Why won't he look me in the eye when we make love?

Why won't he look me in the eye when we make love? - This probably sounds trivial, but it really affects the quality of my sex life: my partner finds it almost impossible to make eye contact in bed.

Whenever I try to gaze lovingly at him, he avoids my eyes. He's always looking down at my body, rather than at my face, which makes me feel like I could be anyone — even though I know he loves me.

My sister thinks it's because he’s shy and that at his age (52) I'm not going to change him, but I am ever the optimist. Do you think there’s anything I can do to make him hold my gaze?

Look into my eyes: A reader wants her lover to make eye contact (posed by models)

We tend to think sex is the absolute pinnacle of intimacy, but, as many a lover can testify, prolonged and intense eye contact can prove an equally intense experience — even more so, at times.

One friend says when she first sat on a bar stool opposite her (now) husband and locked eyes she thought she would faint, as the electricity was so overwhelming.

‘Desire is never expressed quite as thrillingly as it is when transmitted via the eyes,’ she says. ‘I honestly felt I was going to have a heart attack.’

Some people shy away from this intensity precisely because it is so revealing.

You can feel far more naked than when you’re undressed if someone’s staring at you, because they seem to be penetrating your soul and reading your thoughts.

What you have to recognise is that while some people embrace that kind of emotional exposure because it’s so powerful, others flee in terror.

Your partner definitely sounds like the fleeing kind, poor chap!

Your sister calls him ‘shy’, so he probably finds it near impossible to meet a new acquaintance’s eye while in conversation, let alone hold a passionate gaze.

The fact he knows and loves you does not necessarily make the task of gazing at you less daunting.

Our ability to make good eye contact generally stems from childhood, and if his parents and friends didn’t do a lot of direct beaming and twinkling at him as a tot, then it’s hard to get the hang of it aged 52.

I’ve got one older male friend who practically turns his head 180 degrees, like an owl, when he’s talking to a stranger.

Mind you, your partner has more reasons than shyness to keep his eyes focused on your body.

Many men find it easier to lock their eyes on to their beloved’s erogenous zones than her eyes, because that act of looking at female flesh is such a key part of their erotic experience.

One man I know says when he looks at his wife’s body in bed ‘it’s sexier than the sexiest film ever made’, adding: ‘Because men have grown up in a culture where their gaze is constantly directed by magazines, TV, films and the internet to the female form they feel more licence to stare at women’s bodies than perhaps women do in reverse.’

I doubt very much that your partner is objectifying you in bed in the way you fear. Clearly you’re not just ‘anyone’ to the man who loves you.

Don’t forget, many middle-aged women would give their life’s savings to have their long-term partner gaze at their body with undisguised lust and admiration.

What you see as avoiding your eye, your boyfriend may view as naked worship of your form.

Having said that, you are certainly not alone in your quest for a little sexual eye-balling. Women naturally want to keep close tabs on the bedroom’s emotional barometer and there’s little chance of doing that if their menfolk won’t look them in the eye.

It is also true that tantric sex bases much of its practice around sustained eye contact, since this is a proven way of increasing intensity and therefore ecstasy.

It’s not unreasonable for you to request a little effort on his behalf to cast off his more diffident side. You need to explain to your man that if he doesn’t ever lock eyes with you, it’s a form of sensory deprivation.

There are certain conditions that are key to pushing each other’s erotic buttons (men are particularly interested in the power of the physical response, women in the strength of the emotional one) and it’s a little selfish not to gracefully deliver on those elements.

A friend of mine has made great strides with a similarly reserved man by offering a little light training; she says you start by holding eyes for two minutes over a drink and work your way up to repeating the exercise in bed.

She very firmly believes that old dogs can learn new tricks, but only if the trainer is patient and kind. ( dailymail.co.uk )

READ MORE - Why won't he look me in the eye when we make love?

Men with feminine faces more likely to be a hit with women

Men with feminine faces more likely to be a hit with women - Men with feminine faces will be luckier in love as more women are attracted to them than masculine men, according to a new study.

Most women prefer men with more feminine shaped faces and darker skin, according the research by psychologists at New York and Princeton universities.

But the investigation found that men typically also want women’s faces to be feminine with plump lips and wide eyes.

