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Nature's antidepressant?
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Tips for Quickly Relieving Stress
So it's helpful to have a few stress-busting techniques to reach for when it starts to creep up on you and take you hostage. Here are a few of my favorite busters. They are easy to do and work wonders when I need them most, like right before I give a public presentation, or when running late to catch a plane, or find myself stuck in traffic, or when talking to someone who is being very difficult, or when I find myself running behind schedule and am afraid I am going to get in big trouble for it. In other words, at least once a day, every day. Try them yourself and see if you find them as helpful for relieving stress as I do.
- Open your mouth wide enough to hear a click in your ears and inhale deeply, followed by an audible exhale releasing the sound "AHHH!" Repeat until relaxed. Three times should do it.
- Sing the song Do-Re-Mi from The Sound of Music. Each note corresponds with one of the seven chakras and calms the entire nervous system and lifts your mood.
- Breathe in deeply and slowly, and as you exhale, notice something you've not noticed before in your immediate environment and name it out loud. Such as "pattern in the rug." Then breathe. "The scratch on the desk." Breathe. "The different colors on the coffee cup." Breathe. "The design on the base of the lamp." Breathe. Keep noticing and saying out loud things in full view that you have never noticed before. Do this for at least 30 seconds to one minute. This stops your brain from racing forward and back in time and centers you in the present moment, thus relaxing you.
- Place your tongue on the roof of your mouth and right behind your front teeth. Next, purse your lips and exhale to the count of eight as though blowing out a birthday candle. Next, inhale to the count of seven, followed by holding your breath to the count of four. Then repeat. This easy breathing technique can calm your thoughts and refresh your body, inviting stress to flow out and relaxation to flow in.
- Anytime you feel overwhelmed by stress, bend your knees and wiggle them back and forth as fast as possible for 10 seconds, and then squeeze your buttocks cheeks together while letting out a very loud and resounding "AAAAHHHHHHH!" as though screaming all the stress right out of your body. Then relax. It not only relieves you of the stress consuming your every cell but also makes you and anyone around you laugh out loud.
- Start naming, out loud, one thing at a time, every single thing that you are or feel afraid of right now. Start by naming the thing you fear most in the moment, and then take in a deep breath. Next, name something you notice right in front of you. Then repeat. Again, name something you fear most right now. Breathe, and then again name something you see right in front of you. Do this until you can't name any more fears.
- Do my favorite yoga pose. Pull the corners of your mouth to the ears, and hold it. Maintain this pose for at least 30 seconds. Then release.
- Thump your chest with your fist and let out the sound "HA! as loud as possible. Repeat. HA! HA! HA! Then laugh.
- Sing your favorite Broadway show tune at the top of your lungs.
- Put your thumb and forefinger together and close your eyes. Breathe in, while saying the words "I am," and then exhale saying, "calm." Feel the calm flowing from your heart, through your body, and out of your fingertips. Do this as many times as needed.
These are all simple, easy, silly, effective, and fun. Try them all and see which one works best for you. Most of all, just remember: this too shall pass, and with breath it will pass faster and leave you less stressed along the way.
Post : Tips for Quickly Relieving Stress
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The healing power of laughter
The healing power of laughter - Philosophers have grappled with the question of what makes us human for thousands of years. Is it speech, consciousness, culture or something else? After crying, laughter is the next big communicative milestone in human development and evolves as we grow from a baby's giggle into a complex social tool. But what is laughter? What is its purpose? And are humans truly the only creatures with the ability to laugh?
Not according to Robert Provine, a professor of psychology and neuroscience and laughter expert, whose studies of primate behaviour discovered that chimpanzees emit a panting noise when they play that sounds like laughter and which is interpreted by other chimps as a sign of safety. Robert believes that this play-panting is the starting block of human laughter.
Dr Jaak Panksepp, an animal-emotions expert at Washington State University, used high-frequency sound detector equipment to record rats and discovered that they produce ultrasonic chirps, particularly when they appeared to be playfully interacting with each other. But although the sounds the rats made showed all the characteristics of laughter, Panksepp is careful not to label it as such.
"A lot of people don't like that word. Giving human qualities to animals is a no-no since we are [above] other creatures of the world," he says.
Laughter for the adult human is a Swiss Army knife of communication, which can be used to berate others or to make them feel good. We are born with the physical ability to laugh and learn how to use it as a powerful social tool as we grow. And in order to do this, we need to develop a sense of humour.
Humour beings
Author of Laughology: The Science of Laughter and behaviourist, Stephanie Davies, is one of the UK's pre-eminent laughter experts. A former stand-up comedienne, she founded Laughology, an enterprise that teaches individuals in the public and private sector how to improve productivity through humour and laughter. She explains the distinction between the two:
"Laughter is a response; it's usually the outward manifestation of humour but doesn't always have to be about something that is funny. It can be used to fit into a social situation or it can be a way of coping with a situation.
"Humour is a system for processing information and constantly changes depending on factors such as age and context; a doctor may have a dark sense of humour among his or her peers, but change this when with family.
"Different factors also impact how people develop a sense of humour. A child knows that laughter is good and learns that actions that get a laugh are positive. He or she will start to develop an awareness of humour based on the reactions of those around them."
In a pioneering project in an underprivileged part of Bradford in the UK, Stephanie has used principles from her Laughology model to promote resilience and help people cope in difficult situations. She has helped train a team of community ‘champions' to become more positively engaged in their community.
Stephanie explains: "There is a happiness debate going on internationally at the moment and governments in countries such as the UK and France are looking at ways of measuring happiness for political purposes. In an ideal world it would be great if we were all happy all of the time, but we are not, we are human beings and it is healthy to be sad. What really counts is the way people cope with difficulties. The more resilient you are, the more likely you are to be happy. The Bradford project is about creating resilient communities through a series of thinking skills, which we teach people. The real key to happiness on a society level is to enable people to feel more supported by one another and to have friendlier communities."
