UN Report Calls for End to Injustices Faced by Women

UN Report Calls for End to Injustices Faced by Women - Women from minority groups are often victims of rape and torture and are specifically targeted because of their ethnicity or religion. That’s according to a report published in Britain on Wednesday. Women are also the focus of a report published by the United Nations on Wednesday.

Mark Lattimer heads Minority Rights Group International. He said that minority women are the most vulnerable to physical violence.

"What has personally shocked me is that for women from minority groups, that discrimination takes the form of actual physical violence. In countries right around the world, minority women are being targeted for rape and other forms of violence simply on account of their ethnicity or their religion," said Lattimer.

Minority Rights Group made those women the focus of its annual report on Wednesday.

Lattimer says in conflict areas the problem is acute. The report highlights Iraq, where it says Christian and other minority women have been forced to wear head scarves to defend against violent attacks. In Somalia, it says Bantu and other minority women suffer rape and perpetrators attack with impunity.

Rape as a weapon

The report says rape is a weapon of war and minority women, because of their often low social-economic status, are most vulnerable.

Lattimer says minority women also suffer in peacetime. It’s key, he says, that their rights aren’t forgotten.

"We have come a long way in the last ten, twenty years in understanding the need to focus on defending the rights of women around the world," said Lattimer. "I think the scale of violations of women's rights has shocked many people. But I think those who are focused on women's rights need to understand that not all women are the same and that particular groups of women are much, much more vulnerable than others."

The report on minority women comes on the same day that the U.N.’s recently formed Women’s Agency published its first report.

Focus areas

Minority women are one focus of a broad campaign to put women at the forefront of the global agenda.

It looks at a range of issues in countries around the world, including violence, political and economic power, and legal protection. What rights, it asks, do women actually have.

John Hendra is Assistant Secretary-General of U.N. Women. He was in London for the report’s launch. "There is a lot of evidence that to really achieve the global development goals, the greatest multiplier effect is women's empowerment: ensuring equal access by women and girls to education, basic services, health and decision making," he said.

'Good news, bad news'

The report says across the board there is good news and bad news.

Politically, in some countries women are surging ahead. In Rwanda, for example, 51 percent of the parliament is female. But globally, only one-fifth of women are parliamentarians.

In 173 countries women are guaranteed paid maternity leave, but that’s not the case everywhere - not, for example, in the United States.

Rape in marriage is criminalized in 52 countries. But 2.6 billion women live in countries where it’s legal.

Hendra says the U.N. agency is designed to bring all this information under one roof so that governments and organizations can channel energy and resources where they’re most needed. "Our pockets are not deep but our role is much more trying to bring a much more synergistic approach to the U.N. system," he said.

According to the U.N. report, the gender pay gap was 20 percent in 2010. Hendra says giving women economic equality is key to women’s rights. ( voanews.com )

READ MORE - UN Report Calls for End to Injustices Faced by Women

South Asian Women Need More Domestic Violence Protection

South Asian Women Need More Domestic Violence Protection - International rights activists say South Asian women need more legal protection from violence brought on by their own families. A new report from the United Nations says even in countries with domestic violence laws in place - justice remains out of reach for millions of women.

Laws non existing, or inadequate

The report titled In Pursuit of Justice notes that only four South Asian countries - Sri Lanka, India, Nepal, and Bangladesh - have laws specifically prohibiting domestic violence. But even where laws exist, scholars say lack of awareness, poverty, and social stigma often prevent women from accessing legal help.

United Nations Women, which was formed last year to focus on gender equality and women's empowerment, points to nearly 90,000 cases of family violence in 2009 here in India alone. The report says 35 percent of Indian respondents surveyed say they have been physically abused by family members.

Madhu Bala Nada is a senior policy advisor to UN Women in India.

"We have to re-look at the way we have been looking at family as a protective unit," said Madhu Bala Nada.

Child bride at the Balaji temple in Kamkheda village, in the western Indian state of Rajasthan, May 7, 2011

Hina Jilani is a prominent lawyer and co-founder of the Human Rights Commission of Pakistan. She agrees South Asian countries should stop behaving as though family matters fall outside the justice system.

"The family has now become the locus of violence, especially against women and children and the whole question of family being the basic unit of society is there in international instruments [of human rights] as well as in many constitutions," said Hina Jilani. "So I would say we really need to review the whole notion, and stop romanticizing the family."

The UN Women's report says nearly half of all women surveyed in Bangladesh report incidents of physical violence by their partners.

Bangladeshi women's rights activist Sultana Kamal says the country's domestic violence law can not make much of an impact unless attitudes also evolve.

"In our society there is an acceptance of violence against women - either explicit or latent," said Sultana Kamal. "It's a culture of impunity. The whole society will have to stand up and say this can't go on."

But Lakshmi Puri, assistant U.N. secretary-general for gender equality and empowerment, says passing domestic violence legislation can be a good catalyst for changing public mindsets.

"When there is a law against domestic violence, people realize - even in the family context - that it is not a natural thing to do," said Lakshmi Puri. "That strengthens the perception that it is wrong to use violence against women and girls, in the family."

Sapana Pradhan Malla, a member of Nepal's Constituent Assembly, says the laws in place to protect women should be enforced.

"Generally what happens in our part of the world - yes, we criminalize excessive use of power, we also criminalize abuse of power," said Sapana Pradhan Malla. "But we don't criminalize non-action of state actors, so we need to criminalize and make them accountable."

Not enough women in official positions

United Nations officials say more women in law enforcement and the justice system could also help victims of violence. Currently, in South Asia, women make up just 9 percent of judges, 4 percent of prosecution staff and just 3 percent of police.

Experts say increasing the number of women in such positions could better help South Asian women understand and navigate the justice process, many of whom are impoverished, illiterate and unaware of the laws and programs in place to protect them. ( voanews.com )

READ MORE - South Asian Women Need More Domestic Violence Protection

Are You Too Old for Long Hair?

Are You Too Old for Long Hair? - Our exclusive one-on-one talk with A Celebrity Hair Pro - There are certain guarantees in life: Death. Taxes. A 'Real Housewives' season premiere.

And there is a final guarantee, which is in the form of a question you will ask yourself at some point after you celebrate your 45th birthday.

Deep breath. Are you too old for long hair?

