Showing posts with label sexology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sexology. Show all posts

Top tips for boosting your sexual fitness

http://www.psychologies.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/mood-boost-exercise.jpg

Top tips for boosting your sexual fitness

Sex stamina advice for men

Sex isn’t just about self-satisfaction. In fact, if you really want to score high in the sack, it’s essential you build up your sexual stamina to last the distance and keep your other-half happy. Thankfully, a number of simple tips could help you on your way to a more fulfilling sex life. By following certain routines and adopting a few easy exercises, you’ll soon have the ladies queuing up around the block ... and improve your fitness in the process!

Staying fit and healthy for better sex

Sex may appear simple enough to master (unless you’re an inexperienced teenager or 40-year-old virgin fumbling around in the dark, that is). However, if you really want to boost the potency of your passion, it might be time you tried some of the following techniques ...

  • Working out groin musclesIf you often find yourself hobbling around with muscle pain the morning after a steamy night of passion, it might be useful to regularly stretch your groin, keeping it primed and ready for even the most outrageous sexual position. Basic groin stretches will better-prepare your body for a forthcoming sexual epic, so make sure you regularly try out a few when you get chance!
  • Building arm musclesSexual stamina can require great upper-body strength, depending on which coital position you’re planning to adopt! It may therefore be an idea to enjoy the occasional free-weights session, gradually toning up your arm muscles. We’re not saying you should build yourself up into a beefcake Adonis overnight. However, the odd bout of upper-body exercise could really keep you energised for longer-lasting sex.
  • Staying mentally focusedAn obvious one this, but if you really want to make the most of your sexual encounters, it’s vital you don’t let the possible repercussions play on your mind. Avoid worrying and allow yourself to stay focused in the bedroom by taking adequate precautions before you hop into the sack. Protect yourself against the perils of pregnancy scares with decent contraception and you’ll feel all the better for it.
  • Reducing alcohol consumptionIf your nightly routine consists of downing the odd beer (or seven) at the local bar, before stumbling home for a swift night of passionate fumbling with your other half, you may need to reassess your thirst for booze. Alcohol can seriously damage your sexual virility when consumed in heavy doses, with its depressive nature dampening testosterone levels. A few drinks with the lads may help keep up social appearances, but they certainly won’t keep up things in the bedroom. So, unless you want to suffer the wrath of a moody spouse, unfulfilled by your semi-cocked sabre, try and take it easy, else the only hot date you’ll be making will be with that lonely single-bed in the spare room.
  • Improving blood-flowBefore you sprint to the doctor’s at the first sign of erectile problems, try and adopt a more natural way of increasing the blood flow to your groin, without the aid of Viagra. By regularly flexing and massaging your body’s central groin muscles, blood will start to flow more readily in that area, allowing you to stand to attention for longer in the bedroom.
  • Flexing the abdominal musclesWhilst your torso may currently appear more of a flabby twelve-pack than a toned six-pack, a little abdominal exercise could go a long way in boosting your sexual stamina. The abs are key to providing bursts of sexual energy, driving the groin by thrusting it forwards and then releasing it. As a result, a few daily crunches or sit-ups could really develop your sex life, preventing you from flopping down onto your partner with sheer exhaustion in the middle of a bedtime romp. So build up those belly muscles and you’ll be feeling abs-olutely fabulous in no time!
  • Loving thyself ... but not too muchIt won’t make you go blind, but ‘self-love’ could certainly damage your chances of making a potent first impression. What could be worse on a hot date than whipping off your boxer shorts to reveal ... well, not much at all really? Self-pleasure may while away the lonely nights between dates but it certainly won’t do much to strengthen your credibility in the presence of a female. No matter how desperate you get, try and save your energy for the real thing ... after all, sex is a marathon, not a sprint.
  • Stretching the quads and calvesCramp is a big turn-off in the bedroom, with the quads and calves notably susceptible to sudden bouts of tightening pain. As a result, regularly stretching your leg muscles could seriously heighten your sexual experience, easing them into the demands of flexible sex-ercise. Don’t let muscular pain cramp your style ... work-out those quads and calves and you’ll soon feel the benefits.

Sex shouldn’t just be about making a quick entry and an even quicker exit. Instead, if you really want to enjoy a night of steamy passion and appease your partner in the process, it might be worth undertaking a few extra-curricular exercises and lifestyle tweaks to truly reach your optimum performance. Sexual stamina won’t come overnight but hopefully you will! ( realbuzz.com )


Blog : The Love is Beautiful
Post : Top tips for boosting your sexual fitness

READ MORE - Top tips for boosting your sexual fitness

1 in 20 women hit by early menopause: Doctors baffled at rising numbers of under-40s affected

'1 in 20 women' hit by early menopause: Doctors baffled at rising numbers of under-40s affected - More than one in 20 women go through an early menopause which puts them at greater risk of heart attack, stroke and bone disease in later life, warn researchers.

Higher than expected numbers stop having periods before the age of 40 for no known medical reason, a study has found.

Around 6 per cent of women had an unexplained premature menopause, leaving them infertile at an early age.


 Menopause
Time of life: Menopause is a natural part of ageing, but for some it comes too early


This figure is much higher than previous estimates – dating back to the Eighties – of as low as 1 per cent.

A further 2 per cent had gone through an early menopause due to cancer treatment or surgery to remove the ovaries.

Women from the lowest social class are almost three times as likely to experience menopause before the age of 40 than those from the highest social class.

The study, at Imperial College London, is one of the most comprehensive to be carried out into premature menopause. In the UK, the average age of the menopause is 51 years, when women’s natural supply of oestrogen dwindles and ovaries run out of eggs.

The lack of oestrogen means women lose their natural protection against heart disease and thinning bones.

Dr Rumana Islam, who carried out the study with Dr Rufus Cartwright, looked at the records of nearly 5,000 women, all of whom were born in Britain in a single week in 1958.

They followed up with them eight times, and at age 50 asked them about the date and cause of their menopause and their quality of life.


