Matchmaker's Patti Stanger aptly put it: "Where are the men?" She says women in New York have to be more proactive than in any other city in the United States. Being reminded of the widely reported five-to-one female/male ratio is enough to convince me that I have to make more of a solid effort in order to find a soul mate in this city.

Although online dating freaks me out a bit, I do currently have 258 unread messages in my OkCupid inbox when my profile clearly states my age. They may call themselves "NeedThemEggs," "milkybunees" and "fire_crotch," but at least they're not ageist. I don't have time to go through them all, but apparently there are men out there who would consider dating a woman as ancient as I am.

So you can imagine my surprise when Mr. Matchmaker came down hard on me, telling me I needed to be more "open-minded" because the pickins' were slim at my age; that I should give the Michael Bolton look-alike a fair chance because he really liked me. But he wore bellbottom jeans, I insisted, has no hair and doesn't get my jokes -- not even the funny ones. Yet I was made to feel that because of my dinosaur age (note: sarcasm), I'm not allowed to be so picky. How dare I demand a sense of humor when I should just be happy he has legs! Clearly, I'm getting just what I deserve for not putting my love life first all these years.

Although I don't recall putting "keen on immediate procreation" in the agency questionnaire, I would be lying if I said it doesn't cross my mind every time I spot a pair of chubby little feet sticking out of a stroller. However, I know many women my age and older who don't feel this way at all, some who are entirely indifferent about having children and some who simply don't want them.

Yet I do understand where his clients are coming from. They may want twenty-somethings for superficial reasons, or perhaps these men already have spawn from previous relationships and are in no mood to reproduce in the near future, or they want children, but eons from now and the idea of dating a woman in her mid-thirties causes them to experience repeated nightmares of being dragged to Babies"R"Us nine months after a first date. Or maybe they don't even want kids, but they like to keep their options open just in case.

And for the matchmaker, this is a business and the women are commodities. Aging pieces of meat. Forget the sanctity of a relationship. Yet love in the real world is much more complicated, nuanced and spontaneous. If you look at marriage through an old-fashioned lens, perhaps professional matchmaking makes sense -- bringing people of similar socio-economic backgrounds and shared goals together. And I'm sure it can work, as it has done so for centuries.

But for me, a hopeless romantic -- admittedly unwilling to settle for a butterfly-less union -- I sensed it was too inhibiting, too formulaic, based on circumstances that were out of my control (e.g., date of birth); that it didn't allow for the natural course of things, for people from different walks of life to cross over and perhaps fall in love the way I always expected it to happen to me. At a friend's dinner party or in the airport, at Pret a Manger or while climbing Mount Everest -- you really just never know.

"It's a number's game," says my friend's therapist. I may have to kiss a lot of frogs before landing my Brad Pitt, or, at the very minimum, a guy with a decent pseudonym. But I don't think I'm a hard sell at all. I just think it's a tough market.

I guess the important thing is to just get out there, whether or not you go through a matchmaker.

But if you do try that route, just be sure to lie about your age. ( huffingtonpost.com )

READ MORE - At 34, Am I a Hard Sell?

Happiness and Health Go Together

Happiness and Health Go Together - Happiness and health have been anecdotally linked for quite a while now--'laughter is the best medicine' has become a cliche' for a reason--but relatively new research has been backing up what many people have instinctively assumed all along: that happiness and health really are connected, and that one's level of happiness really can impact the level of one's health.

The relatively new field of Positive Psychology is exploring the factors that contribute to emotional resilience, happiness and health, among other life-affirming topics, and what we now know for certain about these topics can help us all life healthier, more meaningful lives--and reduce stress.

“Experiences that induce positive emotion cause negative emotion to dissipate rapidly. The strengths and virtues…function to buffer against misfortune and against the psychological disorders, and they may be the key to building resilience. The best therapists do not merely heal damage; they help people identify and build their strengths and their virtues,” wrote Martin Seligman, the father of the field of Positive Psychology, in his book Authentic Happiness. And solid research continues to culminate, supporting this view. Here are a few studies on happiness and health:

Happiness and health are linked in important ways.Photo from iStockPhoto.com

Happiness and Longevity:

A landmark study involving nuns was able to pinpoint health benefits that come with positive emotion. (Nun studies work well because so many other lifestyle variables are uniform, so reported differences can often be narrowed down to a handful of factors, like personality and outlook.) In studying the lives and deaths of the nuns, given clues to their emotional state, researchers were able to make an important discovery about happiness and health--positive emotion is correlated with longevity! 90% of the most cheerful quarter of nuns was alive at the age of eighty-five, whereas only 34% of the least cheerful quarter lived to that age. Similarly, 54% of the most cheerful fourth was alive at age ninety-four, versus 11% of the least cheerful.


Happiness and Marriage:

As if that’s not enough, positive emotion is also linked by research to marital satisfaction. In another astonishing study, researchers were able to examine the cheerfulness of smiles in women’s yearbook photos and predict which ones, on average, would be more likely married, stay married and experience more personal wellbeing over the next thirty years. (Hint: it was, again, the most cheerful group.) What’s striking about this is that healthy relationships are linked to strong immunity and, thus, overall health and so the ‘upward spiral’ continues.


Happiness and Optimism:

Researchers have also found optimists to have longer lives. Optimism is distinct from positive emotion, though the two are related. Rather than just being cheerful, however, optimists tend to see the world in a distinct way: when positive events occur in their lives, they give themselves personal credit, attribute the cause to lasting traits under their control, and see each good event as a sign that more positive events are to come. (See this article for more on traits of optimists.) This specific lens through which they see the world allows them to maintain more of an internal locus of control (a sense of personal control over things), as well as resulting health-promoting behaviors and is associated with many benefits, including longevity: one study found that optimists had a 19% loner life span on average. Clearly, happiness and health can be linked by optimism.


Happiness and 'Mature Defenses':

Another factor that’s closely related to positive emotion and optimism is a set of strengths known as ‘mature defenses’. These traits, which are not displayed by everyone, and vary over a lifespan, include altruism, the ability to delay gratification, future-mindedness and humor. According to a Harvard study that followed a cohort of men through their lives, the mature defenses are closely linked with joy in living, high income and a vigorous old age in men from varied backgrounds.


Happiness and Health:

Happiness researcher Robert Holden conducted a survey and found that 65 out of 100 people would choose happiness over health, but that both were highly valued. Fortunately, we don’t have to choose: happiness and health go hand-in-hand. As Holden stated, “[T]here is no true health without happiness”.


There is also ample evidence that unhappiness—depression, anxiety, and stress, for example—are also linked to poorer health outcomes. These negative states, if chronic, can dampen immunity and increase inflammation in the body leading to a multitude of diseases and conditions. The principles of Positive Psychology can combat these negative states, further increasing the likelihood of health. ( about.com )

READ MORE - Happiness and Health Go Together

Ten Ways to Boost Your Brain Power

Ten Ways to Boost Your Brain Power - Brain fitness is a hot topic at work. Our jobs require sharp intellectual performance for everything from recalling important client or product information to learning training materials or just keeping track of key documents. No wonder corporate leaders and entrepreneurs alike have taken notice of this current health trend.