Dude looks like a lady: The study found that women are attracted to men with feminine faces, such as Steven Tyler who is famed for his pouty and full lips

Wide eyes and plump lips: American footballer Tom Brady and Orlando Bloom

Two groups of men and women were shown a selection of thousands of computer-generated faces of the opposite sex to rate, which had been manipulated to look either more masculine or feminine.

The computer model tested 50 dimensions of facial features, including nose size, plumpness of lips and facial colouring.

The scientists found that more men want women’s faces to have a feminine shape, while women want men’s faces to have a feminine shape, but darker skin.

Hit with the ladies: Rockers David Bowie and Mick Jagger in their younger days

Hot boys: Film stars Leonardo DiCaprio and Zac Efron

The findings show that male and female attractiveness are not equal and opposite, according to the researchers.

The authors of the study, which will be published by the Psychological Science journal, also found that the appeal of average faces is less straightforward than previously thought.

Psychologists Christopher Said and Alexander Todorov, who carried out the research, said that attractiveness is more complex than had been found by previous studies.

Feminine? Actor Jude Law and soccer player David Beckham

While both men and women find average faces attractive, the most average faces are not considered the most attractive.

Christopher Said of New York University said: ‘This paper helps sort out the uncertainty about whether masculinity is attractive or not in male faces.’ ( dailymail.co.uk )

READ MORE - Men with feminine faces more likely to be a hit with women

How to Fix Unexplained, Excessive Hair Loss ( 2 )

Iron Deficiency Anemia

Women who have heavy periods or don't eat enough iron-rich foods may be prone to iron deficiency, in which the blood doesn't have enough red blood cells. Red blood cells transport oxygen to cells throughout your body, giving you the energy you need.

The symptoms: Iron deficiency anemia causes extreme fatigue, weakness, and pale skin. You may also notice headaches, difficulty concentrating, cold hands and feet, and hair loss. Any type of exertion may leave you short of breath.

The tests: A blood test to measure ferritin, the protein that stores iron in your body, is usually needed to diagnose iron-deficiency anemia. Your doctor may also check your blood level of hematocrit, which gauges how much of your blood is made up of red blood cells.

What you can do: Eat iron-rich foods such as beef, pork, fish, leafy greens, fortified cereals, and beans—preferably, along with foods rich in vitamin C, which enhances iron absorption. Women need 18 mg of iron a day, 8 mg after menopause; ask your doctor if you should take an iron supplement. You can also find supplements specifically for hair loss, Dr. Fusco says. Key ingredients may include biotin, silica, and L-cysteine, in addition to iron.

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

As many as five million women in the United States suffer from polycystic ovarian syndrome. The condition, which can begin as early as age 11, is caused by a hormonal imbalance in which the ovaries produce too many male hormones. PCOS often causes infertility.

The symptoms: PCOS can cause facial hair growth, irregular periods, acne, and cysts on the ovaries. And while you may experience hair loss on your scalp, you may notice more hair elsewhere on the body, Dr. Fusco says.

The tests: Your doctor is likely to do a blood test to look for elevated levels of testosterone and DHEAS (dehydroepiandrosterone), a by-product of testosterone.

What you can do: Most cases of PCOS are treated with birth control pills such as Yasmin, which contains a potent anti-androgen that blocks testosterone. If you can't use birth control pills, your doctor may prescribe spironolactone (Aldactone), which also blocks male hormones. Losing weight can also help by decreasing the effect of the male hormones.

Skin Conditions of the Scalp

An unhealthy scalp can cause inflammation that makes it difficult for hair to grow. Skin conditions that lead to hair loss include seborrheic dermatitis (dandruff), psoriasis, and fungal infections such as ringworm.

The symptoms: Seborrheic dermatitis causes the scalp to shed its skin, so you'll notice greasy, yellowish scales on your shoulders or in your hair. It may be the result of yeast called Malassezia, hormonal changes, or excess oil in the skin. Psoriasis, an autoimmune condition that causes excessive skin cell turnover, produces a very thick white scale on the scalp that can bleed if pulled off. With ringworm, a fungus you contract by touching an infected person or animal, you'll notice red patches on your scalp, which may be diffuse, Jakubowicz says.

The tests: A physical exam of the scalp will help determine which condition you have. A fungal culture and possibly a biopsy of the scalp may pinpoint ringworm.