Smokers were most at risk of early menopause
Bad habit: Smokers were most at risk of early menopause

A total of 7.4 per cent had gone through the menopause before the age of 40, with smokers and women from the lowest social class most at risk.

Almost one-fifth had had surgical removal of the ovaries, or their ovaries had stopped functioning after chemotherapy treatment. But nearly 6 per cent had ‘unexplained’ early menopause, said Dr Islam.

Women who had an early menopause were more than twice as likely to say they had a poor quality of life ‘affecting vitality, physical function, mental health, and general health perceptions’.

Revealing the findings to the European Society for Human Reproduction and Embryology, Dr Islam said the ‘burden of physical and psychological ill-health’ imposed by early menopause meant hysterectomy (where the womb and ovaries are surgically removed) as a treatment for period problems should be avoided wherever possible.

She could not explain why early menopause is more common in poorer women, saying factors such as smoking, obesity and lack of physical exercise had already been taken into account and social class remained as an independent risk factor. She suspects doctors and women may be unaware of the health risks of going through the menopause early.

‘Not only is there a greater risk of osteoporosis, there is a higher risk of subsequent cardiovascular disease,’ she said.

‘Primary care doctors need to ask women about the menopause and advise them on what steps to take to protect their health.’

U.S. research found women who experienced menopause before the age of 46 had more than twice the risk of having a heart attack, stroke or other cardiovascular problem than those who had not gone through it by that age.

Dr John Stevenson, reader in metabolic medicine at Imperial College London, and chairman of Women’s Health Concern, said hormone replacement therapy has been found to protect the arteries.

Dr Nick Panay, chairman of the British Menopause Society, said the latest study ‘provided vital new data on the association with lower socio-economic status’. ( dailymail.co.uk )


READ MORE - 1 in 20 women hit by early menopause: Doctors baffled at rising numbers of under-40s affected

How important is sex to a marriage?

How important is sex to a marriage? - The fact that passion often wanes in marriage is no joke for many couples... so should it be more of a priority? - Many things get lost in the long haul of relationships, among them inhibitions, senses of humour, socks — and, in many cases, libido.

It is a lucky and unusual couple who, decades into a marriage, still feel the same passion for each other that ignited their early relationship.

Far more common is the story of the once-happy sex life that has waned as the years passed — that initial physical bond becoming fractured in the maelstrom of raising children, earning a living, running a house and growing older.

Loss of libido: The older we get, the less we make love according to research
Loss of libido: The older we get, the less we make love according to research

Indeed, the statistics tell a story of decline: the older we get, the less love we make. According to the most recent Sexual Wellbeing Survey, the average British person has sex 127 times a year, and the average married person has sex 98 times a year.

The Kinsey Sex Institute states that the average 18 to 29-year-old has sex 142 times a year; 30 to 39-year-olds 86 times a year; 40 to 49-year-olds 69 times a year; and the over-50s have sex 52 times a year. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Growing older in a committed relationship doesn’t have to mean a slow slide into celibacy and slippers.

Couples for whom the spark of passion still burns bright may be rarer than those whose flame is long extinguished, but they do exist.

‘My husband and I have more sex now than we did in our 30s and 40s, when we were coping with a young son and both of us were working,’ says Carol Shaw, 62.

‘Now, we make love sometimes two or three times a week. Spontaneity is the key to our physical relationship. We don’t specifically go to bed early to have sex — because we have been together so long, we know exactly what each movement, each gesture means. On holiday, we will often make love during the day, and we have experimented with Tantric sex, too.’

'After our son was born we had sex only once or twice a year. Now we've put intimacy back at the heart of our marriage, it's stronger than ever'

(Tantric sex, first practised by the ancient Hindus, is a slow form of meditative sex that’s said to increase intimacy and create a mind-body connection that can lead to powerful orgasm.)

Carol’s relationship with her 67-year-old retired husband, David, has been kept alive because each of them has refused to get complacent — something which damages many marriages.

‘All the evidence points to the fact that an active sex life keeps couples together,’ says Dr Geoff Hackett, a leading expert in sexual medicine and former chairman of the British Society for Sexual Medicine.

‘It promotes intimacy, reassurance, the realisation that both parties are wanted and needed. It is hard to find researched evidence, but most surveys point to the fact that a lack of sex in a relationship is a leading factor in break-ups.

‘Once the sex goes, so many other problems follow. It has also been proven that couples — especially men — will live longer, happier lives if they remain in a steady, loving relationship. There is no doubt that a healthy sex life is one of the most important factors in a thriving and successful marriage.’

Carol and David, who live near Inverness in the Scottish Highlands, agree. After 41 years of marriage, they still regard their sex lives as the ‘glue’ in their relationship.

Carol, a company managing director, explains: ‘A healthy physical relationship brings intimacy and comfort to a relationship, beyond words. If the sex breaks down, everything else in the relationship will suffer.

Close bond: Carol and David Shaw still enjoy regular sex in their 60s
Close bond: Carol and David Shaw still enjoy regular sex in their 60s

‘We went through a period of “aridity” in our marriage after our son was born in the Eighties, when sex happened only once or twice a year for about six years.

‘It put a big strain on our marriage. We were fractious with each other, had a lot more arguments, and we’d turn away from each other in bed.

‘The reasons were many — a young child, coping with two demanding careers — all the usual problems couples face. Thankfully, we came back together, and getting our sex life back on track was a major factor.’

Carol and David’s relationship began with a powerful physical attraction which has not waned.

‘As we’ve grown older, our love-making has become different — it is slower and more tender,’ she says. ‘But it means just as much to us as it ever did, and I hope we will continue well into our old age.

‘We are both open to experimentation — hence the willingness to try Tantric sex. We’re agreed that the key to a good marriage is sex. It is vital to our relationship. I cannot imagine a world without David, and I am sure we’ve been so happy because we’re so sexually compatible.’

Sexual medicine expert Dr Geoff Hackett stresses that the benefits of sex are physical as well as emotional.