Shiny happy people
The growing field of happiness economics has become more important to policy-makers since the traditional method for assessing national well-being - by calculating a nation's gross domestic product (GDP) - passed its sell-by-date in the Sixties and Seventies. GDP was an accurate indicator of the state of the nation following the depression of the 1930s and during and after the war years, but it began to become irrelevant as populations attained modern-day levels of wealth and financial stability. In most Western nations, studies showed that, on reaching a certain level of GDP - usually some time in the 1970s - lifestyle satisfaction either remained static or decreased.
The concept of surveying national happiness has been around for many years. The Himalayan nation of Bhutan pioneered the idea in 1972 with a gross national happiness index, intended to remind citizens that spiritual values were as important as wealth. Up until Puerto Rico took the crown last year, Bhutan was consistently recognised as the happiest nation on Earth.
Bhutan's idea was taken up by the United Nations, which devised the Human Development Index, a yearly welfare indicator. In Europe, French President Nicolas Sarkozy has been at the forefront of the happiness movement. In 2009, he proposed replacing GDP with Net National Product, which would take into account personal contentment, the quality of public services and free services available within communities. At the time Sarkozy urged other nations to get on board and employed US economist Joseph Stiglitz, winner of the 2001 Nobel economics prize, and Amartya Sen, who won the prize in 1998 for his work on welfare economics, to help formulate a workable happiness scheme.
Stephanie continues: "The positive effects of laughter and happiness work on so many levels - nationally and individually - and we can all tap into them. We all hold memories that we perceive to be humorous and in the Laughology model, we encourage people to get in touch with these laughter triggers to help them feel positive, which in turn has an impact on emotions and a person's emotional responses to situations.
"If we laugh we feel better about a situation; if we see something in a different way and find the humour in it we can almost take a mental step back from it and not be so negatively emotionally involved. Using laughter in this way promotes resilience, positivity and well-being, not just for individuals but for communities."
The power of laughs
The academic study of laughter and humour is still a relatively new field but there is a growing weight of material that proves how beneficial they are.
One of the best-documented examples of the impact laughter can have on health involves writer Norman Cousins, who was diagnosed with a debilitating spinal disease in 1964. Rather than stay in hospital he checked into a hotel, where he watched as much comedy as he could, including episodes of Candid Camera and Marx Brothers' movies. He found that, over time, the laughter stimulated chemicals in his body that allowed him several hours of pain-free sleep.
More recently, the University of Maryland conducted a study where people were shown funny movies to gauge the effect on cardiac health. The results showed that laughter appeared to cause the inner-lining of blood vessels - the endothelium - to dilate, thus increasing blood flow.
Biologically, laughter reduces stress hormones like cortisol and increases health-enhancing hormones like endorphins. It also increases the number of antibody-producing cells and enhances the effectiveness of T cells, leading to a stronger immune system.
But laughter isn't always a healer. It is contagious and in rare instances that contagion can reach dangerous epidemic levels, as it did in 1962 in Tanzania, when there was an outbreak of hysterical laughter near the village of Kashasha on the western coast of Lake Victoria. The epidemic began with one girl laughing hysterically in a classroom in a boarding school for girls and spread throughout the building. The school was forced to close down and the students were sent home. The epidemic then spread to villages where some of the affected girls lived. In April and May in one village, 217 people had laughing attacks. In addition to hysterical laughter, symptoms included pain, fainting, respiratory problems, rashes, crying and random screaming. In total 14 schools were shut down and 1,000 people were affected.
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Does spaying cause depression in dogs and cats?
Animal welfare organizations concur, neutered pets are less likely to escape and roam the neighborhood, get hit by a car, or scent mark the furniture. Spayed females don’t go into yowling heat or bleeding estrous, and have a reduced risk of breast cancer. A male without gonads has zero risk of the various diseases that afflict them. There’s hardly any controversy over the unsexing of America’s cats and dogs: According to an epidemiological study published in April, something like four-fifths of the former and two-thirds of the latter have been spayed or neutered. But how does it feel for the animals? Could losing its genitals make your cat a little blue?
Studies show if you remove a woman’s ovaries for medical reasons, you increase her risk of anxiety and depression. The gradual decreases in hormone levels that come with aging can cause mood swings, but going from youthful levels to neuter levels overnight seems to be even worse. The Mayo Clinic studied more than 600 Minnesotan ladies who had both ovaries surgically removed before menopause, and found they had an increased risk of being diagnosed with depression or anxiety in later life. Men whose testicles are amputated, or who receive another form of androgen deprivation therapy for the treatment of cancer, may also be at increased risk for mood disorders.
None of that should be surprising. Sex hormones are known to interact with the brain in complex ways, and estrogen and androgen receptors in the hippocampus and amygdala seem to regulate mood. Since spaying and neutering can change a pet’s behavior—that’s a big part of why we do it—it’s fair to wonder whether the surgery might also affect an animal’s mental or emotional state. Neutered people are prone to depression. Why wouldn’t a spayed cat feel the same?
The best available evidence on this question comes from mice and rats. Cheryl Frye at SUNY-Albany has been investigating sex hormone effects on the rodent brain for almost two decades. As a stand-in for humans, her group has either spayed female mice or let them age to mouse menopause, then asked, essentially, how do they “feel.” According to Frye, in the absence of sex hormones there is “a modest but consistent” increase in anxious and depressive behavior.