What you can do: Each condition usually requires a prescription: a medicated shampoo for seborrheic dermatitis, medications or light therapy for psoriasis, and oral antifungals for ringworm.

Alopecia Areata

Alopecia areata is an autoimmune disorder in which the immune system attacks hair follicles. It affects about 4.7 million people in the United States and occurs equally in men and women. The cause is unknown, but it may be triggered by stress or illness.

The symptoms: The condition can occur in three forms. Alopecia areata commonly causes round, smooth patches of baldness on the scalp, eyebrows, or legs, Dr. Fusco says. Total hair loss on the head is known as alopecia totalis, while hair loss that occurs all over the body is called alopecia universalis. "Some patients have reported that before the bald spot occurred, they felt something in that area—a tingling or an irritation," Dr. Fusco says.

The tests: Observing the pattern of hair loss can usually determine if you have alopecia areata, and blood tests for iron stores, ANAs. and hormones are usually done to rule out underlying conditions that may cause hair loss.

What you can do: Alopecia areata is usually treated with intralesional corticosteroids, Dr. Fusco says. In some cases, minoxidil (Rogaine) may also help. It's also important to reduce stress.

Excessive Styling

Too much shampooing, styling, and dyeing can harm your tresses. Heat and chemicals weaken the hair, causing it to break and fall out. Often, it's a combination of treatments—keratin, coloring, and blow-drying, for instance—that does the damage.

The symptoms: If the fallout is occurring from external damage caused by styling, it will simply break, and you won't see those club-shaped telogen bulbs at the ends.

The tests: Dr. Jakubowicz does a pull test: She takes a small handful of about 50 strands, pulls gently, and checks to see whether the hair that comes out has bulbs on the ends.

What you can do: Avoid using appliances that overheat your hair. Set your hair dryer on cool and low settings, and minimize your use of flat irons. Don't dye your hair more than one or two shades its normal color: The more severe the color change, the more chemicals you require, which can make hair break. If you use hair gel or hair spray, don't wait for it to dry before you comb through it, because the hair will harden and be more likely to break.

The condition of your hair doesn't just affect your looks—it's an important indicator of your health. If you're experiencing hair loss, talk to your dermatologist. ( abcnews.go.com )

READ MORE - How to Fix Unexplained, Excessive Hair Loss ( 2 )

How to Fix Unexplained, Excessive Hair Loss ( 1 )

How to Fix Unexplained, Excessive Hair Loss ( 1 ) - Everyone loses hair. It happens during your morning shower, while you're blowing it dry, or when you give it a quick brush—and that's normal. "On average, we lose fifty to a hundred hairs a day," says Francesca Fusco, MD, a New York City dermatologist who specializes in hair loss.

"That's just hair going through its cycles, and there will be a new one to replace it." But hair loss may be a sign of a more serious medical condition that needs an evaluation by a dermatologist and possible treatment. Here are nine causes of hair loss and how to deal with them.

Telogen Effluvium

Telogen effluvium is a phenomenon that occurs after pregnancy, major surgery, drastic weight loss, or extreme stress, in which you shed large amounts of hair every day, usually when shampooing, styling, or brushing. It can also be a side effect of certain medications, such as antidepressants, beta-blockers, and nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs. During telogen effluvium, hair shifts faster than normal from its growing phase into the "resting" phase before moving quickly into the shedding, or telogen, phase.

The symptoms: Women with telogen effluvium typically notice hair loss 6 weeks to 3 months after a stressful event. At its peak, you may lose handfuls of hair.

The tests: There are no tests for telogen effluvium, but your doctor may ask you about recent life events and look for small "club- shaped" bulbs on the fallen hair's roots. The bulbs mean the hair has gone through a complete cycle of growth, suggesting that the cycle may have sped up due to stress.

What you can do: In some cases, such as pregnancy or major surgery, you may have to bide your time until the hair loss slows. If medication is the culprit, talk to your doctor about lowering your dosage or switching drugs. If it's stress-related, do your best to reduce anxiety.

Hereditary Hair Loss

Hair loss that is genetic is known as androgenetic alopecia and, according to the American Academy of Dermatology, is the most common cause of hair loss. The gene can be inherited from either your mother's or father's side of the family, though you're more likely to have it if both of your parents had hair loss.