‘It’s vitally important to our overall health,’ he says. ‘Orgasm creates a rush of endorphins within the brain, and a couple are never closer than the moment they’ve just had sex.

‘As human beings, we are programmed to seek sex. If you look at the behaviour of young people, it is all built around the need for sexual attraction. This may wane as we get older, but we are all still looking for sex, and if it goes from our marriage or relationship we will seek it elsewhere, whatever our age.’

Dr Hackett says he regularly sees patients in their 60s and 70s who are still actively seeking sex and the reassurance that they can still function.

‘The desire to have sex is innate within all of us,’ he says.

Rochelle Peachey and her husband Phil, both 46, have been married for ten years. They recognise the importance of putting constant effort into a relationship so that it remains vital and exciting, and enjoy an invigorating physical bond.

‘Sex brings a closeness that is beyond words. It relaxes you, puts you in tune with each other, and smoothes over all the everyday trials and tribulations,’ says Rochelle, who runs a dating agency with her husband.

‘I think it is especially important for men — they need to feel proud of their virility, and know that their wife finds them sexually attractive.

‘Men’s attraction is visual — they need you to be attractive to them. All around us we see couples breaking up or having affairs, and it is nearly always down to a lack of sex in the marriage. Sex can’t become a habit — you need to be inventive, and surprising, and work at it.’

She and David, who have two sons, aged 26 and 18, between them, have both been married before, and credit the success of their second marriage to the intense physical attraction between them.

Rochelle says: ‘I love the fact that Phil still fancies me just as much, if not more, than when we first met. You need to keep the sex in a marriage fresh and interesting, and never become complacent about the way you look. I see women who let themselves put on weight, never wear make-up, then wonder why their husbands are having affairs.

‘I dress in young fashions, wear high heels and beautiful lingerie, and I always have my hair and nails done.

‘When we are out, Phil will say “You are the most beautiful woman in this room”, and that gives me such a buzz.’

Rochelle and Phil, who have homes in London and Florida, enjoy sex three or four times a week, and work hard not to take each other for granted — an inevitable slip-up in many marriages, but one which happens all too easily when the pressures of everyday life bring themselves to bear.

They are proud of the efforts they make to sustain their libido. ‘We have “date nights”, when we go out for meals, and we love to dance,’ says Rochelle.

'If the sex breaks down, everything else in the relationship will suffer'

‘We often put on music at home, and we never restrict love-making to the bedroom. We try to be as adventurous as when we first got together. A bad sex life was one of the things that killed my first marriage. I have learned never to go to bed angry after a row, and never to turn Phil down.

‘We’ve been together for 18 years, so we know each other inside out, but there is no complacency.’

Relationship expert Francine Kaye runs The Divorce Doctor website and counselling service. She agrees that complacency can be the kiss of death to many relationships, stressing that making the time and effort to have sex is critical, even if you don’t feel in the mood.

‘Sex is very much the glue in a marriage,’ Francine says. ‘You simply cannot get closer than having sex. It consolidates the bond which keeps people together.

‘If you break that cycle — through tiredness, illness or career stress — then you break the bond. You have to make time for sex, no matter how exhausted you might be feeling, because it will bring you together.

‘If men are stressed, sex is what they need to make them feel better about themselves. Men don’t express their feelings verbally — making love is their way of showing their partner how much they love them.’

Francine argues that the majority of people can cope with any problem within a marriage if they have the connection of sex. If they don’t, problems can quickly become insurmountable.

Reignite passion: The over-50s only have sex 52 times a year - but it doesn't have to be that way (posed by models)
Reignite passion: The over-50s only have sex 52 times a year - but it doesn't have to be that way (posed by models)

‘I can put any couple back together if they’ve had sexual chemistry,’ she explains. ‘But if there is no chemistry, it is virtually impossible to save a marriage. If you feel the chemistry has gone but was there once, you can work at bringing it back.’

The rigours of domestic life often serve as a potent anti-aphrodisiac.

There’s nothing like having a long list of chores to do, a couple of demanding kids and several urgent errands in prospect to dim the ardour which might, just a moment ago, have briefly stirred.

So throw in a demanding job and all the other minutiae of life and it’s no surprise that many couples just cannot find the time or energy for physical abandonment.

Children are a key distraction, turning what may once have been a love nest into a family home in which romance can easily suffer.

Jason Heller, 37, and his wife Rachel, 35, are at that critical stage where young children and busy careers have shifted the focus away from life a deux.

They’re running a new business together in London — a shop, café and lounge called Huggle — and have two children, four-year-old Maya and Sam, 14 months. Both admit that their sex life has waned as a result.

WHO KNEW?

One in 20 couples are virtually celebate, rising to one in 10 among the over-45s, research suggests

Rachel says: ‘There comes a time in your marriage when your physical relationship has to take a back seat to bringing up young children. I think it’s a natural part of marriage — it will come and go, and you have to learn not to worry.’

Jason sees sex as a form of communication, a way of reassuring your partner that you love each other and everything is all right, even though life may be fraught with tension.

‘But like most parents of young children, we have less time for each other than we had before, but we accept that as part of the parenting and marriage process,’ he says.

‘We both work hard for the business, and in the evenings life is about feeding and bathing the children and reading stories to them. The days of wild abandon are gone for the moment — but I am sure they will come back.

‘I joke that I am not Rachel’s priority any more, but she knows I wouldn’t have it any other way. You have to remember there will be life again, after the children have grown up.’

Sexual medicine expert Dr Geoff Hackett advises circumspection if a couple’s sex life has waned — and professional help.

‘So much can be done to bring couples back together, and once they rediscover their sex life it is extraordinary how quickly many other issues are resolved,’ he advises.

‘Sex is the vital component in a functioning relationship, but it doesn’t have to be incredibly frequent. A couple just need to know they have those moments of intimacy which only they share, and which bond them together.’ ( dailymail.co.uk )


READ MORE - How important is sex to a marriage?

Why won't he look me in the eye when we make love?