Although the science of brain health remains young, the research clearly indicates that there is much we can do to improve how well we multitask and remember details such as names. Building better brain health can help us boost these skills and also lower our risk of serious memory loss.

The findings can be surprising, as they often suggest activities that we don’t usually associate with brain fitness, such as staying socially active or getting regular exercise.

Here are 10 brain-smart things you can start doing right now to boost your brain power at work. You can do them in five minutes, or spend more time on them over the course of the day if your schedule allows. All are geared to giving your brain an awesome on-the-job workout.

1. Rearrange Your Desk.

Clear some clutter from your life. Folks who are organized remember better. Why? Because they have mastered one of the secrets to better memory -- getting organized. Spend five minutes organizing your desk, getting rid of what is non-essential. Keep out papers that require immediate attention, filing away what you can. Look over how your desk is organized and see if you can think of a better way to put it all together.

2. Read a Poem.

Reading poetry gets us to think out of our workday "box" and is a wonderful source of intellectual challenge and pleasure. Find a poem and spend five minutes reading and musing it over. Bring a book of favorite poetry to keep on your desk or visit the website of the Academy of American Poets at www.poets.org. You can even sign up for their "Poem a Day" program and get a poem sent to your inbox each day.

3. Take a 5-Minute Yoga Break.

This tip is all about bringing a little "ohm" into your life. Yoga is the perfect brain-health exercise. It supports aerobic workouts by building strength and stamina, trains our focus, and is a terrific resource for maintaining emotional balance. The Kripalu Center offers a series of such breaks you can download to your computer or other media player on their website at www.kripalu.org.

4. Doodle. Do you doodle?

Many of us (including folks such as Bill Gates and former President Clinton) do. But did you know that doodling is good for your brain health? Recent research suggests that doodling helps us maintain focus and remember more effectively. A recent study published in Applied Cognitive Psychology found that subjects assigned a doodling task performed 29 percent better than their non-doodling counterparts on a surprise memory test covering the material they were learning simultaneously. Doodling improves attention, making it more likely that you will acquire things that you later want to recall. So when you are in a meeting or on a conference call, go ahead and doodle -- no need to apologize.

5. Keep Up Your Social Network.

Studies have shown that folks who are more social have an associated reduced risk for memory loss. In one recent study, Harvard researchers found that persons with lower levels of social interaction were much more likely to show memory problems after six years than their more social peers. Remember, no man -- or woman -- is an island. Reach out from behind that desk and connect with your family and friends for five minutes. It’s good for your soul and good for your brain.

6. Play Online.

Research has shown that we can better maintain intellectual skills critical to our work performance by giving them a good "workout." One of the best ways to keep these skills sharp is to play games against the clock, since timed activities force us to focus, think fast and be nimble in our approach. Games we play online tend to be timed and can give our brains a terrific skills challenge. So take a few minutes during lunch or as your schedule permits to get your brain in the game.

7. Jump Some Jacks.

Here's a tip that's pretty basic, but packed with brain boosting power. Aerobic exercise is one of the best things we can do for our brain, as it revs up our daily performance and reduces our long-term dementia risk. Jumping jacks are a simple calesthenic exercise you can do in a small space that will quickly get your blood pumping.

8. Wear Your Watch Upside Down.

Give your brain a little stretch each time you check your watch by wearing your watch upside down. This subtle change doesn't take much effort, but will force your brain to think out of its comfort zone in making sense of time gone a bit topsy-turvy. These kinds of "neurobic" activities may seem simple and fun, yet are a terrific way to challenge your brain's flexibility and routine.

9. Plan Some Brain Healthy Meals.

Invest five minutes in laying out a meal plan for the upcoming few days. Giving some thought in advance to what you are going to eat will increase the chances that you will make brain healthy food choices. Deciding ahead can also get you organized and save you time shopping and cooking your meals (and who doesn't need more time?).

10. Learn How to Remember a Name.

Here's a smart tip we can all really use: Spend time learning some simple memory strategies to boost your memory for names. For example, try repeating information as you hear it. This easy technique will force you to focus on what you are learning and give you the chance to rehearse it, increasing the odds that you'll remember it. Or use my Connections Technique and make a connection between what you are learning and something that you already know. Meeting Florence? Connect her name to a famous Florence, such as Florence Nightingale, or to the city of Florence in Italy. ( foxnews.com )

READ MORE - Ten Ways to Boost Your Brain Power

Happy marriage cuts fatal stroke risk for men

Happy marriage cuts fatal stroke risk for men - If you are a man, marriage can cut your risk of stroke, unless you are in an unhappy one, say researchers.

A study of 10,000 Israelis found both bachelors and those in loveless marriages had a far higher risk of fatal stroke than happily married men.

Experts said the work, presented at the American Stroke Association's International Conference, showed the power of loving relationships.

But they said a healthy lifestyle was the best way to avoid a stroke.

A happy marriage could bring health benefits

Marital satisfaction

The study, carried out by Uri Goldbourt from Tel Aviv University, analysed questionnaires filled out in the early 1960s by male civil servants and municipal employees.

The participants, who had an average age of 49, were asked to rate the success of their marriage.

The quality of people's relationships has a real knock-on effect on many aspects of their lives including their health. Mel Merritt , Relate

The researchers looked at those who died from strokes during the subsequent 34 years and compared it with the questionnaire findings.

After adjusting for factors like socio-economic status and taking into account stroke factors like blood pressure and smoking, the researchers found a striking link between fatal stroke risk and marital status.

Single men had a 64% higher risk of fatal stroke than men who were married.

But when the researchers delved further, they found the quality of the marriage was important.

Men in unhappy marriages also had a 64% higher risk when compared with those happily married.

"I had not expected that unsuccessful marriage would be of this statistical importance," said Professor Goldbourt.

The research is a snapshot of Israel from more than four decades ago, he said.

I had not expected that unsuccessful marriage would be of this statistical importance Professor Uri Goldbourt, Tel Aviv University

"How much this reflects associations between being happily or relatively happily married and stroke-free survival in other populations, at later times, is not readily deduced."

But previous research has suggested the quality of relationships can impact on health.

Studies have shown that stressful relationships can boost the risk of heart problems, and that being happy can reduce the risk of heart disease.

Knock-on effect

The findings of the Israeli study are not surprising, according to Mel Merritt of the relationship charity Relate.

She said: "This research reaffirms what we already know that the quality of people's relationships has a real knock-on effect on many aspects of their lives including their health.

"As a society we should invest in relationship support because happy relationships benefit us all by contributing to people's wellbeing, increasing productivity at work and improving people's health."

Lifestyle matters

Strokes cause many deaths each year. Experts say there are many contributory factors besides marital status.

Dr Peter Coleman, Deputy Director of Research at the Stroke Association said: "Around 50,000 men will have a first stroke in the UK every year and out of all people who have a stroke about a third are likely to die, a third will make a recovery within one month and a third will be left with a severe disability.