The symptoms: Women with this trait tend to develop thinning at the hairline behind the bangs, says Pamela Jakubowicz, MD, a dermatologist at Montefiore Medical Center in New York City. The condition develops slowly and may start as early as your 20s. You may be vulnerable if your mother also has this pattern of thinning. In some cases, the hair loss may be diffuse, meaning it's spread across the entire scalp.

The tests: Your dermatologist will examine the pattern of hair loss to determine if it's hereditary and may order blood work to rule out other causes, Dr. Jakubowicz says. A biopsy of your scalp is sometimes done to see if the hair follicles have been replaced with miniaturized follicles, a surefire sign of hereditary hair loss.

What you can do: Slow the hair loss by applying minoxidil (Rogaine) to the scalp twice a day. The drug works on both women and men, although women should use a lower-strength formula to prevent unnecessary side effects. Women should not use minoxidil if they are pregnant or nursing. Men may be treated with finasteride (Propecia), an oral medication.
Hypothyroidism

Millions of people, most of them women, suffer from thyroid disease. When your body produces too little thyroid hormone, the hormone responsible for metabolism, heart rate, and mood, you are said to have hypothyroidism, or an underactive thyroid. If your body makes too much of the hormone, you're said to have hyperthyroidism, or an overactive thyroid. Thyroid hormone is responsible for everything from your basal metabolic rate—the rate at which your body uses oxygen and energy to function—to the growth of your hair, skin, and nails. But when you don't have the right amount, you may notice changes in bodily functions.

The symptoms: Hypothyroidism (too little hormone) may cause a host of symptoms, including unexplained weight gain, fatigue, constipation, depression, and difficulty concentrating. Hair, nails, and skin may become more brittle and break more easily. It's more common in women, especially over the age of 50, says Theodore C. Friedman, MD, MPH, chief of the division of endocrinology, metabolism, and molecular medicine at Charles Drew University in Los Angeles and coauthor of The Everything Guide to Thyroid Disease (Adams Media, 2007). It affects about 5 percent of the US population but is nearly 10 times more frequent in women.

Hyperthyroidism (too much hormone) may cause inexplicable weight loss, heart palpitations, nervousness, irritability, diarrhea, moist skin, muscle weakness, and a startled appearance of the eyes. You may also experience hair loss as metabolism speeds up. Hyperthyroidism is much less common than hypothyroidism and affects about 1 percent of the US population.

The tests: A blood test measures thyroid-stimulating hormone, which is produced by the pituitary gland in an attempt to coax the thyroid to make thyroid hormone. Excess TSH usually indicates hypothyroidism, while abnormally low levels suggest hyperthyroidism.

What you can do: Your doctor may prescribe a thyroid hormone medication to restore levels to normal. Regular TSH tests might be done to ensure an adequate dosage.

Lupus

Lupus is a chronic autoimmune disease in which the body's own immune system attacks healthy tissues. The condition affects about 1.5 million people and tends to strike women during their childbearing years.

The symptoms: Lupus often causes extreme fatigue, headaches, oral ulcers, and painful, swollen joints. Many people develop a butterfly-shaped rash across the bridge of the nose and become more sensitive to the sun. Other symptoms include fever; swelling in the feet and hands and around the eyes; chest pain; and anemia. Many people also experience hair loss, which may be mild and occur while shampooing or brushing your hair—or it may be more severe, coming out in patches and accompanied by a rash on the scalp, says Arthur Weinstein, MD, director of the division of rheumatology at the Washington Hospital Center. Because these symptoms occur in many other conditions, lupus is often called the great imitator.

The tests: A rheumatologist will examine joints and other tissues for signs of inflammation, such as heat, pain, swelling, and redness. A blood test to measure levels of anti-nuclear antibodies (ANA) may also indicate lupus. Rheumatologists will also determine if patients have four of 11 diagnostic criteria set by the American College of Rheumatology, though fewer criteria along with a skin biopsy may sometimes indicate lupus, Dr. Weinstein says.