Why won't he look me in the eye when we make love? - This probably sounds trivial, but it really affects the quality of my sex life: my partner finds it almost impossible to make eye contact in bed.

Whenever I try to gaze lovingly at him, he avoids my eyes. He's always looking down at my body, rather than at my face, which makes me feel like I could be anyone — even though I know he loves me.

My sister thinks it's because he’s shy and that at his age (52) I'm not going to change him, but I am ever the optimist. Do you think there’s anything I can do to make him hold my gaze?


Look into my eyes: A reader wants her lover to make eye contact (posed by models)
Look into my eyes: A reader wants her lover to make eye contact (posed by models)


We tend to think sex is the absolute pinnacle of intimacy, but, as many a lover can testify, prolonged and intense eye contact can prove an equally intense experience — even more so, at times.

One friend says when she first sat on a bar stool opposite her (now) husband and locked eyes she thought she would faint, as the electricity was so overwhelming.

‘Desire is never expressed quite as thrillingly as it is when transmitted via the eyes,’ she says. ‘I honestly felt I was going to have a heart attack.’

Some people shy away from this intensity precisely because it is so revealing.

You can feel far more naked than when you’re undressed if someone’s staring at you, because they seem to be penetrating your soul and reading your thoughts.

What you have to recognise is that while some people embrace that kind of emotional exposure because it’s so powerful, others flee in terror.

Your partner definitely sounds like the fleeing kind, poor chap!

Your sister calls him ‘shy’, so he probably finds it near impossible to meet a new acquaintance’s eye while in conversation, let alone hold a passionate gaze.

The fact he knows and loves you does not necessarily make the task of gazing at you less daunting.

Our ability to make good eye contact generally stems from childhood, and if his parents and friends didn’t do a lot of direct beaming and twinkling at him as a tot, then it’s hard to get the hang of it aged 52.

I’ve got one older male friend who practically turns his head 180 degrees, like an owl, when he’s talking to a stranger.

Mind you, your partner has more reasons than shyness to keep his eyes focused on your body.

Many men find it easier to lock their eyes on to their beloved’s erogenous zones than her eyes, because that act of looking at female flesh is such a key part of their erotic experience.

One man I know says when he looks at his wife’s body in bed ‘it’s sexier than the sexiest film ever made’, adding: ‘Because men have grown up in a culture where their gaze is constantly directed by magazines, TV, films and the internet to the female form they feel more licence to stare at women’s bodies than perhaps women do in reverse.’

I doubt very much that your partner is objectifying you in bed in the way you fear. Clearly you’re not just ‘anyone’ to the man who loves you.

Don’t forget, many middle-aged women would give their life’s savings to have their long-term partner gaze at their body with undisguised lust and admiration.

What you see as avoiding your eye, your boyfriend may view as naked worship of your form.

Having said that, you are certainly not alone in your quest for a little sexual eye-balling. Women naturally want to keep close tabs on the bedroom’s emotional barometer and there’s little chance of doing that if their menfolk won’t look them in the eye.

It is also true that tantric sex bases much of its practice around sustained eye contact, since this is a proven way of increasing intensity and therefore ecstasy.

It’s not unreasonable for you to request a little effort on his behalf to cast off his more diffident side. You need to explain to your man that if he doesn’t ever lock eyes with you, it’s a form of sensory deprivation.

There are certain conditions that are key to pushing each other’s erotic buttons (men are particularly interested in the power of the physical response, women in the strength of the emotional one) and it’s a little selfish not to gracefully deliver on those elements.

A friend of mine has made great strides with a similarly reserved man by offering a little light training; she says you start by holding eyes for two minutes over a drink and work your way up to repeating the exercise in bed.

She very firmly believes that old dogs can learn new tricks, but only if the trainer is patient and kind. ( dailymail.co.uk )



READ MORE - Why won't he look me in the eye when we make love?

He Wants Sex, She Doesn't. Are Beads the Answer?

He Wants Sex, She Doesn't. Are Beads the Answer? - A fortieth birthday is a big deal that calls for a big present. How about 40 straight days of sex? That's the gift that Carolyn Evans bestowed upon her husband, Ray, in January 2009. Immediately, she regretted it.

"I woke up the next morning and thought, I will not survive this," says Evans, 40, who ostensibly did not receive an identical gift on her milestone birthday. "I was at a friend's shop and I complained to him. He said maybe a token system will work better."

Reaching under the counter, her pal pulled out a dusty Mason jar housing a collection of Venetian glass beads. Forty beads, to be precise.

That's the title of Evans' new book, due out Tuesday. Part memoir, part treatise on why men like sex more than women, part instructional manual in her proprietary method that she credits with transforming a marriage on the rocks into a happily-ever-after, Forty Beads is relayed in a straight-up, slightly raunchy tone reminiscent of a giddy gathering of too-tipsy girlfriends.

The premise behind "beading" is simple: The woman keeps a bowl, a.k.a. beadcatcher, by her bedside. When her husband (or lover) is in the mood, he drops a bead into the beadcatcher. The woman has to be ready to slide between the sheets within 24 hours.


data:image/jpg;base64,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


"I figured I'd give myself a little wiggle room," says Evans, from Charleston, S.C., who comes across as a wise-cracking and self-proclaimed sexpert in the not-so-coincidental 40 chapters in her quickie beach read. "We women need a little time to get our brains around the deed. It also gives the man time to anticipate, which they love. When he drops that bead, he is filled with gratitude and love and sexual anticipation and all that positive energy gets funneled in his wife's direction. It's a little quantum mechanics, if you will."

Evans' experiment began a little over two years ago; she says the change in the dynamic between her and her husband was immediate. "At a certain point in a marriage, it's all about the to-do list, with kids and jobs and everything going on," she says. "After using the beads for just a month, I thought my marriage was better than it ever had been. The sex is just a vehicle to create this emotional connection."

For example: "He drops the bead in a bowl and all of a sudden he's scooping up the baby with the stinking butt instead of walking right past because he is so stinking happy with the promise of all this sex in his future."