"No matter what your marital status, leading a healthy lifestyle, taking regular exercise, consuming a diet low in saturated fat and salt and having your blood pressure checked regularly are all ways to significantly reduce your risk of having a stroke." ( bbc.co.uk )

READ MORE - Happy marriage cuts fatal stroke risk for men

Attractive men have long... ring fingers

Attractive men have long... ring fingers – The longer a man's fourth or ring finger is compared to his index finger, the more likely he is to be judged attractive by women, according to a study released Wednesday.

The results, published in the British Royal Society's journal Biological Sciences, unveil intricate links between foetal exposure of males to hormones, the development of certain physical traits, and what turns on the opposite sex.

It also adds to a growing body of research -- conducted under the banner of evolutionary psychology -- suggesting that the drivers of human behaviour are found, more than previously suspected, in "nature" rather than "nurture."

Earlier studies had already shown that the size ratio between the fourth and second fingers, especially of the right hand, is a reliable indicator of the extent a man was exposed to testosterone while still in the womb.

The bigger the gap between a longer ring finger and a shorter index, the greater the likely impact of the hormone.

Photo illustration - Photo illustration. The longer a man's fourth or ring finger is compared to his index finger, the more likely he is to be judged attractive by women, according to a study released Wednesday

For the new study, scientists led by Camille Ferdenzi of the University of Geneva designed an experiment to find out if women are drawn to the telltale signs of high testosterone levels in men -- a symmetrical face, a deeper voice, a particular body odour -- who have this more "masculine" finger configuration.

More than 80 women university students between 18 and 34 looked at pictures of 49 similarly aged men, and were asked to evaluate them for masculinity and attractiveness.

Smaller groups of women listened to recordings of the male voices, and smelled samples of their body odour, taken from cotton pads worn under the arm for 24 hours.

"The aim was to understand what makes a man attractive," and whether at least some of those qualities "were in part conditioned by the foetal environment," Ferdenzi said in an interview.

For the visual test, the results were unambiguous. "The longer the ring finger compared to the index -- that is, the greater the exposure to testosterone -- the more attractive the face was rated," she said by phone.

"We also found that attractiveness and symmetry in the face are highly correlated."

Such a preference might have evolved to boost a female's chances of reproductive success through mating with a more virile partner, she said.

Surprisingly, however, women did not consistently tag the same men as "masculine".

Nor did their preferences for voice or odours correspond to the longer ring-finger males.

"There wasn't any relation between the 2D-4D" -- 2nd digit, 4th digit -- "ratio and the reactions of the women to odour," Ferdenzi said.

One reason, she speculated, may be that voice and body odour are more dependent on fluctuating levels of adult testosterone than on pre-natal testosterone.

The ring-index finger ratio has also proven to be a useful indicator for gauging the risk of prostate cancer, likewise tied to high levels of testosterone.

Research published in December showed that the chances of developing the disease drop by a third in men whose index finger is longer than their ring finger.

Other studies have also found a link between exposure to hormones before birth and the development of other diseases, including breast cancer and osteoarthritis. ( Agence France Presse )

READ MORE - Attractive men have long... ring fingers

Five Steps to Help You Stay Calm in a Crisis

Five Steps to Help You Stay Calm in a Crisis - What would your emergency response to a crisis look like? Prepare yourself for the day when you’re not imagining the unimaginable

From coffeemaker malfunctions to wardrobe malfunctions, life throws challenges at you on a daily basis, but you can't know how you'll respond in a true crisis until the unthinkable presents itself. For Daniel Hernandez, the 20-year-old intern to U.S. Representative Gabrielle Giffords, day five of his new job was life-changing. The tragic shooting in the Arizona supermarket parking lot and his quick response to apply pressure to Giffords's wound demonstrated that the guy has what it takes to keep his cool under fire—both literal and political. "I think what is sometimes surprising is how many people may rise to the occasion in a time of crisis," says Victoria Follette, Ph.D., a psychology professor at the University of Nevada at Reno. "Many people at the site of the Tucson tragedy responded in a selfless manner."

But how can you know if you'll respond with the ease of Daniel Hernandez or with a panic attack? "At times of crisis, many people respond in 'fight or flight,' which is the body's primitive response to a perceived threat or attack," explains Laura Streyffeler, Ph.D., a psychologist in Florida who specializes in traumatic stress. "Often the body appears to go on 'auto-pilot.' I have found that the more prepared and balanced a person is in his or her life, the more likely he or she will be more proactive than reactive during the crisis or event." Just like your Girl Scout troop leader taught you, always be prepared. Here are five steps for starting now.

1. LIVE A MEANINGFUL LIFE.

What you did yesterday may seem irrelevant if your house is burning down, but Follette says that living your life a certain way can make a difference when push comes to shove. "I think that some people are very clear on their values and are always living in a manner that is consistent with those valued directions," she says. "That's why people don't need to think when they decide to move to protect their child from harm." Parent or not, having a clear idea of what's really important in your life may help you act to preserve it in a critical moment.

2. DEVISE A PLAN OF ACTION NOW.

"Being prepared for a crisis, such as having a building evacuation plan, knowing first aid/CPR, or participating in fire drills, is always helpful," says Streyffeler. "Having a feeling of knowing what to do when a crisis arises often gives those involved a sense of control and direction. A proactive crisis response is always better than a reactive one."

3. BREATHE.

Simple as it seems, if you can forget to breathe when you're practicing Cobra on the yoga mat, you can definitely forget when you're face-to-face with one in the wild. "During a crisis the cardiovascular and respiratory systems speed up and often go into 'overdrive'," explains Streyffeler. "Breathing deeply will help slow down the physical body, which allows the mental and emotional body to slow down as well."

4. PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK.

"Positive self-talk before and during a crisis is often helpful," says Streyffeler. Telling yourself how brave you are may help you believe it and overcome your fear. "Courage is facing adversity in the face of fear," says Follette. "Those who are able to allow courage to trump their fear will act more quickly, responsibly, safely, and ultimately heroically in a crisis."

5. LIVE IN THE MOMENT.

"I think the most important thing someone does in a crisis is to stay very mindful of the present situation and to focus on the most useful action in the present moment," says Follette. "A crisis is not the time for what-ifs or considering a range of future consequences." She says hospital emergency-room personnel and soldiers in combat use this technique every day. "Mindfulness is a skill that can be improved with practice," she says. "In being mindful we are better able to set aside our thoughts and feelings and just focus on this moment and what is the most useful next step." Practice by trying to focus only on your dishes next time you're washing them or only on your dog next time you're walking him. ( womenshealthmag.com)

READ MORE - Five Steps to Help You Stay Calm in a Crisis

The most extravagant weddings

The most extravagant weddings - Prince William's wedding is expected to rank among the most expensive of modern times. These are the A-list blowouts it will be judged against.

When it comes to getting married, the rich are really no different than you or me: They want to have weddings to remember. Their financial firepower just gives them more ways to pump up the drama than the average U.S. bride and groom with a $24,000 budget.