My Midlifer self was asking that exact question yesterday while my behind was parked in a great swivel-y chair at the swanky Aria Salon in Las Vegas. I was there to get a little color, but my questions were really about hair length.

Should I get my post shoulder length hair chopped? Should I let it grow longer? Can it grow longer? Should I even try? Should I pull a Jennifer Aniston and get that adorable bob? Should I have a salad for lunch or a burger? Wait….. I digress.

Jeff Wescott, the man who saved my hair from the ravages of too many highlights (hello, straw hair in 2010), is the lead color director at the Aria. He's also one of the best hair advisors of celebs and non-celebs alike.

So I asked him: Am I too old for long hair?

Deep breath. Little prayer. Please say no. Please say no.

"This idea that as you get older that you should cut your hair is an old wives tale," Jeff insists.

Whew.

"I believe if you look good in short hair and feel pretty then get it chopped. If you look good in long hair at any age and feel pretty then do it.

"The very worst thing to do," he cautions, "is to believe that when you get older that you must have short hair or that you're required to even go a little shorter."

It's what this column likes to call Beauty BS.

HOW LONG IS TOO LONG?

Of course, we've all seen that woman whose hair goes way down her back like a river. Sometimes we see her at the discount mall. Sometimes we see her at the ballet. The hair has taken over her being. She's grown up Cousin It.

When she turns around, the face is post 50.

"I do believe that anything past your bra straps after 50 is excessive," Jeff advises. "But you can certainly explore anything below your collarbone.

"And please," he pleads. "Just because you're turning 50 or 60 does not mean – and I repeat – does not mean that you get your hair cut above your earrings – unless you love that sort of style, which incidentally only works on a few facial types."

"Be pretty. Feel pretty," he says.

"The saddest thing is when I get a client over 50 who just chopped off her hair and feels miserable about it. When we age, sometimes our hair doesn't grow as quickly. Now that woman has a long grow out ahead of her.

"Again, if you can carry off the long hair then do it or gradually cut to where you feel good. Don't do anything drastic," he says.

GOING GREY…NOW THAT IS THE QUESTION

Jeff does caution that women should think carefully about allowing their hair to go naturally gray. Of course, it looks stunning on certain ladies like Helen Mirren. I also have a friend whose natural gray looks like a bad wool skirt I had in the '80s.

"There are other women who go gray and tell me, 'I earned every one of those gray hairs,'" Jeff says. "I joke, 'Honey, no one wants to know that life has been that rough!"

"A little hair color can take a decade off your look. Sometimes gray can make someone who is 50 look 60. The choice is yours, but color is an instant way to erase years," he says.

He advises to stay away from constant highlights, which dry hair out and can even make it break off when you're a bit older.

"Color should be simple. Don't do 15 different streaks and colors. Choose one rich color. After 45, you don't need to do the base color and highlights every single time," Jeff says.

"That's so hard on your hair. Just do the base and then highlights a few times a year," he says.

BUT BACK TO LENGTH

My big Midlifer question is how often should I get my past my collarbone hair cut?

"You can do what I call a haircut without a haircut. You just nip the ends every eight to ten weeks. If you're getting it cut monthly it's too much. Your hair will never get a chance to grow longer because you're cutting all the growth," Jeff says.

"If you want your hair to grow, double up the time you're doing right now between cuts," he advises.

His favorite cut for fall? It's not long or short. In fact, it might be just right.

"I love Jennifer Aniston's new bob," Jeff says. "It's sexy. It moves. It says I'm a woman not a girl.

"You can't go wrong," he advises. ( lifegoesstrong.com )

READ MORE - Are You Too Old for Long Hair?

Women's Wicked Thoughts

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

READ MORE - Women's Wicked Thoughts

How Hot Are You? Promiscuous Men and Warm Women Know Best

How Hot Are You? Promiscuous Men and Warm Women Know Best - People who fit gender stereotypes in their dating habits are better at judging their own hotness than those who march to the beat of a different drummer, a new study of speed-daters has found.

Men who hew closest to stereotypically male patterns of dating — a desire to play the field and have more no-strings-attached sex — are better at judging how attractive they are to potential dates than are men who prefer a quieter dating lifestyle. Similarly, women who conform to the traditional female dating personality of warmth and trust are better at judging their own appeal than the less-stereotypical ladies, researchers report in an upcoming issue of the journal Psychological Science.

The researchers speculate that the reason for their finding is that daters who conform to gender stereotypes get more practice at the mating game. Promiscuous men are more likely to put themselves out there than shy guys, thus interacting with more women and developing a better understanding of what the other sex wants. Meanwhile, warm, trusting women may attract more flirtation than their aloof counterparts, increasing their experience with men's likes and dislikes.

The dating game

Knowing your own hotness is important in dating and mating, wrote study researcher Mitja Back of the University of Mainz in Germany. A schlub living in his mom's basement may be wasting his time pursuing Angelina Jolie, while a smart, accomplished go-getter may sell himself short in the romantic realm by hooking up with a woman not his social equal. From an evolutionary perspective, the best way to pass your genes on is to reproduce with the highest-quality mate you can find without wasting your time chasing after people out of your league.

To find out how good people are at striking that balance, Back and her colleagues asked 192 female and 190 male participants in real-life speed-dating events to fill out questionnaires about their personalities. She also had each person predict how many interested dates they'd have on the hook before the night was out.

After the participants rotated through their three-minute speed dates, they filled out forms indicating whether they'd like to see their dates again. The researchers calculated people's attractiveness, or "mate value," by tallying the number of "yes" forms each participant got. They then compared the actual number of yeses with the number of yeses each dater expected.


Hot stuff

On the whole, none of the participants were stellar at predicting their attractiveness to others. However, personality and gender had an influence on how well people gauged themselves. Men who had what researchers called "unrestricted sociosexuality" (in other words, a tendency toward promiscuity), were better at guessing how many women would like them. For every 10 percent increase in their estimates, 2.2 percent more women actually wanted to see them again. For more-restrained men and for women who were either restrained or promiscuous, the expected number of dates showed no correlation with how many people actually wanted to go out for drinks.

Women who rated low on "agreeableness," a trait comprising warmth, trust and cooperativeness, and both agreeable and disagreeable men were hopeless at guessing how many dates they'd score. Women who were highly agreeable did much better: For every 10 percent increase in their predictions, 4 percent more men wanted to see them again.