(Looking out for the best interests of its female readers, Healthland asked Evans whether a woman has any recourse should her man act like a total jerk; thankfully, Evans has a clause for bad behavior. "If a bead has been dropped and the husband exhibits real a - hole behavior - not just run-of-the-mill irritating behavior - he can get turtled," says Evans, referring to a maneuver in which the disgruntled wife turns the beadcatcher over so beads roll off. "My husband got turtled once in a year.")

If all this emphasis on sex sounds a lot like amped-up teenage boys instead of grown men, you'd be wrong, says Evans; age makes no difference. "Men are always worried they won't get enough sex," she says. "My husband and I have been to lots of therapists over the years, and eventually it would come out that we don't have enough sex." Women, on the other hand, are a different breed, contends Evans; they can take it or leave it. One editor of a popular women's magazine told Evans: "Honey, you're preaching to the choir. I could go forever. I don't have to have it!"

The Forty Beads method is a way to reconcile the predicament in which Homo sapiens finds itself: "A man has to have sex to feel close, and a woman has to feel close to want to have sex with him," says Evans.

Soon enough, promises Evans, sex won't feel like a chore. "He starts giving you the best version of himself, which makes you like him more, which makes falling into the bed easier. It captures that 'just-been-laid' energy and uses it to make your marriage better." Evans writes that the principles of beading "remind you that sex is a no-brainer, a must-do if you want to enjoy the good life, which includes a really great marriage." She writes:

That little Bead in the bowl gives the friendly little nudge we all need as we tear through our crazy-busy lives...Once you get into the Beading process and experience the changes that take place in your relationship, you'll get good with gettin' down, too, because it's hard to maintain an ambivalent or negative attitude about something that makes your marriage and your life consistently so good."

That realization was too sweet to keep to herself. Others might remain tight-lipped about their bedroom antics, but not Evans: she started telling her girlfriends about her bead thang. She encouraged them to give it a whirl, handing out cranberry red beads to disciples. Forget book club or Bunco; soon she had several groups of women meeting to talk about beading. They were so excited that Evans felt compelled to share the gospel with the world, in written form.

"I am a songwriter," says Evans, who favors country music. "I am kind of a bigmouth. If I find something that works for me, I like to tell people about it."

In the end, whom does a girl turn to for advice but her mother? Evans asked her mom if she thought the beads could be responsible for the attitude adjustment in her marriage; her mom said yes. "So I said, If that's true, everyone needs to know about it." If things go Evans' way and sex sells, soon they will. ( time.com )


READ MORE - He Wants Sex, She Doesn't. Are Beads the Answer?

How to get her into your bed in half an hour?

How to get her into your bed in half an hour? - How to seduce a woman and get her into your bed in half an hour? Start improving your pick up techniques now!

Preparation and the process of choosing the target

So, how to get a woman into your bed in just half an hour? This is a tough assignment with no room for mistake. Preparations have to be made in the slightest detail. The first thing to do is to pick the place and the occasion. There are two extreme options that are best. The first is a terribly boring party, where the girl can’t wait for something to happen. The second is an erotically charged party, where the energy is visible in the eyes of the people present.

You have to be extremely careful when choosing the “victim”. It’s best to catch her when she’s ovulating. The problem is finding out whether she`s in the phase of ovulation. Try to catch her scent, observe the energy she’s moving with across the room and how she interacts with the people around her.

Check her hair and the skin on her face (if you can deduce what she’s hiding underneath the powder). All of these signs can tell you whether she’s at the peak of her sexual powers or if she’s, on the contrary, having one of those days.


http://spicezee.zeenews.com/upload/2011/4/20/love-making-150.jpg


Observe her posture, because the latter tells you a lot about her attitude towards sex. Pay attention to how her hair is tied, how straight the spine is, how relaxed her shoulders, how decisive her steps, how wide her smile and how seductive and confident her flirting – these are all signs you’re looking for in your target. Don’t judge a woman according to the clothes she wears or her make-up, or you’ll easily miss the right girl. Listen to her laughter and watch for her relaxed manner instead. This will tell you more than a mini skirt and red lipstick.

You have to sweep her off her feet with the first impression you make and overwhelm her. Therefore, you should wait until the final moment before making the first contact.

First contact

You know the scenes from movies, where two martial arts masters fight for the first time one against the other? All is silent in anticipation and the intensity grows from one second to the next. If you’ve ever watched a live fight, you know that good fighters know how to create this moment of silence, where the battle is fought on a whole new level. There’s a thick energy around them which is aimed at the opponent. This alone helps prevent many fights because the opponent is overcome by fear. You too have to gather such intent and energy for your first performance. Avoid eye contact before. When she looks into your eyes, she must see your intent without a shadow of a doubt. “Hi, I’m Peter.” It’s not about what you say. Whatever you say, tension and intent must be felt from your words. In the background, you should echo the thoughts: “I want you, now, at this moment.”

You have to pierce her soul with your eyes and send shivers down her spine. You can’t let her doubt your intentions, even though you haven’t shown them yet. You must hypnotize her, cast a spell on her with your eyes and not give her the chance to escape. You only have to do this for a moment, then you can ease off because you can frighten her or make her think you’re desperate or crazy. Right after this, turn around and focus on the rest of the company, as if she didn’t exist.

If you perform this move correctly, you will totally confuse her, which will be exhibited in her movements and her blushing. Women know when men are undressing them and poking them in their minds, so your next step will make her feel doubt and this uncertainty is the key to your success. You`re now only minutes away from getting her into your bed!

Creating chemistry and erotic tension

We can’t force chemistry. There are two options. Either we wear the least amount of artificial odors possible and hope we find the girl who likes how we smell, or we choose a perfume which we believe could be fitting. This is definitely a delicate decision on which the whole evening depends.
Your next move should put her back on the right track, the track into your bed. Don’t beat about the bush. It’s been several minutes since you said hello and time is flying. Don’t start with some stupid subject, but try to wake her up. However, don’t come right out and don`t say the words that are doomed to fail, like: “Do you want to fu..?” You should build up the erotic tension slowly and at the same time you have to impress her with your composure and daring approach. Don’t just give her compliments, but keep building the erotic tension. Touch is very important, but it’s also a double-edged sword and an indicator of your success. Unfortunately, we can’t give you anything else but some general instructions because any sentence can be great or totally ridiculous in different situations.