Rather than a simple spray of white roses, Donald Trump wed Melania Knauss amid 10,000 roses, peonies and hydrangeas. Where the more common man might have had Uncle Tony's son's garage band play at the reception, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise had Andrea Bocelli.

When Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, the heir to the throne in Dubai, married Princess Salama in 1981, his proud parents built a 20,000-seat stadium for the week-long celebration, the most expensive wedding on record at $100 million in today's dollars. The sheikh visited every town in the emirate by horseback during that week, and fed them all. During the ceremony, wedding gifts for his bride were delivered by 20 bejeweled camels.

When Indian steel barron Lakshmi Mittal married off his daughter Vanisha in 2005, the family sent out 20-page invitations contained in silver boxes. Mittal paid for 1,000 guests to stay for five days in five-star Paris hotels. The reception was held at the Palace of Versailles and concluded with a celebratory fireworks display at the Eiffel Tower. Total cost: $60 million, the third most expensive wedding of modern times by our estimation.

Across the channel, the British royal family has been no stranger to opulent nuptials. When Prince Charles married Lady Diana Spencer in 1981, the fairy-tale wedding, complete with horse, carriage and a worldwide TV audience of 750 million, had a price tag to match: an estimated $70 million in today's dollars, No. 2 on our list, with Diana's ivory silk gown alone believed to have cost more than $15,000.

Prince William and fiancee Kate Middleton will reportedly take a more low-key approach to their big day, opting to arrive in a car rather than the traditional horse-drawn carriage. Despite the nod to more austere times, the estimates are still staggering. Reports suggest the wedding could top $30 million.

Perhaps the propensity for all of us, rich and not-so-rich, to go over the top for our wedding is an attempt to make sure we're serious about our mate on the first go-round. An opulent service, with vows made in front of hundreds, can place an obligation on the bride and groom to work through rough patches rather than toss it all aside at the first hint of rough water.

But no amount of glitz and expensive pageantry offers any guarantee. Take Liza Minnelli and David Gest. Michael Jackson served as best man at their $3.5 million wedding in 2002. Natalie Cole sang "Unforgettable." The ultra-A-list guest list, which one wag labeled "night of 1,000 facelifts," included Elton John, Elizabeth Taylor, Kirk Douglas, Mickey Rooney, Barbara Walters and 1,500 others. Yet a mere 18 months later, the two split up amid accusations by Minnelli that he tried to poison her.

Here's hoping that Will and Kate do better.

THE MOST EXTRAVAGANT WEDDINGS

1. Princess Salama to Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum

$100 million, 1981 (today's dollars)

To hold a really large wedding it helps to have a large venue, such as the 20,000-seat stadium specially built for the now-ruler of Dubai for his 1981 wedding to Princess Salama.

2. Charles, Prince of Wales, to Diana Spencer

$70 million, 1981 (today's dollars)

There are special expenses when royalty weds, including mob control. Part of the millions spent on the fairy-tale wedding of the decade was allotted to ensure tight crowd surveillance. The joy of the occasion would later turn to ashes, proving that the amount spent on the wedding does not necessarily equate to the likelihood it will succeed.

3. Vanisha Mittal to Amit Bhatia

$60 million, 2005

Six days, 100 guests, the Palace of Versailles, free jet transportation to France for the ceremonies, five-star hotels, fireworks at the Eiffel Tower, can-can girls, all these expenses add up -- in this case, a total of $60 million.

4. Aleksandra Nikolic to Andrey Melnichenko

$30 million, 2005

Entertainment was an important part of the wedding between this Russian billionaire and model, with performances by Whitney Houston, Christina Aguilera, and Julio Iglesias, each of whom raked in an estimated $3.6 million for the gig.

5. Priya Sachdev to Vikram Chatwal

$20 million, 2006

Take 600 guests for a 10-day wedding celebration and jet them from city to city in India, and you have the foundation for an over-the-top opulent wedding. Chatwal (nicknamed the "turban cowboy"), owner of luxurious hotels such as Dream New York, managed to bring the event in at a tidy $20 million.

( yahoo.com )

READ MORE - The most extravagant weddings

Sorry darling, I think it's the MANopause

Sorry darling, I think it's the MANopause: How doctors are prescribing HRT to some men - At the age of 45, Reg Edge began to worry that he was suffering from a terminal illness. The normally super-efficient electronics engineering boss was suffering from memory loss, swollen joints, night sweats, extreme exhaustion and loss of libido.

Indeed, his behaviour was so out of character that his wife Anita, a computer programmer, thought he must have fallen for someone else. Certainly, as she pointed out, he was no longer interested in her.

‘I could barely drag myself out of bed in the morning,’ says Reg. ‘I felt like a zombie. I no longer wanted sex, had no energy whatsoever and my memory was so bad I had to write simple instructions on my hand, such as “Lock office door”.’

The successful businessman was in turmoil. ‘I’m 6ft tall, weigh 12st, and haven’t suffered a day’s illness in my life. Suddenly I no longer felt like myself. And as well as physical symptoms, my personality changed. I’d blow my top at the slightest provocation. At first, I put it down to work stress, but then I thought I must be really ill.’

The World Health Organisation refuses to recognise 'andropause' as a medical condition and many GPs remain sceptical about whether it actually exists

Eventually, after suffering for more than a year, Reg went to see his GP, who did a battery of tests for everything from ME to Aids.

In fact, as Reg later discovered, he was suffering from a classic case of the male menopause, or the ‘andropause’ as it has been dubbed by scientists.

This is a condition still mired in controversy — the World Health Organisation refuses to recognise it as a medical condition and many GPs remain sceptical about whether it actually exists. But a pioneering London clinic, the Centre for Men’s Health, argues that not only is it all too real, but cases are on the rise.

‘Our latest research of more than 10,000 men reveals that 20 per cent of men over 50 have been affected by the male menopause,’ says Dr Malcolm Carruthers, who runs the centre.

‘Testosterone deficiency syndrome is a common and serious condition that is not being diagnosed or treated. This is a condition that can wreck lives if left untreated, and also shorten lifespan because of its proven link to heart disease, obesity and diabetes.’

Like women, as men age their hormones levels begin to alter. In women, the difference is clear and unarguable — their reproductive system ceases to function and the hormones oestrogen and progesterone dip, causing hot flushes, irritability and tiredness.

For men, the change is much more gradual, but their testosterone levels, which determine virility, aggressiveness and energy, begin to fall.

Many men remain reluctant to admit they may be suffering from the male menopause as they see it as a threat to their masculinity.

Symptom: Many men report a complete loss of libido, leading to marriage problems (posed by models)

They are particularly mortified at having to admit to erectile dysfunction, which is one of the most common symptoms. So they suffer in silence, according to Dr Carruthers — damaging not only their health, but their family life and happiness.

Businessman Reg, now 66, says: ‘The loss of libido was awful. My wife Anita and I had always had a great sex life, but it became irrelevant to me. I didn’t even notice if women were attractive.