Because personality is partially heritable, the researchers wrote, the findings could open the way for future research on how personality traits are passed on and if there is an evolutionary component to the link between gender and personality. The next step, Back wrote, is to find out how well people evaluate each other's choosiness — and to learn whether they know what it is about themselves that's so appealing. ( LiveScience.com )

READ MORE - How Hot Are You? Promiscuous Men and Warm Women Know Best

Kate is every inch the people's princess as she steps out in High Street frock for first day as a Royal

Kate is every inch the people's princess as she steps out in High Street frock for first day as a Royal - She entered Westminster Abbey a commoner and walked out a Duchess. But as Catherine Mountbatten-Windsor, Duchess of Cambridge left Buckingham Palace with her Prince yesterday morning, she proved that her feet remain firmly on the ground.

The outfit chosen by Kate for her first day as a member of the royal family cemented her status as the new people's princess.

Eschewing designer labels, Kate stepped out in a cornflower blue £49.99 Zara dress with £129.99 black patent pumps from LK Bennett (the same pair she wore for her King's Road shopping spree the day before her wedding), paired with a simple black jacket.

People's princess: The Duchess of Cambridge chose a £49.99 Zara dress and £129.99 LK Bennett pumps for her first appearance following the wedding

Relaxed: Prince William and the Duchess of Cambridge walked hand in hand from Buckingham Palace in London before departing in a helicopter for a weekend away in an undisclosed location, possibly Scotland

Of course, her glossy brunette mane was perfectly coiffured, her make up - which she applies expertly herself - was subtle but impeccable, and the hemline revealed just enough of those 'killer pins' - a reference to which Harry was said to have struck out of his best man's speech at the last minute for fear of embarrassing his new sister-in-law.

It has been widely commented that Kate has handled her courtship and wedding to William with typically understated aplomb, never losing the relaxed girl-next-door charm that William found so attractive.

She champions the High Street, and ahead of her wedding was seen visiting various mid-market stores to pick up summer pieces, said to be for her honeymoon trousseau.

At Warehouse Kate picked up summer dresses and a simple embroidered blouse, spending £255. At Whistles, one of her favourite shops, she picked up a duplicate of the cream blouse she wore for her Mario Testino engagement pictures (re-released and christened 'Kate'), a pair of blue and white spotty, high-waisted trousers and a lemon T-shirt.

Sister Pippa has received almost as many accolades as Kate following her faultless performance at the wedding.

Proving that she has fashion nous to equal her sister, Pippa stepped out of The Goring hotel yesterday wearing a royal blue blazer with figure-hugging white jeans and cream ballet pumps.

Centre of attention: Pippa Middleton's tight white jeans will have pleased her many new-found fans, who have dedicated countless Facebook fan sites in tribute to her derriere ( dailymail.co.uk )

READ MORE - Kate is every inch the people's princess as she steps out in High Street frock for first day as a Royal

Men with feminine faces more likely to be a hit with women

Men with feminine faces more likely to be a hit with women - Men with feminine faces will be luckier in love as more women are attracted to them than masculine men, according to a new study.

Most women prefer men with more feminine shaped faces and darker skin, according the research by psychologists at New York and Princeton universities.

But the investigation found that men typically also want women’s faces to be feminine with plump lips and wide eyes.

Dude looks like a lady: The study found that women are attracted to men with feminine faces, such as Steven Tyler who is famed for his pouty and full lips

Wide eyes and plump lips: American footballer Tom Brady and Orlando Bloom

Two groups of men and women were shown a selection of thousands of computer-generated faces of the opposite sex to rate, which had been manipulated to look either more masculine or feminine.

The computer model tested 50 dimensions of facial features, including nose size, plumpness of lips and facial colouring.

The scientists found that more men want women’s faces to have a feminine shape, while women want men’s faces to have a feminine shape, but darker skin.

Hit with the ladies: Rockers David Bowie and Mick Jagger in their younger days

Hot boys: Film stars Leonardo DiCaprio and Zac Efron

The findings show that male and female attractiveness are not equal and opposite, according to the researchers.

The authors of the study, which will be published by the Psychological Science journal, also found that the appeal of average faces is less straightforward than previously thought.

Psychologists Christopher Said and Alexander Todorov, who carried out the research, said that attractiveness is more complex than had been found by previous studies.

Feminine? Actor Jude Law and soccer player David Beckham

While both men and women find average faces attractive, the most average faces are not considered the most attractive.

Christopher Said of New York University said: ‘This paper helps sort out the uncertainty about whether masculinity is attractive or not in male faces.’ ( dailymail.co.uk )

READ MORE - Men with feminine faces more likely to be a hit with women

Women DO get more upset during rows - but only because men always start them in the first place

Women DO get more upset during rows - but only because men always start them in the first place - It is the age-old complaint of long-suffering menfolk everywhere - that women take rows too much to heart.

Now research has confirmed the male suspicion is true, as women apparently do get more upset than their partners when couples squabble.

But husbands and boyfriends shouldn't feel too pleased with themselves; the same study showed that men cause most relationship rows in the first place.

The study found men expressed more 'powerful undermining emotions' than women in rows

According to research, women feel emotions more intensely than men when conflicts arise within a relationship.

However, it is men who are behind most rows between couples because they are more likely to express 'powerful undermining emotions' such as wrath or contempt.

The findings came from researchers at the University of Granada in Spain, who analysed the type of interpersonal emotions men and women feel when they face different conflicts within their relationship.

A total of 142 people - 75 women and 67 men - were exposed to five different situations in which a couple might experience an argument.

Researchers analysed the type of interpersonal emotions men and women feel, and the effect emotions have on the recurrence of conflict.

In situations where one partner offends the other or treats them disrespectfully, women felt miserable, while the situation in which one partner was physically aggressive during an argument, women felt more disappointed than men.

In another scenario where one partner distorted an argument to be right, research showed that women felt sadness, while men merely felt embarrassed.

Women were said to feel more intense emotions during arguments

During an argument with a partner, men were said to have more domineering or powerful emotions such as wrath, anger or contempt, while women would experience more submissive attitudes, like guilt, sadness or fear.