Above all, be honest and confident and make her feel that you’re immensely attracted to her. We can get any woman (or man) if we play on her (or his) vanity! Create the illusion that your touches are unintentional. They should be gentle but unambiguous. Play with her when she tries to find out about your intentions, change the subject and come back even more intensely in the next sentence. Touch her and when she wants to see a purpose in your eyes, don’t give her any. When you see the confusion in her eyes, look at her so deeply and intensely as if she was already in your bed and you’re just waiting for the first thrust. This game should be fluid and very intense.

If there’s a chance to dance, use it. Physical contact has its charms and if chemistry is in your favor, your chances of success are that much greater. An erotic dance should not be ambiguous. Don’t hide your erection and let her know how attractive you find her. If you’ve been able to maintain the erotic tension up to this point, the touch of your bulge will transform her to the place where you want her to be.

But don’t force her if she doesn’t let you into her space herself. Don’t start groping her or something similarly stupid. Only primitive people and children do that. Even if she wants sex, we mustn’t give it to her right away because her desire must grow. She must want your penis, not your hands. It doesn’t matter what kind of dance it is and what kind of dancer you are. Let her know you want her so much it hurts, but don’t show it in a physical sense, except with the fire in your eyes and with your tight trousers.

As you can see, it`s not that easy to seduce a woman and also get her into your bed in just half an hour, but practice, as always, makes perfect. Good luck! ( timesofindia.hotklix.com)


READ MORE - How to get her into your bed in half an hour?

When It Comes to Sex, Women Put Quality before Quantity

When It Comes to Sex, Women Put Quality before Quantity - MOST men in heterosexual relationships feel they are not having enough sex, but seem more satisfied than women with the sex they are having, an Australian study has found.

Whether we have our desired amount of sex influences not only how happy we are with our sex life, but also our overall relationship, the researchers found.

Their study of more than 6500 men and women in regular relationships showed 54 per cent of men and 42 per cent of women were not satisfied with the amount of sex they were having. But while the dissatisfied men overwhelmingly wanted more sex, one-third of the dissatisfied women wanted less.


http://stat.k.kidsklik.com/data/photo/2011/04/12/1302331620X310.jpg


The study's co-author, Juliet Richters, of the School of Public Health and Community Medicine at the University of NSW, said often women preferred sex involving more than traditional intercourse. When this was not forthcoming, they could lose interest.

"They are just not getting the sex they want," she said.

"We have this idea that sex should revolve around intercourse and that favours the man of course,' she said.

This mismatch in expectations could partly explain why the women were less likely to be satisfied with their relationship despite being more satisfied with the amount of sex they were having, the research team wrote in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy.

Associate Professor Richters said the groups of men most likely to want less sex were aged 16 to 24, or those who had been in their relationship less than one year.

"If you look at some of the research it seems it often takes men of that age about a year to commit to a relationship, or longer," she said. "There are quite a lot of men who seem to get into relationships and start having sex and they are not at all sure that is what they want.'

The researchers said middle age seemed to be particularly unsatisfying for men.

'It may be no coincidence that this is when many couples face competing demands on their time, such as as juggling careers and raising a young family,' they said.

'It may also be possible that some women desire sex more often earlier in a relationship, or feel safer refusing sex in longer, more established relationships.' ( Sydney Morning Herald )


READ MORE - When It Comes to Sex, Women Put Quality before Quantity

Sex and jogging can cause heart attacks if not done regularly

Sex and jogging can cause heart attacks if not done regularly - Sex can kill you if you're not in shape, researchers in Massachusetts have concluded.

Indeed, sudden spurts of moderate or intense physical activity like passionate sex (or even jogging) by people who don't get regular exercise greatly increase their chance of having a heart attack, researchers at Tufts Medical Center in Boston announced Tuesday.

Dr. Issa Dahabreh, whose study appears in the March 23 issue of the Journal of the American Medical Assn., explained that people are 3.5 times more likely to get a heart attack when they are exercising compared to when they are at rest. Likewise people are 2.7 times more likely to have a heart attack when they are having sex (or immediately afterward) than when they are not having sex.


http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/photos/uncategorized/2009/01/19/heart.jpg

Sex and jogging can cause heart attacks if not done regularly


Jessica Paulus, a researcher who worked on the study and who also teaches at Harvard, told Reuters that she doesn't want people to think that exercise (or sex) is bad for one's health.

Indeed, the study found that every time a person exercised in a week, they lowered their chances of a heart attack by 45%. But when sudden activity is attempted by people who usually aren't active, problems can take place. Sometimes serious problems.

"If you take 1,000 people, each individual session of physical or sexual activity per week can be associated with an increase of one to two cases of heart attack or sudden cardiac death per year," Paulus said. "The recommendation from our paper is consistent with current guidelines, that those looking to initiate an exercise program, especially those at higher risk, do so very gradually and under the care of a clinician or physician." ( latimes.com )



READ MORE - Sex and jogging can cause heart attacks if not done regularly

The six biggest sex mistakes women make and reasons why women make them

The six biggest sex mistakes women make and reasons why women make them - Ladies, be honest: when your sex life becomes a little humdrum, out comes the mental catalogue of all the ways your partner isn’t quite measuring up.