‘Then, one day, as I was driving into work, I heard Dr Carruthers being interviewed on Woman’s Hour, and I thought: “He’s describing my symptoms.” ’

When he visited the doctor’s Harley Street clinic, blood tests revealed that Reg’s testosterone level was less than ten pg/ml (picograms per milliliter of ‘free’ or available testosterone) — the normal range for men is 14 to 40 pg/ml.

Men who are testosterone-deficient are more likely to develop diabetes, heart disease, obesity, osteoporosis and Alzheimer’s

‘Dr Carruthers said I had the testosterone level of a 70-year-old man — and I was still only in my 40s,’ Reg says.

He was given a testosterone implant, and the results were extraordinary.

‘Within two weeks, my depression had lifted,’ he says. ‘I felt sharp, bright, and full of energy.’ His libido took longer to respond — several months — but it did eventually return.

‘I don’t get my testosterone replacement on prescription — I now use a gel that costs me about £50 every two months. I know I still need it — if I run low, the symptoms immediately start to come back. I have no side-effects whatsoever and I will stay on TRT (testosterone replacement therapy) as long as I can. It is no exaggeration to say that it has given me my life, and my relationship, back.’

Dr Carruthers says: ‘We’re now seeing a growing global awareness of the important role that testosterone plays in maintaining men’s health and quality of later life. With age, testosterone levels fall and we now know this leads to loss of energy, libido, erectile dysfunction, irritability, joint pain, memory impairment and depression.’

Grumpy old men, in other words, may have a medical explanation for their behaviour. There is also a more serious link, as it has been proven that men who are testosterone-deficient are more likely to develop diabetes, heart disease, obesity, osteoporosis and Alzheimer’s.

Yet even doctors can fail to recognise the symptoms. Dr Doug Savage — who is separated from his wife and has two grown-up children — is a GP specialising in sexual medicine and andrology (male health), yet even he didn’t realise he was suffering from the male menopause.

Dr Savage, 58, says: ‘It’s ironic that I would be treating men with testosterone deficiency, and yet failed to see I was suffering from the very same thing.’

Four years ago he noticed he was becoming profoundly tired. ‘As a hill walker and a very active man, I couldn’t understand it — my health had previously been so robust.

‘I would fall asleep in my chair between patients. My family dreaded me taking them on long journeys as I had started to nod off at the wheel. I was also losing interest in sex, and suffering from erectile dysfunction, which was very hard to accept.’

Exhausted: Some men report nodding off everywhere and being too tired to function normally

While walking in the Lake District three years ago, he realised he could not walk up even a gentle slope.

‘I thought I was having a heart attack — my heart was racing and I was exhausted.
‘Back home, I went to see a GP friend, and he ran all the blood tests on me. He was initially reluctant, but I made him add testosterone deficiency to the tests.’

When the results came back, they revealed Dr Savage’s testosterone level was just nine pg/ml. ‘I was very shocked, but also relieved — at last I had an explanation for the severity of my symptoms,’ he says.

'I was beginning to feel like an old man and I was only 41. I was also feeling depressed, but put that down to hitting my 40s.’

He was given Testogel (the gel form of TRT) and now, three years later, his hormone levels are at a healthy 18 pg/ml — well within the ‘normal range’.

He says: ‘I’m now full of energy — so energetic that I recently walked one of the Munro mountains in Scotland at more than 3,000ft with my daughter.’

Fellow GP Dr Don Hegarty, 55, from Chislehurst, Kent, was just 41 when he began suffering from the male menopause. Married to Sifa, 49, he works as an occupational health physician and between them they have three grown-up children.

‘I was very young to be going through the symptoms, but they were ruining my quality of life,’ he says. ‘I felt profoundly tired in the afternoons — I could nod off anywhere. I couldn’t concentrate and my memory was impaired. I also had lots of muscle aches.

‘In short, I was beginning to feel like an old man and I was only 41. I was also feeling depressed, but put that down to hitting my 40s.’

Then there was the loss of libido, which was having a profound impact on his relationship with his wife.

‘I read an article on testosterone deficiency, and I realised what all these vague symptoms added up to.’ Dr Hegarty was prescribed Restandol, a tablet form of TRT. ‘Within a few months, I realised I had more energy and could concentrate better. It isn’t a blinding flash, just a gradual improvement.

‘I didn’t turn into an Olympic sex god overnight, but it brought back my sex drive and my ability to maintain an erection, which had been really worrying me.’

He now uses Testogel, which he rubs into his shoulders and armpits. ‘I have a check-up twice a year and I have managed to get it on NHS prescription. Unlike HRT, you can stay on this for ever and I’ve no intention of stopping.

‘Now I’m up at 5.30 every morning, work all day and see a personal trainer three times a week. I am fitter than I’ve ever been.’

While female hormones tend to plateau after a period of several years in the menopause, men’s testosterone levels continue to deplete well into old age.

For this reason, most men remain on TRT on a permanent basis — and if they stop taking it, they experience the return of all their troubling symptoms within a very short time.

Success: 'Suddenly I felt like a young man again. My libido is what is used to be and that makes a big difference to my relationship.' (Posed by models)

Former fishing boat captain Ian McDonald believes TRT saved his life.

The 74-year-old, who now works as a photographer and is married to Lilian, 73, says his male menopause was so profound he considered suicide. He says: ‘I was a typical alpha male, skipper of a fishing boat for 23 years, never ill.

‘But when I hit 55, my health went downhill. I became exhausted, woke every night dripping with sweat, my whole body ached and I was utterly depressed.

‘When I went to see my GP he was so worried he sent me straight to the Royal Infirmary in Aberdeen.

‘I was given a full health check, and they decided I was simply depressed.’
So Ian was offered Prozac — which he refused. ‘I’d read somewhere about men having menopauses, too, and I thought it was worth getting my hormone levels checked.’

When his blood tests came back, they revealed his testosterone level had ‘dropped off the bottom of the scale’. His wife was as relieved as he was to have a proper diagnosis.

The time has come when global thinking on the need to diagnose and treat testosterone deficiency should move from debate to action.

Before the treatment, Ian would fly into irrational rages, and once kicked the wall in the kitchen so hard it made a hole.

‘The treatment made such a difference to me — it was like turning the clock back 20 years or being re-born. I got my life back.

‘I felt like a young man again and today I am firing on all cylinders. My libido is what is used to be and that, of course, makes a big difference to my relationship.’

But not everyone is a fan of testosterone therapy and there are concerns about its side-effects.

A Dutch study has identified heightened aggression in male patients taking TRT, and it has also been linked to increased incidents of prostate cancer — which is affected by testosterone levels — and male pattern baldness. Some patients also report headaches and weight gain.

Professor Ashley Grossman, a consultant endocrinologist at St Bartholomew’s Hospital in London says he’s concerned that promoting the idea of the male menopause has become a useful way to make more money for drug companies and private clinics.

He insists that falling testosterone levels are no more than a natural sign of ageing in men.

‘Women suffer a sharp fall in the hormone oestrogen when they go through the menopause, and men need to realise that testosterone levels naturally fall by 2 per cent a year from the age of 40,’ he says.