However, the research proved that women feel more intense emotions.

Researchers think that 'the socio-cultural context and gender-based roles assigned to men and women respectively might have a relevant influence on the generation of expectations concerning their role in relationships and in conflicts within the couple'.

They added: 'Thus, as society establishes certain rules on the composition of men-women relations, it also establishes some rules on how both are expected to act in certain conflictive situations.'

The research is published in the science journal Psychosocial Intervention. ( dailymail.co.uk )

READ MORE - Women DO get more upset during rows - but only because men always start them in the first place

When It Comes to Sex, Women Put Quality before Quantity

When It Comes to Sex, Women Put Quality before Quantity - MOST men in heterosexual relationships feel they are not having enough sex, but seem more satisfied than women with the sex they are having, an Australian study has found.

Whether we have our desired amount of sex influences not only how happy we are with our sex life, but also our overall relationship, the researchers found.

Their study of more than 6500 men and women in regular relationships showed 54 per cent of men and 42 per cent of women were not satisfied with the amount of sex they were having. But while the dissatisfied men overwhelmingly wanted more sex, one-third of the dissatisfied women wanted less.

The study's co-author, Juliet Richters, of the School of Public Health and Community Medicine at the University of NSW, said often women preferred sex involving more than traditional intercourse. When this was not forthcoming, they could lose interest.

"They are just not getting the sex they want," she said.

"We have this idea that sex should revolve around intercourse and that favours the man of course,' she said.

This mismatch in expectations could partly explain why the women were less likely to be satisfied with their relationship despite being more satisfied with the amount of sex they were having, the research team wrote in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy.

Associate Professor Richters said the groups of men most likely to want less sex were aged 16 to 24, or those who had been in their relationship less than one year.

"If you look at some of the research it seems it often takes men of that age about a year to commit to a relationship, or longer," she said. "There are quite a lot of men who seem to get into relationships and start having sex and they are not at all sure that is what they want.'

The researchers said middle age seemed to be particularly unsatisfying for men.

'It may be no coincidence that this is when many couples face competing demands on their time, such as as juggling careers and raising a young family,' they said.

'It may also be possible that some women desire sex more often earlier in a relationship, or feel safer refusing sex in longer, more established relationships.' ( Sydney Morning Herald )

READ MORE - When It Comes to Sex, Women Put Quality before Quantity

Could kids be to blame for new parents' bad health habits?

Could kids be to blame for new parents' bad health habits? - A study found that mothers of young children were heavier and ate more calories, sugary drinks and fatty foods than childless women. Dads and moms in the study were less active than their peers without kids.

Sheri Lee Schearer, 34, says the results reflect her life with a 5-month-old son. Before, when she worked as a paralegal, she had time to make a spinach salad or go out for one. Now, as a stay-at-home mom in southern New Jersey, she grabs whatever is easiest and quickest.

"I often find that his needs come before mine," she said. "Do I get to the gym? No. Do I eat always healthy? No."

Quick, easily prepared foods are often high in fat and calories. Parents who choose these foods may end up serving them to their children, perpetuating a cycle of unhealthy eating, the study authors said.

"This isn't a study about blame," said co-author Jerica Berge, a University of Minnesota researcher. "This is about identifying ... a very high-risk time period" for parents that doctors should be aware of so they can offer solutions, she said.

That may include diet advice, parent-child exercise classes, or just getting parents to take walks with their kids, the researchers said.

The study involved 1,520 adults aged 25 on average, including parents with children younger than 5 years old. They were among more than 4,000 Minneapolis-area public school students enrolled in a study in their teens; the new study includes those who responded to two follow-up health surveys and answered questions about their diet and activity.

Results are published online Monday in the journal Pediatrics.

Mothers ate more fatty foods and drank about seven sugary drinks weekly, versus about four among childless women. Moms also had an average of 2,360 calories daily, 368 calories more than women without children. With that many calories, women that age would need to be active to avoid gaining weight, walking more than 3 miles daily at a moderate pace.

But mothers got on average a little more than two hours of at least moderate activity weekly, versus three hours weekly among childless women. Mothers had a slightly higher average body-mass index than childless women — 27 versus 26. Healthy BMIs are in the 19-24 range.

Fathers ate about the same amount of daily calories as childless men and both had an average BMI of about 25, but fathers got less physical activity — about five hours weekly, compared to almost seven hours among childless men.

Among study participants, more of the parents were black and had low incomes than the childless adults, but the researchers took race, income and other factors into account that might have affected diet or activity levels.

The study has several limitations; there's no data on how many women recently had babies, whose weight would still reflect pregnancy pounds. There's also no information on the number of single parents, who likely face even more diet and exercise challenges than married parents.

Sarah Krieger, an American Dietetic Association spokeswoman and St. Petersburg, Fla. dietitian who works with new mothers, said some of the mothers may have had postpartum depression, which might affect their eating and exercise habits.

Schearer, the New Jersey mom, said she's lost half the 40 pounds she gained while pregnant and doesn't care if she never loses that last 20 pounds.

Becoming a mom "has been the best thing that ever happened to me," she said. ( Associated Press )

READ MORE - Could kids be to blame for new parents' bad health habits?

What I’ve learned from dating after 40

What I’ve learned from dating after 40 - I somehow skipped dating in my teens and twenties. It was the 70s and then it was the 80s. We hung out, more than dated — and then sometimes the hanging out morphed into relationships. But a lot of times, it just morphed into listening to bad Neil Young albums and another round of Yahtzee. Married at 30 and then divorced at 42, I arrived at middle age no more prepared to date than a 14-year-old schoolgirl. But there I was, a schoolgirl with crow’s feet, a mortgage and two kids — heading out into the dating world.

That was years ago. Since then, I’ve had some disappointments, a lot more fun than I ever expected, a few very late nights, some long talks, a couple of promising relationships and finally a relationship that held more than promise, but through it all, I’ve learned a lot — about myself and about dating in the Middle Ages, or at least, in my middle age. Here’s a little of what I’ve learned.

At fortysomething, you have it “going on” more than you think

I wasted a lot of my youth. First, when I was in my early twenties and supposedly at the height of my powers of attraction, I was weighed down by about 20 extra pounds and a rock-bottom image of who I was as a person. Then I lost the weight (but not the low self-esteem) and spent about half a decade embroiled in a tragic, long-distance relationship that always seemed really tempting when we were hundreds of miles apart and then a monstrous mess when we were in the same city for more than 24 hours. Then, after that, I finished out my twenties in a city where 75 percent of the adult males were only interested in other men.