How do you measure anxiety in a rodent? Mice like dark spaces and corners but are also foragers, driven to explore. What’s called “anxiety-like behavior” is measured by exploiting the balance between these drives. If you put a mouse in a plus-shaped maze with two of the arms covered, how long will she spend exploring the open arms? There are other tests to show whether a mouse has "depression-like" symptoms. The gold standard, called the “forced swim,” test was developed in France in 1977, and measures how long it takes a mouse to stop trying to escape from a beaker of water. The more time it takes for the mouse to go limp, the less “depressed” she is. In a dry version called the tail suspension test, a mouse is held upside down by the tail and researchers see how long it takes for her to stop struggling. The mood-boosting effects of most commercial antidepressants were first discovered using these behavioral assays of squirming mice.
So how does unsexing surgery affect a mouse's mental state? Frye’s lab, and others, have shown that mice without ovaries often refuse to explore the plus maze, and fail the sink-or-swim test. Similar results were shown in neutered male rats, and a few studies found a biological correlate of rat and mouse depression—reduced neuronal growth in the hippocampus—in the brains of gonadectomized rodents.
Related work has been done in non-human primates. For a small study in Brain and Behavioral Research, researchers removed the ovaries of some Japanese macaques at a National Primate Research Center in Beaverton, Ore., where hundreds of females live in close contact with their mothers, grandmothers, sisters, and female cousins. Researchers reasoned these snow monkeys could model mood changes due to ovariectomy without confounding variables like the social stigma of barrenness that might affect women. The center picked 10 females of equivalent rank in the dominance hierarchies and removed the ovaries and uterus from five of them. The other five had their “tubes tied,” so were sterile but still had intact ovaries. Since the monkeys wouldn’t understand the biological ramifications of surgery, and would have similar social lives, any difference between the two groups could be attributed to ovarian hormones.
During an annual corralling of the monkeys three years after surgery, the authors noted that spayed monkeys ate and drank more, and groomed and had sex less—suggesting social impairment and stress. When researchers confronted the monkeys with a black rubber snake, four out of five ovariectomized monkeys backed away and closed their eyes. (The others touched the snake and played with it.) The scientists deemed this odd behavior a “non-adaptive” response to threat and novelty, and concluded that the presence of ovarian hormones keeps female macaques calm and socially engaged. Other research on the same Oregon snow monkey troop suggests spaying impacts serotonin levels.
Injecting estrogen or testosterone into lab animals can also affect their apparent mood or emotional state. Brief, small doses of each hormone seem to have antidepressive and anxiolytic effects in rats and aged mice, for example. If having more hormones makes a rodent act like it is on Prozac, then it stands to reason that taking them away altogether might be a downer.
Few researchers have tested this systematically in dogs and cats. In 2006, a small study of German shepherds on a Korean Air Force base did show that female dogs without ovaries were more “reactive” than sexually intact ones, meaning they were more likely to bark and growl when a test dog was walked past their kennels. Other studies report an increase in separation anxiety and noise phobias (e.g., fear of thunder or fireworks) in some dogs and shyness in cats after spaying or neutering, particularly if done at an early age.
Of course, disregarding animal psychics, there is no way to decipher the subjective emotional experience of a cat or dog (or even a laboratory mouse). It may offer a dog some relief to see a bitch stroll by and not feel impelled to jump the fence to chase after her, or put less strain on a cat whose spine isn’t forced into arched-back lordosis posture at the whim of estrogen. While they may be groggy from the anesthesia post-op, spayed or neutered pets won’t know they’ve lost the ability to reproduce. They simply won’t feel the desire, or have the capacity, to do so. There’s no reason to think they experience any angst over not passing on their genes, or pine for puppies, or long to hear the clitter-clatter of little claws.
Already millions of strays are euthanized every year, and sex-specific behaviors of pets are too much for most owners to live with. But if mice really do provide a model of psychological distress in humans and across the animal kingdom, perhaps it’s worth considering whether castrating or ovariectomizing your animal could make it prone to anxiety or depression.
Fortunately, the psychiatric medications that were tested in mice but designed for humans are now readily available for both cats and dogs. One pharmaceutical company even markets the antidepressant drug fluoxetine (aka Prozac) in beef-flavor chewables. Its brand name is suggestive: “Reconcile.” ( slate.com )
READ MORE - Does spaying cause depression in dogs and cats?
How To Prevent a Depression
First, we must accept that austerity measures, necessary to avoid a fiscal train wreck, have recessionary effects on output. So, if countries in the Eurozone's periphery such as Greece or Portugal are forced to undertake fiscal austerity, countries able to provide short-term stimulus should do so and postpone their own austerity efforts. These countries include the United States, the United Kingdom, Germany, the core of the Eurozone, and Japan. Infrastructure banks that finance needed public infrastructure should be created as well.
Second, while monetary policy has limited impact when the problems are excessive debt and insolvency rather than illiquidity, credit easing, rather than just quantitative easing, can be helpful. The European Central Bank should reverse its mistaken decision to hike interest rates. More monetary and credit easing is also required for the U.S. Federal Reserve, the Bank of Japan, the Bank of England, and the Swiss National Bank. Inflation will soon be the last problem that central banks will fear, as renewed slack in goods, labor, real estate, and commodity markets feeds disinflationary pressures.
The risks ahead are not just of a recession, but of a contraction that could turn into another Great Depression
Third, to restore credit growth, Eurozone banks and banking systems that are undercapitalized should be strengthened with public financing in a European Union-wide program. To avoid an additional credit crunch as banks deleverage, banks should be given some short-term forbearance on capital and liquidity requirements. Also, since the U.S. and EU financial systems remain unlikely to provide credit to small and medium-size enterprises, direct government provision of credit to solvent but illiquid SMEs is essential.