But Dr Carruthers is adamant. ‘This is clinical condition — and one for which men can receive treatment,’ he says.

‘Like climate change, the time has come when global thinking on the need to diagnose and treat testosterone deficiency should move from debate to action. ‘By ignoring the problem we’re putting men, and their wives, through needless misery. ( dailymail.co.uk )

READ MORE - Sorry darling, I think it's the MANopause

The idiocy of text-message adultery

The idiocy of text-message adultery - Stop me if you've heard this one before: A woman says Tiger Woods had sex with her. No, really. Her name is Raychel Coudriet. It's the same story we've heard from other women: She liked Woods, he wanted her, he propositioned her, she said yes. He was sitting next to her at a party when he made his move. Did he touch her? Raise an eyebrow? Whisper in her ear? Nope. He texted her.

Woods may go down in history as the greatest golfer of all time. But he'll also be remembered as the king of sexting. He takes his place in a pantheon of lechers who have sated the world's oldest urge through the latest communications technology. Bill Clinton used the phone; Mark Foley used online chats; Mark Sanford used e-mail; Woods used text messages. Sitting right next to Coudriet, Woods went for his phone. He "texted her constantly," says the National Enquirer, echoing reports by other women. He was more addicted to texting than he was to sex.

Tiger Woods

The picture of Woods sitting there with Coudriet, discreetly sending her messages that would show up later in the Enquirer, captures the bottomless folly of extramarital sexting. Cheaters seem to think their phones send secret mating signals only their girlfriends can pick up. They couldn't be more wrong.

In the months since Woods' adultery was discovered, scores of his messages to various girlfriends have been leaked. So have the texts of Jesse James, the philandering husband of Sandra Bullock. If those aren't raw enough for your taste, try the X-rated pager messages between former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick and his then-chief of staff, Christine Beatty. No detail is spared. You can find out exactly how Beatty debriefed Kilpatrick and which holes Woods liked to play.

But that's only half of what makes these messages creepy. The other half is the cheaters' constant worry about being caught. Their thumbs work the keypads, pleading for secrecy. "Don't text me back till tomorrow morning. I have [too] many people around me right now," Woods told Jaimee Grubbs, a cocktail waitress. To Joslyn James, a porn actress, he texted: "Don't come down here yet. Lots of people in the hall. I will let you know when it clears." Later, he chastised her: "You almost just ruined my whole life. If my agent and these guys would have seen you there, Fuck."

Fuck, indeed. Everyone with an Internet connection now knows plenty about Woods' sex life. But we don't know it from a bimbo getting caught in a hallway. We know it from his texts. His comments to Coudriet—"Are you touching yourself? I want to f--- you"—are reprinted verbatim in the Enquirer. He treated his phone as a private channel, a place where he could hide his darkest thoughts from the world. Instead, the phone manifested and published them. His trysts are gone. His marriage is on the rocks. But his texts? They're immortal.

Bullock's husband, Jesse James, made the same mistake. "I'm texting you in secret," he told one of his girlfriends. That message, along with 194 others, is now in her possession and is among several, "many of them extremely graphic," that she has reportedly shown to TMZ, the celebrity gossip site. Too late, he has learned that there's no such thing as texting in secret.

So has Kilpatrick. "THEY WERE RIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOOR. THEY HAD TO HAVE HEARD EVERYTHING," he told Beatty after a night together. When she joked that they'd been "busted," he replied, "DAMN THAT. NEVER BUSTED. BUSTED IS WHAT YOU SEE! LOL."

That's the folly of the cheating sexter. He thinks that to be busted, he has to be seen with his girlfriend. He has it backward. A physical encounter can be broken up in seconds, leaving only the uncorroborated memory of a putative eyewitness. But a text is objective and self-incriminating. Busted isn't being seen. It's being read.

In hindsight, the exposed sexters seem almost poignantly naive. James' electronic attempt at just-between-us intimacy—"*wink*"—has been pasted all over the Internet. Kilpatrick's and Beatty's frequent reminder to each other—"ERASE!"—has been preserved as a warning to all who think their messages were purged. And Woods' leaked promise to Grubbs—"secretively we will always be together"—has become a self-refuting joke. The promise was a fantasy. So was the secrecy.

Remember that the next time you wander off the fairway of marriage. Lust isn't love, and texting isn't whispering. Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The cell phone knows. Soon, the rest of us will know, too. ( slate.com )

READ MORE - The idiocy of text-message adultery

Working mothers spend 81 minutes a day looking after their children

Working mothers spend 81 minutes a day looking after their children - Working mothers in Britain spend just 81 minutes each day looking after their children - including mealtimes - a report has found.

It is the dilemma facing every working mother - how to devote enough time to their children, while juggling career demands with household chores.

Now, a new study has disclosed that in Britain, those who work outside the home spend on average one hour 21 minutes a day looking after their families - including meal times.

Stay-at-home mothers managed almost twice as much time directly caring for their children, with 2 hours 35 minutes dedicated to activities like meals, bathtime and playing games, according to the research by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development.

The report, which compared surveys in 21 leading industrialised nations found the time UK working mothers spent caring for their children was almost half that in some other countries.

According to recent studies British working mothers spend on average one hour 21 minutes a day looking after their families, including meal times

Those in Ireland spent 150 minutes a day caring for their children, while those in Australia managed 137 minutes, with working mothers in the United States, Canada, Italy, Sweden and Spain all spending more time looking after their children than those in Britain.

Family campaign groups said the emotional development of children was being damaged, because too many women felt under pressure to work long hours, while others prioritised careers over time at home.

But psychologists said it was more important how the time caring for children was used, and that less time than 81 minutes could be enough if it included fun activities which were sufficiently bonding.

The report examined how much time parents spent involved in childcare as a "primary activity" - covering things like meals, dressing, playing, and reading bedtime stories to children, and excluding time when the parent's main focus was on another task.

Of all parents, fathers with jobs spent the least time on such care - just 43 minutes a day.

Even when they did not work, fathers spent less time than mothers looking after their offspring - on average just 63 minutes a day - 18 minutes less than a mother who goes out to work.

The statistics for Britain included time spent with children at weekend - meaning that on working days, the average amount of time parents spent caring for their children was even less.

Dr Sandra Wheatley, a family and child psychologist said: "I don't think parenting is a numbers game - the important thing is that children get opportunities to have fun with their parents.

"If a mother gets home from work and spends 45 minutes haring around the living room dressed up as a belly dancer, or making drums out of yoghurt pots, before a quick dinner and bed, that could easily be good enough.

"The important thing is that some of the time is spent on activities that are child-led."

She said it was "curious" that stay-at-home mothers did not spend more of their time directly caring for their children, suggesting the figures might offer some comfort to working women who felt guilty about the time they spent out of the home.

"I think a lot of working mothers might think it's quite surprising - and maybe reassuring - that others who spend their time at home only spend just over an extra hour a day looking after their children."

But Margaret Morrissey, from lobby group Parents Outloud said too many children of working mothers were being short-changed.

She said: "A lot of children growing up in Britain today have no concept of a traditional family life.