By the time I was divorced, my youth was over and so, I figured, were the years — if there ever were any — when men would find me attractive. I was pretty much a stay-at-home mom at the time whose idea of dressing up was probably a sweatshirt that didn’t have a stain trailing down the front. But while I’d grown older and my wardrobe had grown shabbier, I’d also sprouted a semblance of self-esteem and confidence and — I’m not saying this to brag, just sharing information with readers who may need it — apparently this shiny self-esteem stuff seemed to count for more than youth ever did because, oddly, men were more interested in me than they had been when I was in my twenties.

The first man to ask me out after my divorce was about seven years younger than me and handsome almost to a fault. We went out once, and while there was frankly nothing between us, the impact on my sense of self was tremendous. I was stopping in mirrors to give myself a nod. I got a couple of manicures and decided to change my hair and drop the sweats-only wardrobe.

Again, my point here is not to say I’m “all that,” but merely to say that if you are — as I was — someone whose self-image convinces you that you’re invisible on a good day, you might be surprised to learn that the hard-earned qualities you’ve gained over the years just might have made you more attractive. Sure, you may not have morphed into Beyonce, but to at least one crucial group of people you’re suddenly a prospect: others you find attractive and with whom you have something in common.

Adults (generally speaking) are looking for adult relationships

In my twenties, it seemed like relationships were this elusive thing that I was trying to get into and every male I met was trying to evade. Maybe there were lots of guys out there looking for a relationship but I felt drawn to the ones who wanted things to stay “casual” — and with time and practice, I learned to hide the fact that I wanted to be in a relationship at all. I tried to be cool and casual, but deep down, I was quite the opposite.

One thing I noticed right away about dating in my forties is that the men I met actually wanted to be in relationships. Frankly, at this age, it’s not fun just to date endlessly — you can’t stay up late because you’ll be insanely exhausted the next day, you might have babysitter issues to deal with and most of us are running the engines of our careers and pouring most of our money into mortgages. Generally, people in their forties want to meet someone so they can stop dating and hunker down on the sofa for the latest episode of Mad Men with someone who’ll pass the popcorn with a kiss. Let’s face it: We — the mid-lifers — are often too tired to go out. It doesn’t mean we want our lives to be devoid of love, though.

After 40, you know who you are — so dating gets easier

By this age, you know how you like your steak, how you’re going to vote and whether or not you like opera. Yes, there will still be a few discoveries along the way (otherwise, check your pulse!) but for the most part, you know yourself by now. And the knowledge you’ve gained over the last four decades will help you quickly figure out who could be a match for you and who most definitely is not a good fit. Yes, we’re not 25 anymore. But maybe, just maybe, that’s a good thing. ( yahoo.match.com )

READ MORE - What I’ve learned from dating after 40

Finding love in bookstores

Finding love in bookstores - Love in Bookstores - Browsing customers often circle each other like timid sharks - Several years ago, when I was not a bookstore employee but merely a regular customer, I wrote up BookCourt, an independent bookstore in Brooklyn, for the Village Voice's Best of New York. My entry posited, though I had no evidence to support it, that single people claimed the bookstore was good for finding romance.

It seemed to me the sort of thing that was probably true, in the same way that I assume good-looking waitresses and bartenders often get phone numbers slipped to them on cocktail napkins. Bookstores are magnets for people with an hour to kill, and isn't that when one's eyes are most likely to wander, to scan other people's faces for signs of friendliness? The wide tables of alluring, face-up hardcovers and paperbacks invite lingering fingers and quiet conversation. Surely, Brooklyn's single population was using the bookstore (and others like it) as a backdrop for finding true love.

I started to work at BookCourt a year-and-a-half ago—already an old, married lady of 29. Many of my co-workers, however, are in their early twenties, single as can be, and they often get asked out on dates by customers, and vice versa. The encounters often start with a question about Haruki Murakami or Roberto Bolano or Don DeLillo, which tells you something about both the literary taste of Brooklyn's youth and the writers most likely to be name-dropped by people who don't read very many books but who want to see you without your clothes on.

I have occasionally wondered why no one ever asks me on dates, but when a 23-year-old co-worker laughed hysterically at the thought of me going to her New Year's Eve party, I realized that I probably don't exude the glowing flares of someone who would go home with a stranger after a witty conversation about the lesser works of Philip Roth. Nevertheless, I watch it happen regularly: the shy approach, the careful hand-selection of a novel or a volume of poetry, the hand-off, the sweet ringing of the cash register, the slip of paper with the telephone number, the awkward good-bye.

Of course, it's not just staff members who find bookstores and their bookish patrons appealing. There are many reasons why bookstores are naturally romantic environments: the smell of paper, the soft lighting, the baseline understanding that those inside like to read, and are therefore probably not morons. Browsing customers often circle each other like timid sharks, the piles of books in their hands their only weapons. Heidegger implies late-night conversations over coffee and cigarettes; Rumi, a bathtub surrounded by candles. Ayn Rand indicates a need for a wide berth; Sarah Vowell means mornings spent listening to NPR while baking gluten-free cupcakes.

I've seen strangers start conversations over the newest arrivals, and maybe they're also checking one another's hands for tell-tale bands of gold. Well-established couples shop together, the bookstore clearly a part of their routine. Later down the line, they come back with dogs and strollers, but at the beginning, all they need is each other and a room full of potential conversations. Teenage couples curl up together in the children's section and read aloud to each other from their not-too-distant memories, and pairs in their twenties try on adulthood by merging their bookshelves, filling in the gaps by adding an Infinite Jest here, a Middlemarch there.

There are readings several nights a week at BookCourt, and the endless, free plastic cups full of Malbec stir the feeling of being in one's elementary school after hours, with the dark sky visible through the skylights and the room lively with possibility. I also feel this way when I go to other bookstores, whether its day or night, where I know the books on the shelves less intimately, and am more likely to be surprised by an unfamiliar spine. There is that tactile pleasure, the spine, as if each book were a new lover whose body must be learned.