Guys tend to get a bad rap when it comes to understanding women’s bodies and what turns us on, making them easy targets in the blame game when sexual satisfaction starts to wane. And sure, they make their fair share of bedroom errors. But as the saying goes, it takes two to tango. As it turns out, top sex and relationship experts say that women make plenty of sex mistakes of their own. Here’s what they have to say about the six most common mistakes women make in the bedroom and what you can do to get the satisfaction you so rightly deserve.


http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTkdqvCKHsgRR8BYcLUUoL5ArOXGPZ2ijZtOlZR8FYEbz8CehTrpg


Sex Mistake #1: Not Initiating Sex With Your Partner

Many of us worry about ladylike behavior. We don’t want to appear pushy or come on too strong for fear of being labeled aggressive. According to Les Parrot, professor of psychology at Seattle Pacific University and author of a new book called Crazy Good Sex, failing to initiate sex is one of the biggest mistakes women make.

“Most guys feel like they are always the initiator and that sets up disequilibrium on the passion scale in the relationship,” he says. Generally, men want to be pursued by their partners just as much as women do.

Holding onto outdated ideas about sex roles also inhibits satisfaction with our sexual relationships, says "Dr. Ruth," aka Ruth Westheimer, PhD, a psychosexual therapist, professor at New York University, and lecturer at Yale and Princeton universities. “They used to think that women are less interested in sexual activity and I don’t want to say that anymore. I think there are women who are as interested in sex [as men].”

Show your interest by taking the first step from time to time. Your partner will likely appreciate it, and you may find a new level of satisfaction in taking responsibility for your sexual experience, something Westheimer feels strongly women must do.

Sex Mistake #2: Worrying About What You Look Like

Thinking about how you look during sex stops you from enjoying yourself and ruins your chances of achieving an orgasm.

“Don’t think about the fat on your belly or the makeup on your face,” advises Westheimer. “Concentrate on the pleasure of the act. You must give yourself permission to have an orgasm.”

“Men want their wives to abandon themselves in sex play, and that’s not likely if she is anxious about her physical concerns,” Parrott says.

“It’s amazing what men don’t notice if you’re enthusiastic, energetic, interested in them, and flexible minded.”

According to Fisher, there is an evolutionary explanation for the selective blindness men show to our physical flaws. For Darwinian reasons, says Fisher, men are (unconsciously, of course) looking for women who are able to bear healthy babies. Starting millions of years ago, men who attracted fertile women and had a lot of children lived on. Those who couldn’t died out. Although maybe not as necessary today, Fisher says that primal survival mechanism lives on.

“Men are much more attracted to women who show signs of health and youth and fertility. Rather than worry about the shape of your waist and hips, worry about your energy level and enthusiasm and interest in him,” Fisher advises.

Sex Mistake #3: Assuming Sex Is Casual for a Man

Westheimer believes we should all let go of old-fashioned notions, such as women are not sexual or that sex is just sex to men. “For some men, sex is a very important act. Don’t minimize it.”

The research, says Parrott, supports the idea that both men and women find sexual intimacy in the context of a committed relationship to be more satisfying.

“Numerous research studies make it very clear that the people who have the best quality and most frequent sex are married couples. That says a lot about the inadequacies of ‘casual sex,” Parrot says.

In a study being conducted by Fisher and her colleagues of university students engaging in one-night stands, the numbers show that men are just as serious about sex and relationships as women. In fact, more than 50% of women and 52% of men who went into a one-night stand, according to Fisher, reported that they did so hoping to create a longer relationship. One-third of them actually did so. What’s the lesson?

“Never assume that a man is not romantic,” Fisher says. “Two huge mistakes in this culture are that women are not sexual and that men are not as romantic [as women].”

Sex Mistake #4: Believing He’s Always Up for Sex

Sure, most teenage boys are ready and willing just about any time you ask, but not true for men. The pressures of everyday life -- family, work, bills -- can zap a man’s libido. This comes as a big surprise to many women, and often his lack of interest in sex is something we take personally.

“It comes as such a shock [to women] that they just don’t believe it,” Fisher says about the reaction many women have when their partner says they aren’t in the mood for sex. “They know themselves that they are not always interested in sex but they still love the man. But when they discover he doesn’t want to have sex, they think, ‘he doesn’t love me.’ Not true. He just doesn’t want to have sex.”

Talking very directly about sex, what we like and don’t like can make us feel uncomfortable, even with a partner we’ve been with for a long time and otherwise feel close to, says Parrott. But it’s the only way to achieve a satisfying sexual relationship.

“A woman must take responsibility for her sexual encounter,” says Westheimer. “No man can bring a woman to orgasm if she doesn’t take responsibility for her sexual experience. Even the best lover can’t know what she needs without her letting him know.”

The good news, according to Fisher, is that men very much want to please women.

“If you can tell them in a way that doesn’t kill their ego, they will appreciate it,” says Fisher. She advises women to sandwich what they don’t like in between five things they do, because he’s listening. “You won’t find out until the next time you’re in bed with him. But men do listen, particularly if you’re quite clear about it.”

Sex Mistake #6: Getting Upset When He Suggests Something New

After a couple has been together for a while, it’s natural to want to spice things up with a little variety. Just because your man wants to try something new doesn’t mean he’s unhappy with you or your sex life. In short: Don’t take it personally.

Still, it’s important that you tune into your comfort zone says Parrott.

“Nobody should ever feel obligated to do something they don’t want to do in the personal and intimate area of sexuality,” Parrott says. “If your man asks you about trying something that’s outside of your morals, make it clear that it’s off limits for you and explain why. Of course, do this in a loving way as best you can. If it is something that is not really a moral issue for you but you still don’t want to, again explain why. If it is a simply a startling request and you’re initially uneasy about it, try not to overreact. Instead, let him know you need some time to think about it.” ( webmd.com )



READ MORE - The six biggest sex mistakes women make and reasons why women make them

Why are bisexual women more likely to have tried anal sex?

Why are bisexual women more likely to have tried anal sex? - Have you heard the latest report on Americans' sex habits? The study, Sexual Behavior, Sexual Attraction, and Sexual Identity in the United States, comes from the National Survey of Family Growth, the country's most respected periodic sex survey.

Media reports about the study have noted what seems to be a resurgence of virginity. But the data also show something more surprising: Compared with women who are totally straight, women who are slightly bisexual are more likely to have tried various sex acts with men. In fact, compared with totally straight women, women who are fully bisexual or lesbian are more likely to have tried anal sex.