What you can do: See a rheumatologist if your hair loss is accompanied by joint pain, fatigue, and other symptoms of lupus, which is treated with oral medications such as prednisone. If you also have a rash on the scalp, you need to see a dermatologist, who is likely to prescribe a topical cream. ( abcnews.go.com )

READ MORE - How to Fix Unexplained, Excessive Hair Loss ( 1 )

Sexier Than Anyone Knew

Sexier Than Anyone Knew - After taking a second look at the tree of life, researchers are rethinking the asexuality of amoebas, considered the epitome of chastity. They now have evidence of amoeboid sex lives, suggesting the act didn't evolve, it has always been there.

Amoebas are blob-like creatures about a billion years old ­— the oldest members of the domain of life called the eukaryotes. This group is fundamentally different in appearance and various other features from the two other domains of life. Amoeba species are spread throughout this tree on every branch, interspersed with familiar lineages like animals and plants. They are known for how they move, slowly extending foot-like portions of their cell membranes.

"It changes how we interpret the evolution of organisms," study researcher Daniel Lahr, of the University of Massachusetts, told LiveScience. "If the last common ancestor of eukaryotes was sexual, then there is in practice no evolution of sex."

By taking a sweeping look at what we know about them by searching through the scientific literature, the researchers say those amoebas are more sexually active than we think.

"When discussing the sex of amoeboid protists, the existing evidence does not evoke chastity but rather Kama Sutra," Lahr writes in the paper, published in the March 23 issue of the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences.

Asexual amoeba

Amoeba sex might have been missed because when grown in the lab, many of them don't show any signs of engaging in sex — they have the ability to reproduce themselves by cloning, or copying themselves, indefinitely. And when they did show signs of sex, researchers may have mistaken it for a rare exception to the no-sex rule.

This is why most researchers believe that amoebas (and all eukaryotes) evolved from an asexual ancestor.

For these lower organisms sex isn't so much an act performed between a male and a female with all the "birds and bees" complications that come with it. For amoebas, sex is a special way of dividing one's genetic material into two equally portioned doses, then combining two of these packets into a new organism. These two doses could come from the same individual or from different individuals.

When the genetic material is being divvied out it undergoes a process and switches around parts of its DNA. This switching gives the new individuals a greater diversity in their genes. They don't always reproduce using sex because in certain environments reproducing asexually can be more successful.

"The speed of dividing is immediately advantageous to the individual," Lahr told LiveScience. "But in most cases this is a condition that is doomed to extinction."

Muller's ratchet

Asexuality is a losing game in the long run, because mistakes accumulate in the genome and get passed down to offspring, eventually killing them. This theory is called Muller's Ratchet, and is traditionally used to explain why sex evolved.

When the genomes are mixed up during the splitting and recombining of DNA during sex, offspring can shed these mistakes. Some asexual animals, like the bdelloid rotifer (a small multicellular animal), have developed other means to recombine their genomes and avoid the squeeze of Muller's Ratchet.

"The bring-home message to the biology community: In general, they have to look more widely than they have been if they really want to talk about theories about sex and the roles of sex," said Fred Spiegel at the University of Arkansas, who wrote a commentary about the study for the same issue.

"The last common ancestor of all living eukaryotes had to be sexual," Spiegel told LiveScience. "Sex is the rule and not the exception." ( LiveScience.com )

READ MORE - Sexier Than Anyone Knew

Benefits of Radiation Therapy Outweigh Risks of a Second Cancer

Benefits of Radiation Therapy Outweigh Risks of a Second Cancer -- The odds a second cancer will develop after radiation treatment for a first cancer are relatively low, U.S. National Cancer Institute researchers report.

In a long-term study of more than 600,000 cancer survivors, an estimated 8 percent of second cancers were attributable to radiation treatment for the original cancer, according to the study.

The results suggest that other factors, such as lifestyle risks and genetics, cause the majority of second cancers, the researchers say.

Benefits of Radiation Therapy Outweigh Risks of a Second Cancer

"The findings can be used by physicians to really put the risks into perspective when they are talking treatment options with their patients," said lead researcher Amy Berrington de Gonzalez, an investigator in the NCI's radiation epidemiology branch.

Patients should feel reassured, she added. "In general, the risks [of radiation therapy] are smaller than the benefits," she said.

The study, published online March 30 in The Lancet Oncology, is the first to quantify the cancer risks posed by radiation treatment for different malignancies.