I suppose this connection is why some bookstores, such as Brooklyn's WORD, have a dating board, with anonymously-written index cards stuck into cork, each note expressing their paper-y needs: must love Nabokov, or detective novels, or villanelles. I know of one couple, still together more than a year later, who met in exactly this way, by picking each other's card off the board. Isn't that what we're all looking for, after all, a feeling of community that may extend beyond the book club and into our bedrooms? I imagine that people who care most deeply about cooking would want to find a like-minded soul, and that those who prized rodeos above all else would begin their search there, in the dusty ring. Bookstores have the additional bonus of being all of those things at once, with each section acting as a wardrobe one can walk through into a different world.

A few days ago, on a slow evening, a young couple lingered on the sofa at the back of the store. I wasn't working, having long ago discovered that I am more of a rooster than an owl, but my good friend who usually works nights reported that the couple shuffled up to him, both beaming and bashful, and reported that they'd just gotten engaged, right there on the couch. They wanted to know if there were security cameras, because they'd like to play back the moment, over and over again. Maybe there is also that impulse inherent in a bookstore romance, that the love story itself will be codified and reproduced, printed and bound. Bookstores offer the hope that love, like any favorite novel, can be enjoyed over and over again, until one knows every sentence by heart. ( slate.com )

READ MORE - Finding love in bookstores

Romantic Breakups Cause Real Pain

Romantic Breakups Cause Real Pain - Rejection quite literally hurts — the experience and the memory of getting dumped by a loved one trigger brain regions linked with physical sensations of pain, scientists find.

Around the world, people for centuries have used the same language — words like "hurt" and "pain" — to describe mental suffering as well as physical suffering, leading researchers to wonder if the sensations weren't activating the same parts of the brain.

Speculatively, it makes sense that getting your heart broken could feel like something literally breaking. During the course of human evolution, rejection from a group could leave one extraordinarily vulnerable, researcher Edward Smith, a cognitive neuroscientist at Columbia University in New York, told LiveScience, "so that might be why this link evolved between rejection and pain, to make us want to avoid rejection."

Past research had not found much to suggest rejection triggered pain areas in the brain. However, those studies had attempted to elicit feelings of rejection in test subjects by telling them they had been excluded from a computer game, for instance, or that anonymous feedback suggested a stranger did not like them — examples that might trigger only tepid feelings of rejection. "We wanted something bigger," Smith said.

Smith and his colleagues put out fliers in Manhattan and online ads on Facebook and Craigslist looking for people who had been through an unwanted breakup of a romance in the last six months. As the brains of the 40 volunteers were scanned through functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), half the time they looked at photos of their ex, and half the time they looked at photos of a friend. During both situations, participants were asked to focus on experiences they shared with the people in the pictures.

For comparison to their response to physical discomfort, the participants also had probes placed on their forearms that could get painfully hot.

The scientists found that parts of the brain linked with physical pain also lit up when individuals were remembering bad breakups.

"Rejection literally hurts," Smith said.

The researchers are now looking at possible techniques for easing such mental suffering, including methods that therapists already use. "For instance, one piece of advice when thinking about rejection is to view experiences with an ex-partner as an outside person from a distance," Smith said. "We want to see if this really does help at the level of the brain."

Smith didn't recommend taking an aspirin for such pain. "An hour later, you might just start thinking of that person again," he said. ( foxnews.com )

READ MORE - Romantic Breakups Cause Real Pain

Nearly a third of mothers are now working full-time

Nearly a third of mothers are now working full-time - The number of mothers working full-time has increased from less than a quarter to almost a third over the past 15 years, official figures revealed yesterday.

The Office for National Statistics said 29 per cent of mothers worked full-time at the end of last year, up from 23 per cent in 1996, driven by a growth in full-time working generally.

A higher proportion of mothers worked part-time rather than full-time, while there was also a narrowing of the gap between employment rates for mothers and for women with no dependent children.

New figures show 29 per cent of mothers were working full-time at the end of last year

In 1996 the employment rate for mothers was 61 per cent, while for women without children it was 67 per cent. By the end of last year the gap had almost gone, with 66 per cent of mothers and 67 per cent of women without children in employment, the figures showed.

Since the onset of the recession, the employment rate for women without children has fallen back from its peak of 70 per cent in 2006, driven mainly by a fall in employment for those aged 16 to 24.

ONS statistician Jamie Jenkins said: 'Over 15 years the proportion of mothers working part-time hasn't changed much but the number of full-timers has risen markedly, which is what's driving the increase in working mothers.'

TUC general secretary Brendan Barber said: 'The rising proportion of mothers in work over the last 15 years is a ringing endorsement of family-friendly working practices such as better parental leave and pay, and the right to request flexible working.

'The expansion of quality, affordable childcare through Sure Start centres, now under threat due to local government cuts, has also helped parents find work.

'It is deeply worrying that the Government is about to turn the clock back by abandoning plans to extend family-friendly working, cutting childcare tax credits and forcing hundreds of thousands of women out of work through mass public sector job cuts.' ( dailymail.co.uk )

READ MORE - Nearly a third of mothers are now working full-time

Sorry darling, I think it's the MANopause

Sorry darling, I think it's the MANopause: How doctors are prescribing HRT to some men - At the age of 45, Reg Edge began to worry that he was suffering from a terminal illness. The normally super-efficient electronics engineering boss was suffering from memory loss, swollen joints, night sweats, extreme exhaustion and loss of libido.

Indeed, his behaviour was so out of character that his wife Anita, a computer programmer, thought he must have fallen for someone else. Certainly, as she pointed out, he was no longer interested in her.

‘I could barely drag myself out of bed in the morning,’ says Reg. ‘I felt like a zombie. I no longer wanted sex, had no energy whatsoever and my memory was so bad I had to write simple instructions on my hand, such as “Lock office door”.’

The successful businessman was in turmoil. ‘I’m 6ft tall, weigh 12st, and haven’t suffered a day’s illness in my life. Suddenly I no longer felt like myself. And as well as physical symptoms, my personality changed. I’d blow my top at the slightest provocation. At first, I put it down to work stress, but then I thought I must be really ill.’

The World Health Organisation refuses to recognise 'andropause' as a medical condition and many GPs remain sceptical about whether it actually exists

Eventually, after suffering for more than a year, Reg went to see his GP, who did a battery of tests for everything from ME to Aids.