"For some children, nurseries and childminders can work very well, but when so many children are spending so little time with their parents, the risk is that their emotional development is damaged."

Across all 21 countries, the research showed distinct differences in the type of childcare that women and men provide.

Mothers spent 60 per cent of their time on physical care, such as dressing, feeding, changing nappies, providing medical care and supervision.

But fathers were much more likely to spend time on educational and recreational childcare - helping children with their homework, reading and playing games.

They spent 40 per cent of their childcare time on this compared with 27 per cent of women.

Earlier this month, BBC newsreader and mother of three Sophie Raworth, provoked debate after disclosing that she is following a US parenting scheme called FAST, which teaches time-starved to give each child 15 minutes of "undivided attention" each day.

She investigated the eight week programme for a BBC Two documentary, Parents Under Pressure, and is now following its guidelines to bring up her children Ella, six, Georgia, five, and three-year-old Oliver.

The number of mothers who stay at home to look after their children has dropped dramatically in the past two decades.

Of women of working age, just two million are at home caring for family members full-time, a figure which includes those looking after elderly relatives, compared to more than 13 million in work.

Justine Roberts, co-founder of parenting website Mumsnet, said Britain's long hours culture made it hard for working mothers to get away from the office.

She said: "There is a culture in this country which means that despite the talk of family-friendly policies, women fear that rushing off early at the end of the day to see their kids will damage their career prospects."

Most parents could simply not afford to manage on one income, or take a pay cut to shorten their hours, she said.

When working mothers did get home, most tried to spend as much time with their offspring as possible, though they often felt stressed and tired, she said.

"Women aren't superhuman - we all end up feeling guilty but sometimes after a long day at work it can be hard to face starting a jigsaw puzzle," she added. ( telegraph.co.uk )

READ MORE - Working mothers spend 81 minutes a day looking after their children

Losing him, finding me

Losing him, finding me - I was 34 when I met him. My life was in tatters, 12 years of marriage had just blown in my face. He did not declare undying love, just admitted his lust. Yet he was supportive.

Marriage is the end of any decent relationship; a pre-divorce ceremony, he said and I got the message. Marriage or no marriage, I was ready to play the housewife. Having experienced how temporary so many things, including life itself could be, I decided to follow my heart and packed my bags.

I did not crave changes and settled in the role of a wife without the legal sanction. With time, the balance in our relationship changed; of course no relationship is ever perfect and has to be constantly worked upon, I told myself. Whenever the very traits that irked me became way too much, I reminded myself that I had the option of walking away.

But no matter what, I never confronted him. After eight years of being together, he proposed marriage while we holidayed in India. It should have been romantic but it was not. All I could think of were unaddressed personality issues and relationship matters that I had until now shoved under the carpet.

What had not bothered a 'partner' should not be addressed as a wife. But these issues had bothered me and now I could not bring them up. Ever! Over a carat solitaire engagement ring and wedding band were unceremoniously put on my finger while still in the shop. No exchange of vows or popping of champagne.

Virtues of marriage solemnised in India versus England were discussed, tension mounted and I did not know how to handle them. Then arrived the death knell of our relationship and devastation struck. He opted out. I was dumped and could not even ask why. He was always prone to spells of silence rather than working at it. Heartbroken at 42, without a bank balance, and no longer employable in an office job, I grieved.

I was willing to try anything, yes, even the tantrik who advertised black magic on railway track walls, if that helped in any possible way. I just wanted him back in my life. I met a horoscope reader who read the charts; even a crystal gazer who told me about my past life encounters with him; apparently in one I had even committed suicide for him. I was tempted to do it again.

I was going mad. I began meditation and it helped. Somebody mentioned a healer-a past life therapist who could help. Of course, I was going to try that too. The therapist was young, soulful and did a combination of therapies to reach the subconscious through meditative hypnotic state. She asked me to write a letter to him. Then to imagine and write a letter from him to me.

Then she started those deep meditation sessions where I was to seek and offer forgiveness. Each stage took me a step forward but I would silently slide two steps back. The pain of rejection, the inability to comprehend it, the desire to recapture what had been lost all continued. Identifying and addressing all the issues that had bothered me while I was with him under deep meditation, I spoke about the frustrations of not telling him so much while we were together. One session began ordinarily.

She counted me deep and we began on now familiar ground. Was he generous? Yes, he always got me what I wanted. What was his first gift? What made you happy about it? Memories flooded and I recounted some thoughtful gestures, some frivolous items acquired on the spur of the moment.

How he had managed to wean me away from desiring too much because he would just buy it for me! And what was his best gift ever? He left me. Did I really say that? Yes, I did and after that no amount of prodding could stop the tears flowing out from under closed eyelids.

He left me and I thought that was his best gift? I was either crazy or demented. I thought his dumping me was a gift to me? A final gift? Surpassing all the material things or even all the mental support of eight years? And I still wanted him, I pined for him years after he left me? What was I? And why was I behaving this way? The session ended in heavy silence.

For weeks I would remember the session and cry inconsolably. I was in deep mourning. Finally, one day I understood. I had merged myself too deep in and around him, maybe it suffocated him. He gifted me to myself. He forced me to become a whole self again. Of course, I still think of him, miss him and think about the fun moments spent together.

But now I appreciate that today I am who I am because he left me. I have decided to nurture the pain and make something positive of it. Sometimes we have to break a heart for the soul to heal and that is his gift to me. Thank you, Kevin. ( Prevention )

READ MORE - Losing him, finding me

European life expectancy rising despite obesity

European life expectancy rising despite obesity - Life expectancy in Europe is continuing to increase despite an obesity epidemic, with people in Britain reaching an older age than those living in the United States, according to study of trends over the last 40 years.

In a report in International Journal of Epidemiology, population health expert David Leon of the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine said the findings counteract concerns that the rising life expectancy trend in wealthy nations may be coming to an end in the face of health problems caused by widespread levels of obesity.

They also suggest that simple factors like how rich a nation is and how much it spends on health care do not necessarily correlate with its people's lifespans.

Despite spending more per head on health care than any other country in the world, life expectancy in the United States is at the same level as the lowest of any Western European country -- Portugal for men and Denmark for women -- and the rate for women is increasing at a much slower pace than Western Europe.

In 2007, life expectancy in the United States was 78 years, compared to 80 in Britain, Leon noted.

"This simple observation once again underlines that GDP and health-care expenditure per capita are not good predictors of population health within high income countries," he wrote.

DECLINE IN DEATHS FROM HEART DISEASE

The report said that one of the most important contributors to the continued general upward trend in life expectancy had been the decline in deaths from heart disease.

Cardiovascular diseases, which can lead to heart attacks, strokes and other fatal events, are the leading cause of death worldwide, killing around 17.1 million people a year, according to the World health Organisation (WHO).

Leon's report said deaths from heart disease in Britain had seen some of the largest and most rapid falls of any Western European country, "partly due to improvements in treatment as well as reductions in smoking and other risk factors".

Within Europe, Leon pointed to a sharp contrast in life expectancy between east and west as the former communist bloc struggles to catch up with its longer-living neighbours.