Berrington de Gonzalez and colleagues collected data on 647,672 adult cancer survivors included in the U.S. Surveillance, Epidemiology and End Results cancer registries. All had survived five years or longer after cancer treatment, and follow-up ran from 1978 to 2007.

The researchers looked at outcomes for 15 different types of cancer for which radiation treatment is routine, including cancers of the rectum, larynx, lung, breast, cervix, testicles, prostate, eye and orbit, brain and thyroid.

Over the 30 years of follow-up, 9 percent of these participants developed a second cancer. Of these, about 3,300 (8 percent) might have been the result of radiation treatment, the study authors said.

Second cancers related to earlier radiation therapy varied by type, the researchers noted.

More than half of the second cancers developed in breast and prostate cancer survivors. Four percent of second cancers were in the eye, and 24 percent were cancer of the testicles, the researchers found.

Patients who had their initial cancer when young were at the greatest risk of developing a second cancer. Also at high risk were those whose organs received high doses of radiation. The likelihood of developing a secondary cancer increased over time.

When these data are put in perspective, the absolute risk for a second cancer is 3 in 1,000 over 10 years after radiation therapy and 5 in 1,000 over 15 years, Berrington de Gonzalez said.

"We know that radiation therapy can increase the risk of getting another cancer, but at the same time the benefits outweigh the risks," said Elizabeth Ward, national vice president for intramural research at the American Cancer Society.

Radiation therapy is an important and relatively safe treatment for cancer, she added.

Thanks to treatment advances, Ward said, radiologists today are better able to pinpoint treatment and limit exposure to healthy tissue than they were in the past.

Now, studies are needed to determine the cancer risks from newer radiation treatments, the authors noted.

Dr. Anthony D'Amico, chief of radiation oncology at Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston, agreed that the NCI findings are encouraging.

"Despite people's concerns, radiation is relatively safe with regard to the issue of second cancers, because the number of cancers that result from it are very small," D'Amico said. ( HealthDay )

READ MORE - Benefits of Radiation Therapy Outweigh Risks of a Second Cancer

Sex and jogging can cause heart attacks if not done regularly

Sex and jogging can cause heart attacks if not done regularly - Sex can kill you if you're not in shape, researchers in Massachusetts have concluded.

Indeed, sudden spurts of moderate or intense physical activity like passionate sex (or even jogging) by people who don't get regular exercise greatly increase their chance of having a heart attack, researchers at Tufts Medical Center in Boston announced Tuesday.

Dr. Issa Dahabreh, whose study appears in the March 23 issue of the Journal of the American Medical Assn., explained that people are 3.5 times more likely to get a heart attack when they are exercising compared to when they are at rest. Likewise people are 2.7 times more likely to have a heart attack when they are having sex (or immediately afterward) than when they are not having sex.

Sex and jogging can cause heart attacks if not done regularly

Jessica Paulus, a researcher who worked on the study and who also teaches at Harvard, told Reuters that she doesn't want people to think that exercise (or sex) is bad for one's health.

Indeed, the study found that every time a person exercised in a week, they lowered their chances of a heart attack by 45%. But when sudden activity is attempted by people who usually aren't active, problems can take place. Sometimes serious problems.

"If you take 1,000 people, each individual session of physical or sexual activity per week can be associated with an increase of one to two cases of heart attack or sudden cardiac death per year," Paulus said. "The recommendation from our paper is consistent with current guidelines, that those looking to initiate an exercise program, especially those at higher risk, do so very gradually and under the care of a clinician or physician." ( latimes.com )

READ MORE - Sex and jogging can cause heart attacks if not done regularly

How far would YOU go to choose the sex of your child?

How far would YOU go to choose the sex of your child? - Gender selection is banned in Britain. But as this disturbing investigation reveals, thousands of couples get around the law by going abroad to get the baby they want.

Most parents are so grateful to have a healthy baby that the sex of the child is a secondary consideration. But what of those who are so desperate for a boy or a girl that they will go to any lengths to achieve it?

This investigation reveals that in the UK today there are thousands of British couples so desperate to choose the sex of their baby that they are prepared to undergo a controversial fertility treatment that is banned in this country and most of Europe on ethical grounds.