In fact, as Reg later discovered, he was suffering from a classic case of the male menopause, or the ‘andropause’ as it has been dubbed by scientists.

This is a condition still mired in controversy — the World Health Organisation refuses to recognise it as a medical condition and many GPs remain sceptical about whether it actually exists. But a pioneering London clinic, the Centre for Men’s Health, argues that not only is it all too real, but cases are on the rise.

‘Our latest research of more than 10,000 men reveals that 20 per cent of men over 50 have been affected by the male menopause,’ says Dr Malcolm Carruthers, who runs the centre.

‘Testosterone deficiency syndrome is a common and serious condition that is not being diagnosed or treated. This is a condition that can wreck lives if left untreated, and also shorten lifespan because of its proven link to heart disease, obesity and diabetes.’

Like women, as men age their hormones levels begin to alter. In women, the difference is clear and unarguable — their reproductive system ceases to function and the hormones oestrogen and progesterone dip, causing hot flushes, irritability and tiredness.

For men, the change is much more gradual, but their testosterone levels, which determine virility, aggressiveness and energy, begin to fall.

Many men remain reluctant to admit they may be suffering from the male menopause as they see it as a threat to their masculinity.

Symptom: Many men report a complete loss of libido, leading to marriage problems (posed by models)

They are particularly mortified at having to admit to erectile dysfunction, which is one of the most common symptoms. So they suffer in silence, according to Dr Carruthers — damaging not only their health, but their family life and happiness.

Businessman Reg, now 66, says: ‘The loss of libido was awful. My wife Anita and I had always had a great sex life, but it became irrelevant to me. I didn’t even notice if women were attractive.

‘Then, one day, as I was driving into work, I heard Dr Carruthers being interviewed on Woman’s Hour, and I thought: “He’s describing my symptoms.” ’

When he visited the doctor’s Harley Street clinic, blood tests revealed that Reg’s testosterone level was less than ten pg/ml (picograms per milliliter of ‘free’ or available testosterone) — the normal range for men is 14 to 40 pg/ml.

Men who are testosterone-deficient are more likely to develop diabetes, heart disease, obesity, osteoporosis and Alzheimer’s

‘Dr Carruthers said I had the testosterone level of a 70-year-old man — and I was still only in my 40s,’ Reg says.

He was given a testosterone implant, and the results were extraordinary.

‘Within two weeks, my depression had lifted,’ he says. ‘I felt sharp, bright, and full of energy.’ His libido took longer to respond — several months — but it did eventually return.

‘I don’t get my testosterone replacement on prescription — I now use a gel that costs me about £50 every two months. I know I still need it — if I run low, the symptoms immediately start to come back. I have no side-effects whatsoever and I will stay on TRT (testosterone replacement therapy) as long as I can. It is no exaggeration to say that it has given me my life, and my relationship, back.’

Dr Carruthers says: ‘We’re now seeing a growing global awareness of the important role that testosterone plays in maintaining men’s health and quality of later life. With age, testosterone levels fall and we now know this leads to loss of energy, libido, erectile dysfunction, irritability, joint pain, memory impairment and depression.’

Grumpy old men, in other words, may have a medical explanation for their behaviour. There is also a more serious link, as it has been proven that men who are testosterone-deficient are more likely to develop diabetes, heart disease, obesity, osteoporosis and Alzheimer’s.

Yet even doctors can fail to recognise the symptoms. Dr Doug Savage — who is separated from his wife and has two grown-up children — is a GP specialising in sexual medicine and andrology (male health), yet even he didn’t realise he was suffering from the male menopause.

Dr Savage, 58, says: ‘It’s ironic that I would be treating men with testosterone deficiency, and yet failed to see I was suffering from the very same thing.’

Four years ago he noticed he was becoming profoundly tired. ‘As a hill walker and a very active man, I couldn’t understand it — my health had previously been so robust.

‘I would fall asleep in my chair between patients. My family dreaded me taking them on long journeys as I had started to nod off at the wheel. I was also losing interest in sex, and suffering from erectile dysfunction, which was very hard to accept.’

Exhausted: Some men report nodding off everywhere and being too tired to function normally

While walking in the Lake District three years ago, he realised he could not walk up even a gentle slope.

‘I thought I was having a heart attack — my heart was racing and I was exhausted.
‘Back home, I went to see a GP friend, and he ran all the blood tests on me. He was initially reluctant, but I made him add testosterone deficiency to the tests.’

When the results came back, they revealed Dr Savage’s testosterone level was just nine pg/ml. ‘I was very shocked, but also relieved — at last I had an explanation for the severity of my symptoms,’ he says.

'I was beginning to feel like an old man and I was only 41. I was also feeling depressed, but put that down to hitting my 40s.’

He was given Testogel (the gel form of TRT) and now, three years later, his hormone levels are at a healthy 18 pg/ml — well within the ‘normal range’.

He says: ‘I’m now full of energy — so energetic that I recently walked one of the Munro mountains in Scotland at more than 3,000ft with my daughter.’

Fellow GP Dr Don Hegarty, 55, from Chislehurst, Kent, was just 41 when he began suffering from the male menopause. Married to Sifa, 49, he works as an occupational health physician and between them they have three grown-up children.

‘I was very young to be going through the symptoms, but they were ruining my quality of life,’ he says. ‘I felt profoundly tired in the afternoons — I could nod off anywhere. I couldn’t concentrate and my memory was impaired. I also had lots of muscle aches.

‘In short, I was beginning to feel like an old man and I was only 41. I was also feeling depressed, but put that down to hitting my 40s.’

Then there was the loss of libido, which was having a profound impact on his relationship with his wife.

‘I read an article on testosterone deficiency, and I realised what all these vague symptoms added up to.’ Dr Hegarty was prescribed Restandol, a tablet form of TRT. ‘Within a few months, I realised I had more energy and could concentrate better. It isn’t a blinding flash, just a gradual improvement.

‘I didn’t turn into an Olympic sex god overnight, but it brought back my sex drive and my ability to maintain an erection, which had been really worrying me.’

He now uses Testogel, which he rubs into his shoulders and armpits. ‘I have a check-up twice a year and I have managed to get it on NHS prescription. Unlike HRT, you can stay on this for ever and I’ve no intention of stopping.