Fourth, large-scale liquidity provision for solvent governments is necessary to avoid a spike in spreads and loss of market access that would turn illiquidity into insolvency. Even with policy changes, it takes time for governments to restore their credibility. Until then, markets will keep pressure on sovereign spreads, making a self-fulfilling crisis likely.
Today, Spain and Italy are at risk of losing market access. Official resources need to be tripled— through a larger European Financial Stability Facility, Eurobonds, or massive ECB action—to avoid a disastrous run on these sovereigns.
Fifth, debt burdens that cannot be eased by growth, savings, or inflation must be rendered sustainable through orderly debt restructuring, debt reduction, and conversion of debt into equity. This needs to be carried out for insolvent governments, households, and financial institutions alike.
Sixth, even if Greece and other peripheral Eurozone countries are given significant debt relief, economic growth will not resume until competitiveness is restored. And, without a rapid return to growth, more defaults—and social turmoil—cannot be avoided.
There are three options for restoring competitiveness within the Eurozone, all requiring a real depreciation—and none of which is viable:
A sharp weakening of the euro toward parity with the U.S. dollar, which is unlikely, as the United States is weak, too.
A rapid reduction in unit labor costs, via acceleration of structural reform and productivity growth relative to wage growth, is also unlikely, as that process took 15 years to restore competitiveness to Germany.
A five-year cumulative 30 percent deflation in prices and wages—in Greece, for example—which would mean five years of deepening and socially unacceptable depression. Even if feasible, this amount of deflation would exacerbate insolvency, given a 30 percent increase in the real value of debt.
Because these options cannot work, the sole alternative is an exit from the Eurozone by Greece and some other current members. Only a return to a national currency—and a sharp depreciation of that currency—can restore competitiveness and growth.
Leaving the common currency would, of course, threaten collateral damage for the exiting country and raise the risk of contagion for other weak Eurozone members. The balance-sheet effects on euro debts caused by the depreciation of the new national currency would thus have to be handled through an orderly and negotiated conversion of euro liabilities into the new national currencies. Appropriate use of official resources, including for recapitalization of Eurozone banks, would be needed to limit collateral damage and contagion.
Seventh, the reasons for advanced economies' high unemployment and anemic growth are structural, including the rise of competitive emerging markets. The appropriate response to such massive changes is not protectionism. Instead, the advanced economies need a medium-term plan to restore competitiveness and jobs via massive new investments in high-quality education, job training and human-capital improvements, infrastructure, and alternative/renewable energy. Only such a program can provide workers in advanced economies with the tools needed to compete globally.
Eighth, emerging-market economies have more policy tools left than advanced economies do, and they should ease monetary and fiscal policy. The International Monetary Fund and the World Bank can serve as lender of last resort to emerging markets at risk of losing market access, conditional on appropriate policy reforms. And countries like China that rely excessively on net exports for growth should accelerate reforms, including more rapid currency appreciation, in order to boost domestic demand and consumption.
The risks ahead are not just of a mild double-dip recession, but of a severe contraction that could turn into the Great Depression II, especially if the Eurozone crisis becomes disorderly and leads to a global financial meltdown. Wrong-headed policies during the first Great Depression led to trade and currency wars, disorderly debt defaults, deflation, rising income and wealth inequality, poverty, desperation, and social and political instability that eventually led to the rise of authoritarian regimes and World War II. The best way to avoid the risk of repeating such a sequence is bold and aggressive global policy action now. ( project-syndicate.org )
READ MORE - How To Prevent a Depression
Happiness and Health Go Together
The relatively new field of Positive Psychology is exploring the factors that contribute to emotional resilience, happiness and health, among other life-affirming topics, and what we now know for certain about these topics can help us all life healthier, more meaningful lives--and reduce stress.
“Experiences that induce positive emotion cause negative emotion to dissipate rapidly. The strengths and virtues…function to buffer against misfortune and against the psychological disorders, and they may be the key to building resilience. The best therapists do not merely heal damage; they help people identify and build their strengths and their virtues,” wrote Martin Seligman, the father of the field of Positive Psychology, in his book Authentic Happiness. And solid research continues to culminate, supporting this view. Here are a few studies on happiness and health:
Happiness and health are linked in important ways.Photo from iStockPhoto.com
Happiness and Longevity:
A landmark study involving nuns was able to pinpoint health benefits that come with positive emotion. (Nun studies work well because so many other lifestyle variables are uniform, so reported differences can often be narrowed down to a handful of factors, like personality and outlook.) In studying the lives and deaths of the nuns, given clues to their emotional state, researchers were able to make an important discovery about happiness and health--positive emotion is correlated with longevity! 90% of the most cheerful quarter of nuns was alive at the age of eighty-five, whereas only 34% of the least cheerful quarter lived to that age. Similarly, 54% of the most cheerful fourth was alive at age ninety-four, versus 11% of the least cheerful.
Happiness and Marriage:
As if that’s not enough, positive emotion is also linked by research to marital satisfaction. In another astonishing study, researchers were able to examine the cheerfulness of smiles in women’s yearbook photos and predict which ones, on average, would be more likely married, stay married and experience more personal wellbeing over the next thirty years. (Hint: it was, again, the most cheerful group.) What’s striking about this is that healthy relationships are linked to strong immunity and, thus, overall health and so the ‘upward spiral’ continues.
Happiness and Optimism:
Researchers have also found optimists to have longer lives. Optimism is distinct from positive emotion, though the two are related. Rather than just being cheerful, however, optimists tend to see the world in a distinct way: when positive events occur in their lives, they give themselves personal credit, attribute the cause to lasting traits under their control, and see each good event as a sign that more positive events are to come. (See this article for more on traits of optimists.) This specific lens through which they see the world allows them to maintain more of an internal locus of control (a sense of personal control over things), as well as resulting health-promoting behaviors and is associated with many benefits, including longevity: one study found that optimists had a 19% loner life span on average. Clearly, happiness and health can be linked by optimism.