Balancing act: Critics claim the latest developments force doctors into 'playing God'

‘Family Balancing’, as it is known, enables would-be parents to select the sex of a child with almost 100 per cent certainty through a technique called Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis (PGD), which is carried out during IVF.

The practice is legal in most U.S. states, Russia and the Middle East, but in Britain it is regarded by regulators at the Human Fertilisation Embryo Authority as a step too far and, as such, is allowed only in rare medical situations.

Opponents say it involves doctors ‘playing God’ and is another step towards a future of ‘designer babies’, in which parents are able to select the physical traits of their offspring, such as height, hair and eye colour.

Opponents say it involves doctors ‘playing God’ and is another step towards a future of ‘designer babies’, in which parents are able to select the physical traits of their offspring, such as height, hair and eye colour.

Josephine Quintavalle, of the UK pro life campaign group Comment on Reproductive Ethics (CORE), said: ‘This so-called family balancing is a dangerous path to go down. IVF was developed to address genuine infertility problems, not to facilitate discriminatory social engineering of this kind.’

However, with a healthy bank balance and no ethical doubts, you can hop on a plane and ignore UK laws.

One of the most popular destinations for the burgeoning gender selection tourism industry is the United States, where PGD is legal almost everywhere. And as I found out, PGD is only too easy to arrange, without even the need for a medical referral.

After five minutes on Google, I had identified several clinics close to Los Angeles. One quick phone call later and I was booked in for a $150 consultation at the prestigious Tyler Medical Clinic, just a stone’s throw from the exclusive shopping area of Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills.

Founded in the 1940s, it is one of the most trusted and respected fertility clinics in California: indeed, its website claims it is one of the most successful in the world.

Four days later, my ‘partner’ Michael and I found ourselves taking the lift up to the second floor of a plush office block. In a room furnished with comfortable sofas and stylish coffee tables, a receptionist handed me a clipboard with dozens of forms to fill in and sign, everything from agreements to go to arbitration in the result of any complaint to detailed medical questionnaires.

After a few short minutes, I was greeted by a smiling Dr Peyman Saadat, a warm Middle Eastern man with an impressive resume who ushered us into his corner office.

We posed as a married couple with a two-year-old son and explained we were interested in learning more about family balancing.

Dr Saadat gave us a brief biology lesson, complete with diagrams, then asked us both a few questions about the previous pregnancy and any history of sexually transmitted diseases.

Priceless: Most parents are grateful to have a healthy baby, regardless of its gender

He then explained the two family balancing options we had, should we wish to proceed.

The first, and less reliable, is known as ‘sperm spinning’. It works on the principle that sperm which would create a female child is heavier than that which would create a male. Using a technique called Flow Cytometry, the sperm can be sorted by size, leaving two distinct groups.

After sorting, the sperm thought most capable of creating the sought after gender is introduced into the uterus in a procedure called Interuterine Insemination, in which sperm is deposited directly into the uterus at the time of ovulation.

The odds of a pregnancy actually occurring are about the same as in any given month of attempting to conceive naturally. The treatment improves the chances of producing a baby of the desired gender from 50 per cent to only 65 per cent.

As Dr Saadat pointed out, this is a simple method with few or no drugs required and a relatively modest price tag. The Tyler Medical Clinic charges around $1,600 for the process.

Only embryos of the desired gender are returned to the womb. The unwanted embryos are either discarded, frozen for use in the future, or can even be donated to childless couples.

But with a fairly low rate of pregnancy success and a 35 per cent chance of a baby who is the ‘wrong’ sex, parents can still end up disappointed.

‘This is for people who can accept the fact they may not end up with the baby of the sex they had hoped for,’ the doctor said. ‘If you are absolutely adamant you want one or the other, this is not a good choice.’

The more successful — and expensive — option is PGD, which Dr Saadat carries out two to three times a month.

PGD involves a cycle of standard IVF in which the body is stimulated with powerful drugs so that several eggs are produced. These are retrieved from the body when mature, and then mixed with the partner’s sperm in the lab.

After three days, the embryos are tested and scientists analyse chromosomes to identify sex. This is said to be 99 per cent accurate.

Then, only embryos of the desired gender are returned to the womb. The unwanted embryos are either discarded, frozen for use in the future, or can even be donated to childless couples.