‘Now I’m up at 5.30 every morning, work all day and see a personal trainer three times a week. I am fitter than I’ve ever been.’

While female hormones tend to plateau after a period of several years in the menopause, men’s testosterone levels continue to deplete well into old age.

For this reason, most men remain on TRT on a permanent basis — and if they stop taking it, they experience the return of all their troubling symptoms within a very short time.

Success: 'Suddenly I felt like a young man again. My libido is what is used to be and that makes a big difference to my relationship.' (Posed by models)

Former fishing boat captain Ian McDonald believes TRT saved his life.

The 74-year-old, who now works as a photographer and is married to Lilian, 73, says his male menopause was so profound he considered suicide. He says: ‘I was a typical alpha male, skipper of a fishing boat for 23 years, never ill.

‘But when I hit 55, my health went downhill. I became exhausted, woke every night dripping with sweat, my whole body ached and I was utterly depressed.

‘When I went to see my GP he was so worried he sent me straight to the Royal Infirmary in Aberdeen.

‘I was given a full health check, and they decided I was simply depressed.’
So Ian was offered Prozac — which he refused. ‘I’d read somewhere about men having menopauses, too, and I thought it was worth getting my hormone levels checked.’

When his blood tests came back, they revealed his testosterone level had ‘dropped off the bottom of the scale’. His wife was as relieved as he was to have a proper diagnosis.

The time has come when global thinking on the need to diagnose and treat testosterone deficiency should move from debate to action.

Before the treatment, Ian would fly into irrational rages, and once kicked the wall in the kitchen so hard it made a hole.

‘The treatment made such a difference to me — it was like turning the clock back 20 years or being re-born. I got my life back.

‘I felt like a young man again and today I am firing on all cylinders. My libido is what is used to be and that, of course, makes a big difference to my relationship.’

But not everyone is a fan of testosterone therapy and there are concerns about its side-effects.

A Dutch study has identified heightened aggression in male patients taking TRT, and it has also been linked to increased incidents of prostate cancer — which is affected by testosterone levels — and male pattern baldness. Some patients also report headaches and weight gain.

Professor Ashley Grossman, a consultant endocrinologist at St Bartholomew’s Hospital in London says he’s concerned that promoting the idea of the male menopause has become a useful way to make more money for drug companies and private clinics.

He insists that falling testosterone levels are no more than a natural sign of ageing in men.

‘Women suffer a sharp fall in the hormone oestrogen when they go through the menopause, and men need to realise that testosterone levels naturally fall by 2 per cent a year from the age of 40,’ he says.

But Dr Carruthers is adamant. ‘This is clinical condition — and one for which men can receive treatment,’ he says.

‘Like climate change, the time has come when global thinking on the need to diagnose and treat testosterone deficiency should move from debate to action. ‘By ignoring the problem we’re putting men, and their wives, through needless misery. ( dailymail.co.uk )

READ MORE - Sorry darling, I think it's the MANopause

The women willing to trade a year of their life for a perfect body

The women willing to trade a year of their life for a perfect body - Millions of women are so unhappy with their weight that they would trade at least a year of their life for the perfect body, disturbing research suggests.

A survey of female students aged 18 to 65 at British universities found that almost one in three would be willing to die younger in exchange for the ‘ideal’ figure of the likes of model Kelly Brook or actress Scarlett Johansson.

The finding is all the more shocking because almost all of those polled were in the normal weight range – or even underweight.

Disturbing: New research has revealed that one in three women would give up a year of their life to have the perfect body

Some 16 per cent said they would swap one year of their life for their ideal body and 10 per cent were willing to trade between two and five years.

Many women valued their lives less, with 2 per cent willing to forego up to a decade, and one per cent saying they'd give up at least 21 years younger in exchange for a slimline shape.

Overall, 30 per cent of the 320 women questioned said they would be willing to make a trade.

Across the country, this would equate to millions of women.

And with those polled ranging in age from 18 to 65, the research shows that it is not just teenage girls who are plagued with insecurities about their bodies.

Many said they would also be willing to make other sacrifices in order to look better, with friends, family and academic success all valued less than looks.

Some 13 per cent said they would take a £5,000 cut in salary, 8 per cent would forego a promotion at work and 6 per cent would give up getting a first in their degree.

Seven per cent would give up spending time with their family, 9 per cent their friends and 7 per cent would give up their health to achieve their ideal shape.

Most of those quizzed for new eating disorder charity the Succeed Foundation , had also had negative thoughts about their body in the past week, with 31 per cent feeling critical of their figure several times a day.

Ideal: Many of the women cited Kelly Brook as the celebrity with the perfect body, while actress Scarlett Johansson also rated highly

Almost half said eating disorders are an issue for women on their campus and 79 per cent would like to lose weight, despite the fact most (78 per cent) were underweight or of normal weight.

On average, the women said they wanted to lose more than a stone in weight, with just 3 per cent saying they wanted to gain weight.

Kelly Brook was most often cited as the celebrity with the perfect body, followed by singer Beyonce, then actresses Jessica Alba and Scarlett Johansson.

Dr Phillippa Diedrichs, an eating disorder expert from the University of the West of England, said that with those surveyed ranging in age from 18 to 65, it is clear that body confidence does not grow with age.

'This really highlights how important appearance is for women. Unfortunately, body weight and shape is seen as not only an indicator of how beautiful they are and also often of a marker of success in their life.

She added women don't have to go to the extremes of anorexia or bulimia for their worries about their weight to be damaging.

Repeated diets and over-exercise can take their toll on health as well as relationships.

Succeed Foundation founder Karine Berthou, who has suffered from anorexia and bulimia in the past, said the fashion industry puts too much pressure on women to be stick-thin.

She said: 'The message we get from the fashion industry is that you have to be thin to be loved and that is the wrong message.

'There are no rules in terms of size. We shouldn't focus on size, it is not an important element of life.'

But Peter Morris, a consultant clinical psychologist specialising in eating disorders at the Huntercombe Hospital (please credit if quoting) in Maidenhead, cautioned that weight concerns alone are not enough to trigger an eating disorder. ( dailymail.co.uk )

READ MORE - The women willing to trade a year of their life for a perfect body