Since the collapse of the Berlin Wall in 1989, life expectancy has been rising in countries of central Europe such as Hungary, Poland and the Czech Republic, but as this has been at similar rates to Western Europe, the two halves of the continent have been following parallel trajectories, he said, making the east-west gap "very difficult to eliminate".

Trends in Russia and other countries of the former Soviet Union have been less positive, with life expectancy going up and down dramatically over the past 25 years. This is largely due to levels of hazardous drinking, particularly among men, Leon said.

Compared with Britain, where in 2008 life expectancy was 77.9 years for men and 82 years for women, Russian men could expect to live to 61.8 and women to 74.2 years, according to data from the WHO and the Human Mortality Database. (Reuters)

READ MORE - European life expectancy rising despite obesity

The key to true love? Follow your instinct

The key to true love? Follow your instinct - From mind-reading on a date to tuning into psychic alarm bells, how you can use your sixth sense to find the perfect man - Are you fed up looking for love in all the wrong places? It might be time to tune in to your intuition. As a psychic consultant, I believe the real reason we struggle to find the perfect partner is because we ignore our instincts.

We turn our back on our inner wisdom and listen to what people tell us rather than using our sixth sense. The results are confusion and heartbreak. You might think love is complicated, but when you use your instincts you’ll see it’s simple.

Follow my steps for getting in touch with your intuition and you’ll be able to mind-read your dates and suss out the Mr Rights and Mr Wrongs — and find a partner who is perfect for you . . .

Key to your love life: Tap into your sixth sense to make a relationship work

YOUR SECRET POWERS

Did you know you can read minds?

We all have intuitive power. All of us have had feelings about people that have been correct, yet we can’t put our finger on why we felt the way we did.

We often know when a partner is lying to us, even if every logical sign is to the contrary. The problem arises when we choose to ignore these feelings.

‘I knew something wasn’t right from the start,’ my client will tell me, a month after her date has run off with her best friend. ‘But I hoped for the best.’ If only she’d listened to her inner wisdom.

How to tap into that intuition

Often, our minds are filled with daily chores, worries and problems. When our mind is full like this, we’re far away from our intuition and, as a result, we make bad decisions — particularly when it comes to relationships.

So set aside half an hour a day to clear your mind. Turn off the radio, TV and your mobile phone, close your eyes and let go of your thoughts and worries.

Intuitive thought comes from a calm place, but it also comes from taking notice of the signs the world is giving you . . .

SEVEN RULES OF INTUITION

Rule One: Believe In Yourself

The minute you begin to doubt yourself, your intuition stops talking to you.

Rule Two: Relax

The mind must be calm to let the right energy come through.

Rule Three: Listen to your dreams

Intuitive thoughts often come to us in dreams. So when you wake up, jot down as many details as you can remember, which will help make clearer the messages your dreams are trying to give you.

Rule Four: Notice coincidences

If you bump into an old friend, keep in touch. The universe is trying to send you a message — let your intuition be your guide.

Rule Five: Don’t ignore your feelings

Don’t try to suppress negative feelings with a chocolate bar. Instead of snacking to make yourself feel better, face up to what is making you unhappy.

Rule Six: Pay attention to your body

How often have you heard people say such things as ‘He makes me sick to my stomach’? Take time to listen to what your body is saying.

Rule Seven: Practise

No one would take an exam without study. It’s the same with intuition — use it every day to build up your powers.

UNDERSTAND YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIPS

Love cycles

Do you understand why past relationships ended? I’ve counselled many clients who have lived out the same bad relationship over and over again. Their partners change, but the relationship is the same.

Here are the five negative love cycles I see clients repeat over and over again:

• You never get past the first few dates;
• He leaves you for his ex;
• He stops calling you;
• He cheats on you;
• He’s never good enough for you.

Don’t ignore psychic alarm bells

Now that we’ve identified the cycles, it’s time to take responsibility for your past relationships. Otherwise, you’ll be stuck with negative feelings. What warning signs did you ignore in the relationship?

Have you ever replayed a situation in your head after a relationship has ended and said to yourself ‘I knew something wasn’t right when he said that’? That’s a psychic alarm bell.

Look at your past two relationships or dating experiences and see if you can identify the alarm bells.

Write out three or four pages about each one, from how you met to how it all ended. Now, take a good look at what you’ve written and work out which warning signs you chose to ignore.

Did he ever talk about his former girlfriend and, if so, how did you feel at the time? Were there any unexplained date cancellations? What were the situations that gave you cause for alarm, but you brushed over?

You will see there was at least one alarm bell, and most likely four or five. Here is the important part: Learn from them. Look out for them in your next relationship.

Successful dating: Be mindful of your feelings to see if he's Mr Right (posed by models)

Asking painful questions

Ask your intuition why you seek out these kinds of relationship. It might be painful, but it’s only in taking responsibility that you can move on.

If you never get past a few dates, is it because you are picking partners you aren’t suited to? If so, why?

If you keep going for men with former girlfriends in the wings, is it because you don’t think you really deserve a man with a clean slate?

And if no man is ever good enough for you, is it really because a bad relationship or complicated family background left you terrified of being hurt?

The biggest block to finding true love is self-esteem. Tune in to your higher self to access the confident, happy, loving you.

‘SEE’ YOUR SOULMATE

Now that you’ve reconciled your past, it’s time to look to the future.

I’m always amazed by how few people have taken the time to consider who is their perfect partner — Mr Right.

The Power of 100

This is a psychic tool to imagine your perfect mate. Take a piece of paper and write out at least 100 things you would like in your future partner.

You could include ‘qualities’ such as ‘loves watching EastEnders’ and ‘can ride a bike with no hands’. Write only positive statements.

Once you’ve noted the qualities you would like, you will have a picture of the person with whom you want to spend your life.

Believe it or not, that person exists and is on his way. Your soulmate might be a new person or an old friend who drifts back into your life at exactly the right moment.

DATING

Mind-reading when you meet

Feelings are the messengers of the intuition. Pay attention to how you feel when you’re spending time with a new love interest. Most people have a few nerves when they’re dating, especially if they’re really interested in someone, and this is fine. But do you feel anything else? Happiness? Comfort or discomfort? Unusual levels of anxiety? Take note.

How to spot Mr Wrong

You might meet people who aren’t good relationship material — you’ll need your intuition to be on the alert for men who aren’t what they seem to be.

There are three types of Mr Wrong: Married Men, Players and Commitment-phobes. Each comes with his own early warning system. If he pays only with cash and can’t see you at weekends — is he married? If he says charming things, but his actions say he couldn’t care less — is he a game player?

Listen to those psychic alarm bells.

How to spot Mr Right

Once you’ve got past the first few dates, how do you know love is long-term? Your intuition has a special way of showing you that a man genuinely cares.

There are many psychic love signs — he might choose dates that match your taste — but mostly it is just a feeling. Finding Mr Right will make you feel warm, contented, special and safe.

By tuning in to your powers of intuition you will find this true love. ( dailymail.co.uk )

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