I was told that for a woman of my age, 37, the chances of IVF working are around 40 per cent per cycle. If she does become pregnant, then she will almost certainly have a baby of the desired sex.

Controversial: As well as providing plenty of answers, modern science is also raising some ethical questions

Dr Saadat seemed relaxed about the issue of the procedure being banned in the UK.

‘There are some ethical issues raised in Europe, but I am happy to offer the procedure,’ he said. ‘People abort babies because they consider them to be the wrong gender: for me, that is much more unacceptable.’

He said he had many foreign patients coming to him from countries which prohibit gender selection, including several from the UK.

We were told we could begin at the start of my next menstrual cycle, should we wish. And with that, we were on our way to choosing the sex of a child.

There are no official statistics about how many couples use family balancing techniques each year in the U.S. But according to Dr Guy Ringler, who is on the board of the American Fertility Association, the numbers run into thousands.

Dr Ringler, who offers the service at California Fertility Partners — a clinic he co-owns in Los Angeles — told the Daily Mail that there have been, and will continue to be, moral debates surrounding gender selection, but it should be a patient’s right to decide.

‘Ultimately, it comes down to the fact that the embryos are the possession of the patient, and they have the right to make their own decisions,’ he said.

‘Generally, patients fall into two categories. The first is those who already have several children of the same sex and they want to experience a child of the opposite sex. The second group of patients are those who need advanced fertility treatment to conceive, and think that if they have to go through all of this, then they may as well take the additional step.

‘It adds several thousand dollars to the cost of IVF, but as you are probably talking $12,000 to $14,000 anyway, it is not a hugely significant amount.’

Recently it was revealed that leading NHS fertility expert Charles Kingsland, who is clinical director of Liverpool Women’s Hospital, has advised some women to travel to Northern Cyprus for gender selection. Dr Kingsland, who has refused to comment, is said to refer one couple a week to the Mediterranean clinic of which he is a shareholder.

Advice: Dr. Charles Kingsland of Liverpool Women's Hospital is said to encourage women to travel abroad for treatment

Choosing the sex of a child is permitted only for medical reasons in the UK, such as avoiding a sex-linked genetic disorder like Duchenne muscular dystrophy. Sex selection for so-called ‘social reasons’ is unlawful, but a spokesman for the Human Fertilisation Embryology Authority (HFEA) said it has ‘no powers to prevent a clinic sending a patient overseas for a treatment that would otherwise be disallowed here’.

But, with or without Dr Kingsland’s assistance, many couples in the UK are already finding their own ways to circumvent the law at home.

Internet chatrooms are full of British women discussing their options and one website, ingender.com, has a popular forum entitled ‘UK ladies planning IVF/PGD’.

It has almost 300 posts on it, in which woman discuss their plans and share their experiences of choosing the sex of their child in other countries.

One anonymous poster writes: ‘I am hoping all this info will finally convince my husband that I am very serious about baby number five and using a high-tech procedure to ensure a daughter.

‘It is wonderful to know I am not alone in feeling like this. It is not the kind of thing I can easily discuss. It is also heart-warming to know that I am not a bad mum because I would like to pick the gender … I have often thought am I being selfish?’

Another woman with the username ‘Babyhugs’ asked in May last year if any other women had tried a clinic in Kiev. She said: ‘I am looking to travel abroad for PGD for a girl next year, have two boys and it’s my last try this time so not risking nature.’

Of course, parents have been trying natural ways to conceive a girl or a boy for many hundreds of years, testing out everything from diets to sexual positions. One theory, known as the Shettles Method, suggests timing intercourse carefully. For a girl, it should take place a few days before ovulation; for a boy, on the day or one day after. Supporters claim it is between 75 per cent and 90 per cent effective.

And one study suggested that women who eat a high-calorie diet — including lots of bananas — tend to conceive boys.

Old wives’ tales are even more bizarre, suggesting that to conceive a girl you should have sex under a full moon, on even days of the month, always sleeping to the left of your husband after. For a boy, point your head to the north while having intercourse, under a quarter moon, after your man has eaten a meal of red meat.

There are no statistics available on the success rates of these unorthodox methods, but they are certainly a much cheaper and less controversial option than modern science. ( dailymail.co.uk )

READ MORE - How far would YOU go to choose the sex of your child?