Happiness and 'Mature Defenses':
Another factor that’s closely related to positive emotion and optimism is a set of strengths known as ‘mature defenses’. These traits, which are not displayed by everyone, and vary over a lifespan, include altruism, the ability to delay gratification, future-mindedness and humor. According to a Harvard study that followed a cohort of men through their lives, the mature defenses are closely linked with joy in living, high income and a vigorous old age in men from varied backgrounds.
Happiness and Health:
Happiness researcher Robert Holden conducted a survey and found that 65 out of 100 people would choose happiness over health, but that both were highly valued. Fortunately, we don’t have to choose: happiness and health go hand-in-hand. As Holden stated, “[T]here is no true health without happiness”.
There is also ample evidence that unhappiness—depression, anxiety, and stress, for example—are also linked to poorer health outcomes. These negative states, if chronic, can dampen immunity and increase inflammation in the body leading to a multitude of diseases and conditions. The principles of Positive Psychology can combat these negative states, further increasing the likelihood of health. ( about.com )
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Keeping your mental health strong
Life can spring challenges upon us when we least expect them. I know that when this happens to me I feel put out. I say to myself, “This was not in the plan!” But we have to be prepared to change in order to adapt to different circumstances, and one thing that is for sure, is that nothing in life stays the same. Even nature is forever changing. Life is a constant learning process so keeping an open mind and being prepared to move with the times is not only sensible, it also keeps our minds healthy and strong.
Very early on when we are young, we construct out our own picture of the world based upon our experiences of life. How we want to live, what we believe in, how we should behave and how we expect others to behave toward us.
We gather all this information from the world around us and store it in an assessing process to help us to deal with and react to most situations that we encounter. When we meet new people, we quickly gain a first impression of them, so that we know what to expect. We process people and life’s events in this way so that we can make judgments about people and life. But guess what? Not everyone shares the same construct on life. We don’t all hold the same values, morals or codes of behavior. I am often taken back by people who behave with perfect manners, yet behind the veneer of politeness there is an underhand nature. And when we meet someone who acts in a way that we don’t expect or approve of we find them difficult to deal with. And if it happens to be a work colleague or superior, this can make our lives difficult, or even stressful. It can make for a highly stressful work environment, and if it is a family member, it can make for an equally difficult home environment. But it is never a cut and dried case of, I am right and you are wrong — the reason being that in most cases, both believe that they are in the right.
It takes a wise and confident person to say, “I’m sorry, I was wrong”, but in doing so, you don’t lose the high moral ground and you always gain respect. Mutual respect is vital in all relationships.
As a parent, your child may occasionally be difficult or misbehave. They don’t do as they are told and maybe they become angry and throw something. Sometimes a mother may feel, “How could my child behave like this when I am so good to him?” It is easy to see a child’s difficult act as a challenge to our authority as a parent, or just as an act of pure naughtiness that needs punishing, but almost always there is something that triggered this act or inappropriate behavior. Possibly something had gone wrong at school that day and a young child does not have the emotional literacy to say how they felt about their day. So when they came home they refused to do something that their parent wanted them to do. It may be a cry for help — or a way of telling you that they don’t know how to explain how they feel or why they are upset — so often this feeling of powerlessness manifests itself through being grumpy and difficult. Even teenagers who suddenly seem to show a singular lack of communication skills need the love of parents. Teenagers are very sensitive and very easily wounded — especially boys, who will try to hide any hurt.
The magic trick is not to punish the behavior but to give your child time and try to discuss what triggered the outburst in the first place. ( arabnews.com )
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How to help your daughter manage college stress
The pressures were intense at times, compounded by my drive to graduate with the highest GPA possible. What I didn't realize through the entire experience was that, as a well-educated professional in my field, none of my employers would ever ask me what grade I received for any of the classes I took in college.
This has proven to be an important fact to refer to when advising my own daughter. At the first glimpse of a rise in her temperature over the demands and rigors of her college curriculum, I remind her of this truism, and a relaxation effect begins to take hold.
Don't get me wrong, I am not a parent who says, "Hey, don't worry about your grades, as long as you pass." Nor am I unaware of the importance of an impressive transcript should my daughter decide to apply to graduate school.
As the CEO, Bank of Mom, holder of graduate degrees and a professional person, I do have a vested interest in my daughter's achievement and academic success. However, I am a realistic parent and experienced adult who knows better than to ride my daughter about maintaining a 4.0 in college to the detriment of her own health and sanity.
At almost 20, my daughter is facing many developmental tasks as she advances into normal, healthy adulthood. What concerns me most as I watch her navigate through the high seas, rogue waves and occasional Bermuda Triangle of classes in college is how she manages the successes and failures she will undoubtedly face.
Will she attribute all her good grades to her own skill and acumen while blaming her failures on her professors? Does she always have an excuse for why she didn't do as well as she wanted to, or does she humbly acknowledge that she didn't work hard enough or spent too much time partying?
I know that good grades are often an indication of organized living, a sense of responsibility and diligence. But I also know plenty of outstanding students who are shiftless cheaters and plagiarists who spent their undergraduate educations mastering their manipulative skills.
That said, here are my suggestions for helping your college-age daughter manage the stressors of academia while fostering her growth into a healthy, well-rounded adult:
Don't Intervene
Don't get overly involved with her assignments or in the middle of any disputes between her and her professors. Success in college is her responsibility, and you need to let her accomplish this on her own steam.
It is important to help your daughter manage the pressure of college wtihout taking over for her
Reward with Praise
When she tells you she received a good grade, ask her what she loved about the assignment or the class. Then, validate the new and exciting things she's learned and remind her of the relationship between interest, effort and success.
Be a Health Advisor
If she expresses feeling overwhelmed or stressed by the demands of school, review the benefits of adequate sleep, eating well, exercising moderately and effective time management. And, if she's involved with many extracurricular activities, help her prioritize while keeping in mind that she needs downtime from studying too.
Practice Listening First
If your daughter sounds like she's completely falling apart from pressures related to school, before you tell her to hop the first bus or plane home, remind her that nothing is more important than her health --mental and physical. Talk her down without taking over for her. This is a great opportunity to help her develop coping strategies.
Laugh with Her
Look for the humor in what she's telling you and help her see it too. Adding some levity doesn't mean you're dismissing her distress; you're helping her see things from a different perspective.
Beware Perfection
Keep an eye out for persistent perfectionism and unrealistic goals. No one is good at everything. If perfectionism is ruling her life, suggest she talk with one of the counselors at the student health services.
College is a time to for expanded thinking, learning and setting goals in life. It's also the time when the foundation for sturdy adulthood really takes hold. As a parent, remind your daughter of all of the above, and if she's struggling with her GPA for realistic reasons, remind her that her future employers won't ask about her grades. And, there's always next semester or a different class that she can look toward to bump up her GPA if need be. Your concerns as her parent shouldn't be just about her grades; they should include her development into a well-rounded, happy adult who can take pride in knowing she did her best in college -- whatever her grades end up being. ( Oprah.com )
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Six Dream Mysteries—Solved
Six Dream Mysteries—Solved -We’re all fascinated by our dreams, but most of us don’t have a clue what they mean. And the rest of us can’t even remember what we dreamt about. Well, consider this: Experts say that keeping a closer eye on your dreams can actually help you improve your life. “Every night when you dream, you subconsciously assess what’s going on in your life,” says Gayle Delaney, PhD, author of In Your Dreams. “And if you pay attention, you can use it as a way to solve problems.” Here’s how to decipher your dreams, use them to your advantage, and understand why you have them in the first place.
What Happens When We Go to Sleep
In the first 90 minutes of sleep, you go through deepening stages—ranging from light sleep to deep sleep. Upon entering REM sleep, your heart rate and breathing become irregular, your eyes move rapidly and your brain activity rises toward the same level as when you’re awake. That’s when you do about 80 percent of your active dreaming—and when dreams are most vivid. You’ll go through this sleep cycle three to five times during the night, spending more time in REM sleep with each one until you wake up in the morning.
But here’s the fascinating part: During REM sleep, the rest of your body essentially becomes paralyzed. Why? “It’s nature’s way of making sure you don’t act out your dreams, whether it’s repeatedly kicking your spouse or jumping off the bed and hurting yourself,” explains William Kohler, MD, medical director of the Florida Sleep Institute in Spring Hill.
So exactly what happens in our brain when we dream? Sleep experts admit they’re not sure, but it appears that dreams are where memories meet emotion. On the one hand, your dreams can help you tap into the emotional issues in your waking life. On the other, they’re also a way for your brain to catalog the events of the day. “We know that memories are stored during sleep, and dreaming allows the brain to use certain circuits that improve long-term memory,” says Dr. Kohler. Simply put, you dream in order for a specific part of your mind to kick in and sort through memories, figuring out which ones to keep and which ones to let go.
If dreams are there to help file away memories for the long haul, why do they sometimes seem so surreal—not the literal way life happens to us? “When we’re sleeping, the controls of our conscious mind are turned off,” says Dr. Kohler. So as the brain sorts through our different experiences, trying to cross-reference memories (Is the day this happened the same day that happened?), it puts them together in strange and unusual ways (hence, our weird dreams) until it finds a connection that fits—and stores it in our memory bank. Photo: Jupiter/Thinkstock
6 Dream Mysteries Solved
Why Can’t I Remember My Dreams?
“We all dream several times a night, even if we don’t recall them,” says Michael Breus, PhD, author of The Sleep Doctor’s Diet Plan: Lose Weight Through Better Sleep. If you wake up at the end of a sleep cycle, you’ll likely remember a dream, but if you snooze through until the next one, you probably won’t. Since you have more REM sleep in the early a.m. hours, adds Dr. Breus, it’s easier to recall a dream when you wake up in the morning, versus, say, in the middle of the night. Age can play a role as well: REM sleep decreases as we get older—kids need more of its stimulation for brain development than adults—causing dreams to become less vivid, says Deirdre Barrett, PhD, clinical assistant professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School and author of The Committee of Sleep.
Since dreams can help you tap into—and even solve—problems in your life, it pays to remember them. If your power of recall is lacking, Karen Muller, PhD, a clinical psychologist in Medford, Oregon, has an easy way to trigger your memory: Place paper and a pen next to your bed. When you wake up, even in the middle of the night, jot down as much as you remember. Can’t recall more than a fragment? Resume your normal sleeping position for a few minutes. “It helps you recall more of your dream,” she says. Photo: Thinkstock
Is it True that You Never See Yourself in Your Dream?
Probably not. She could simply represent some part of your personality and the dream is trying to point out the similarities. “Your brain is sending a message that you have some qualities of this person, whether it’s someone you know in real life or not,” says Dr. Delaney. “And what you think that person represents, the feelings she or he evokes, could be the key to something you’re dealing with in your own life.” So rather than revealing that you covet Angelina’s looks, your dream may be drawing parallels to her philanthropic and nurturing nature and your own desire to give back in some way—or have more kids! Photo: Jupiterimages/Thinkstock
I Have Recurrent Nightmares. How Can I Get Rid of Them?
To find out what some common nightmares mean, read our article, " Common Dreams Decoded." But remember, trying to decipher a scary dream won’t make it go away, says Dr. Harris. “Tackling a nightmare head on can help banish it.” If you have frequent bad dreams, see your doctor; nightmares can occasionally be caused by certain medications. If there’s no medical cause, your doctor may refer you to a sleep specialist to provide relief
One popular method: Imagery rehearsal therapy (IRT), which focuses on changing harmful thought patterns. A landmark study published in The Journal of the American Medical Association found that 65 percent of people who used the therapy had significantly fewer nightmares. “During IRT, my patients write down their nightmare, then think of a way to change it for the better,” says Dr. Harris. “One patient had a recurring dream of being in shark-infested water. She changed the sharks to friendly dolphins and visualized this new dream for five minutes twice a day—once in the morning, and once before bed. Her nightmares disappeared within weeks.” Photo: istock
Why Do My Dreams Seem So Real that I Wake Up Crying or Laughing?
more active when you’re dreaming, “which is why a dream can seem so vivid and evoke so much emotion,” says Dr. Barrett. Pay attention to any negative emotions your dream evokes, especially if they stay with you for the rest of the day, advises Tore Nielsen, PhD, professor of psychiatry and director of the Dream and Nightmare Laboratory at the University of Montreal. “Think of the most recent time you felt the way you did in your dream. Upon reflection, you may realize that you felt that way when you argued with your husband recently, or when you ran into someone who was rude. It usually doesn’t take much digging to figure out the source of that emotion, and doing so can help you get closure.” Photo: Thinkstock
Can Dreams Predict the Future?
A lot of us have had dreams that foreshadowed an actual event—a relative’s death, the breakup of a relationship. But in reality, a prophetic dream, even one about something unexpected, is just bringing to light an issue you’ve been subconsciously worried about, says Dr. Barrett. If you wake up from a dream feeling disturbed, ask yourself, Have there been hints of that situation in my daily life that I’ve ignored? Say you dreamt of losing your job. Have you recently had any unnerving discussions with your boss?
If you dream of medical ailments like heart attacks, take it seriously, say experts. “Many of my students and associates have had recurring dreams that alerted them to health problems,” says Stanley Krippner, PhD, professor of psychology at Saybrook University in San Francisco. “It’s your body’s subtle way of telling you that something strange is going on. If you have a dream like this more than a few times, see your doctor to get checked out.” Photo: Creatas/Thinkstock
Most of us have sex-related dreams at one time or another, but dreaming about an old boyfriend or a hunky coworker “doesn’t mean that you want to cheat on your spouse,” says Dr. Barrett. Sex dreams are less about wanting to have sex with that person and more about desiring an attribute he represents. So if you dream about a college fling, for example, “you may be feeling nostalgic for a time when you were young and carefree,” says Dr. Barrett.
The same holds true if you dream about sex with a man you don’t know. “When you wake up, ask yourself what characteristics the stranger had, and whether or not those are traits you wish your husband possessed,” says Dr. Barrett. Most of the time, pleasant sex dreams don’t mean you’re dissatisfied with your sex life or unhappy in your marriage. You just want a little of what your “dream” man symbolizes, like assertiveness, say, or nurturing.
When should you take note? “If the dream involves a negative, like having sex in public while strangers recoil, it could be your own sexual anxieties spilling over into your dreams,” says Dr. Barrett. Perhaps you’re feeling embarrassed about something your husband wants you to do in bed. Your best bet in this case? Talk to him about it. Photo: Jupiterimages/Thinkstock ( yahoo.com )
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How to Deal With Loneliness
Affects everyone
Psychiatrist Gregg Krech says, "We're witnessing the rise of loneliness. Especially during festival time. For many, this is a time for loneliness, sadness, anxiety, depression, and family conflict. The most vulnerable persons are the lonely, including empty-nesters and the recently-widowed. Recently, Thomas Dumm's "Loneliness as a Way of Life" portraits loneliness as sombre and sometimes quite hard to take. The lonely are, refugees from others and strangers to themselves. Their isolation causes them to doubt everyone and everything.
Meet Sonali Khanna, 40, doctor, trying to beat the loneliness blues. ``It's been a while, since I have been able to get excited about anything. I just feel down-in-the-dumps during the days. I find myself thinking a lot about my dad who died just before Christmas five years ago. Death does have a way of putting a damper on the holidays, I thought that each year would be easier and it's not really. I find myself angry over his unnecessary death. Things like he'll never see me get married, never know my children... the list goes on and on. This is a time, when I feel the sadness in my life.''
Socialise!
In her blog on Loneliness, Laura's writes, how socialising is the best way to beat loneliness. And it's essential to recognise the symptoms: sadness, loss of interest or pleasure in usual activities, social anxiety disorder. "People experience an intense fear of being scrutinised by other people in social or performance situations as well as being fearful of negative evaluation. Even going to a mall to buy a gift can be a stressful and emotionally challenging activity for someone with this condition," says psychiatrist Dr Avdesh Sharma.
Says Seema Prakash, Director, Sanjeevani, "We get a lot of calls from the age-group of 18-to-35 youngsters. Single women call up with their relationship problems, teenagers call with exam-stress, somehow at the end of the year, they feel they can't cope with the stress. There are desperate almost suicidal calls from some people during this time. The change of weather leads to change of hormones in some people, less activity, fatty-food intake all increase an individual's vulnerability to depression.'"
Go easy on the sugar
According to Kathleen DesMaisons, the author of Potatoes Not Prozac, sugar can play havoc with your blood sugar system. You might get a quick `lift' from some cookies. But it may not be long before you find yourself craving a cup of coffee or a piece of pie just to help you feel a bit more alert. And as your blood sugar levels crash so does your energy level and your spirits. "Eating nuts and cakes can make you sluggish,'' adds Dr Avdesh Sharma. Be it drifting into past or future planning, most emotional trauma is a result of worrying about our past or thinking what-will-happen-next.
Annapurna Dhar, deputy director, of Sumaitri, suicide-prevention NGO says: "In the last few years, we've seen a rise in number of people who are depressed and suicidal. I get a lot of desperate calls, all of them feel a sense of hopelessness. There's an increase in emotional insecurity. I advise, individuals to adopt a disciplined life and have an exercise schedule that beats the blues and socialise more."
So, keep these tips in mind and chase loneliness away. ( idiva.com )
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How To Identify Your Stress Triggers
Stress is the body's reaction to a mentally or emotionally disruptive or upsetting condition; to adverse external influences capable of affecting our physical health. Many of us are so accustomed to stress that we are blind to the effects it has on our bodies. In an article entitled "Stress and Health," published in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, Peggy A. Thoits, a professor at Indiana University, Bloomington, examined four decades of sociological stress research and offered five major findings. Of note was the first finding, which showed the damaging impact on our physical and mental health from stressors such as traumas, negative events and chronic strains.
Traumas represent extreme threats to a person's physical or psychological well-being, and as Thoits writes, they may include "combat, natural disasters, sexual or physical assault or abuse, witnessing violence done to others, and parental death during childhood." Recovering from a traumatic event takes time and can be frightening, painful and potentially re-traumatizing. Thus, it is best to seek professional help from a trauma expert.
Negative events that can trigger stress include divorce, job loss and the death of a loved one. Chronic strains or ongoing difficulties center around "financial concerns... caring for a disabled child or frail parent, and troubled relationships with coworkers" (Thoits).
By recognizing your physical reaction to negative events or chronic strains, you can then take steps to metabolize the harmful buildup of stress hormones in your body. Here are a few tips to help you manage your stress and build the resilience skills and attitudes necessary to living a healthier life.
Know your body's stress response. When we are under stress, our body sends us signals -- our heart beats rapidly, we begin to sweat, our respiration increases, our digestion decreases. What signals do you recognize?
Let your words be your guide. Do you sometimes say things like, "My head feels like it's in a vise," or, "My heart is banging out of my chest," or, "My blood is boiling"? When we refer to someone as a "pain in the neck" or a "pain in the a--," often we are feeling muscle tension in the neck or lower back. So listen to your language. You are telling yourself you are under stress.
Keep a stress-awareness journal. By noting your stress triggers and your body's response to them, you will develop a better ability to take action to reduce those stressors.
Strengthen resilience skills and attitudes. How quickly we bounce back from crises is dependent on how resilient we are. People who can deal with their emotions, who are flexible in their thoughts and actions, who are resilient, are able to rebound faster.
Commit to the change process. Change is not easy; old habits die hard. Change is especially hard when a behavior or attitude is longstanding or involves an addictive substance. (Just ask anyone attempting to quit smoking.) And change is stressful. It requires thinking differently, acting differently and commitment. For more than a decade, James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente of the University of Rhode Island have been studying the change process, looking initially at how people change health habits, such as smoking. They concluded that people cycle through a five-step change process called the Transtheoretical Model of Change:
- Pre-contemplation: In this first stage, we are not thinking seriously about changing and are not interested in any kind of help. There is a tendency to defend the current bad habit(s), and we do not feel that the behavior (or attitude) is a problem. We may exhibit defensiveness, feeling that change is being imposed upon us.
- Contemplation: In the second stage there is some awareness of the personal consequences of the bad habit. At this point we consider the possibility of changing, although we are ambivalent. We will cycle through weighing the pros and cons of quitting or modifying the behavior (or attitude), at times doubting that the long-term benefits will outweigh the short-term costs.
On the positive side, we are more open to receiving information about the bad habit, and are more likely to reflect on our own feelings and thoughts concerning the habit and seek some form of intervention.
- Preparation and decision: In this stage, we are getting ready for, and have made a commitment to, making a change. We are no longer ambivalent: "I've got to do something about this; this is serious. Something has to change. What can I do?"
- Action: In stage four, we have come to believe that we have the ability to change the behavior, and now will be actively involved in taking the necessary steps. At this point in the process, we need specific information, tools and guidance for implementing change. We may seek a therapist or attend a self-help group, such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). The key to success at this stage is to analyze and understand behavior change efforts in a way that enhances self-confidence and sustains motivation.
- Maintenance: The final stage focuses on maintaining new patterns of behavior. When the response becomes automatic, we are then able to successfully avoid any temptations to return to the bad habit. By this point in the change process, we have reformulated the rules of our life and have acquired new skills for dealing with life and avoiding relapse.
Hang tough during difficult times. Sometimes things just don't go our way. We anticipate certain outcomes, and then life throws us a high-speed curve ball. It's okay to wallow in a little self-pity -- temporarily. This allows the negative thoughts and emotions to flush out of your system. How quickly you extricate yourself from the muck and mire of negativity depends on the strength of your resilience skills.
Accept what is not in your control. The frustration or anger that wells inside us from situations not only out of our control but which have nothing to do with us, chips away at our peace of mind and releases stress hormones. The capacity to manage strong emotions and impulses involves taking action without being impulsive and putting emotions aside when clear thinking is required. Resilient people stay calm under pressure and persevere, and keep their focus on the goal for the long haul.
As Kenny Rogers said: "You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away." ( huffingtonpost.com )
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