Why?

Let's start with the study's more obvious findings.


http://img.slate.com/media/1/123125/2100252/2280281/2287478/110307_HN_bisexualTN.jpg

One man, two women


1. Virginity restoration.

You can't recover your lost virginity. But as libertines age and virgins are born, a country can recover its old virginity rate. In the 2002 NSFG survey, 22 percent of men and women between the ages of 15 and 24 said they had never had sexual contact with another person. But in the latest NSFG survey, taken from 2006 to 2008, that number increased to 27 percent of men and 29 percent of women. In the broader age pool, the trend is diluted but still shows up: Among people ages 15-44, the percentage reporting zero lifetime opposite sex partners increased by two points among men (Table 4, Page 35) and three points among women (Table 3, Page 34). (In case you're wondering, no, there was no shift in reported homosexuality that would account for this increase.) The percentage of men ages 15-44 who reported only one lifetime female partner also increased by two to three points. So if you thought sexual mores were moving inexorably in the direction of more, earlier, and kinkier activity, think again. Virginity can return, and apparently, it has.

2. Normality and age.

At ages 15-17, only 33 percent of females and 32 percent of males say they've had vaginal sex. By ages 18-19, the norm has reversed: 62 percent of females and 66 percent of males say they've done it. And by ages 20-24, 85 percent of women and 82 percent of men have done it. Oral sex follows a similar trajectory: The percentage of females who say they've done it goes from 30 percent at ages 15-17 to 63 percent age ages 18-19, and then to 81 percent at ages 20-24. In the same sequence of age brackets, the percentage of males who say they've done it goes from 35 to 70 to 80. Statistically, both acts are abnormal below age 18 but normal above it.

3. The top of the bottom?

Five months ago, I noted that a different sex survey showed a big, long-term increase in anal sex reported by women. But there's no guarantee that this trend will continue. In the NSFG, anal sex, like vaginal and oral sex, becomes far more common as teenagers mature. Between ages 18-19 and 20-24, it doubles in prevalence in both sexes. Still, it peaks at 39 percent among women and 45 percent among men, never crossing the statistical threshold of normality. And the percentage of people ages 15-44 who say they've had anal sex hardly budged from 2002 to 2006-8. (It went from 34 to 35.8 percent among men, and from 30 to 30.7 percent among women—not a significant difference.) So it's possible that the surge of reported anal sex will peter out.

4. The heterosexuality gap.

In 2002, among people ages 18-44, men were more likely than women to report being attracted only to the opposite sex. At that time, the gap was six to seven percentage points. In the 2006-8 data, the gap has increased to more than 10 percentage points. Ninety-four percent of men, compared with 83 percent of women, say they're attracted only to the opposite sex. Why? Maybe, as anecdotes suggest, women's sexuality is, on average, more fluid than men's. Maybe the taboo against lesbianism has relaxed more than the taboo against male homosexuality. Either way, the gap bears watching.

5. Bisexuality and experimentation.

Among men ages 18-44, homosexuality correlates with sex acts as you'd expect. The gayer the man, the less likely he is to have had any kind of sex with a woman .

But this pattern doesn't hold among women. Start with vaginal sex. Women who say they're attracted only to men are more likely to report that they've had vaginal sex than are women who say they're equally, mostly, or exclusively attracted to women. That makes perfect sense. But women who say they're attracted mostly to men are even more likely to report having had vaginal sex. Isn't that odd? A woman who's mostly rather than entirely straight presumably diverts some of her sexual energy away from men. How does she end up more likely to have had vaginal intercourse?

You could brush off this oddity by noting that the range of variation among these three groups of women, in terms of whether they've had vaginal sex, is fairly narrow. But shift your attention to oral sex, and the pattern gets sharper. Women who say they're attracted only to men are more likely to report having had oral sex with a man than are women who say they're equally, mostly, or exclusively attracted to women. But women who say they're attracted mostly to men are even more likely to report oral sex with a man. And here, the gap is bigger: Compared with exclusively straight women, mostly straight women are more likely to have had oral sex with a man by a margin of 9 percentage points.

Move on to anal sex, and the pattern gets even stranger. Again, women attracted mostly to men are more likely to say they've had anal sex with a man than are women attracted onlywomen, the figure is 41 percent. Lesbian and bisexual women are more likely than totally straight women to say they've had anal sex with a man. to men. And in the case of anal sex, the gap is huge: While 30 percent of the totally straight women say they've had anal sex, 55 percent of the mostly straight women say they've done it. But get this: Among women who say they're attracted equally, mostly, or exclusively to

If you find this number hard to believe, check it against a related finding in the same table: 48 percent of women who self-identify as gay or bisexual report having had anal sex with a man, compared with 33 percent of women who self-identify as straight. This gap is true of anal sex, but not of vaginal or oral sex.

What could explain this?

The last time I wrote about anal sex, I learned not to generalize too much. In some cases, the key factor might be how much pleasure a woman gets from vaginal sex. That factor could correlate with female heterosexuality and, at the same time, make a woman less likely to try anal sex. In other cases, a history of inconsiderate male partners might correlate both with anal sex and with a woman's statement that she's more attracted to women than to men. Or maybe calling yourself fully heterosexual is simply the default answer of women who have limited or no sexual experience. But each of these theories has trouble accounting for the data on vaginal and oral sex.

Here's my best guess: In many if not most cases, openness to experimentation is driving everything else. Adventurousness makes a woman more likely to try various sex acts with men. And at the same time, it makes her more likely to express interest in other women. This factor would have to be strong enough in bisexual women, on average, to overcome the statistical effects of clear-cut lesbians who do nothing sexual with men.

The unkind way of putting this, from a liberal point of view, is that women who claim to be exclusively heterosexual are, on average, more conventional or uptight than women who report having some interest in other women. These "exclusively" straight women might not even be exclusively straight. They're just obtuse to their wayward feelings, or afraid to admit them. The equally unkind view, from a conservative perspective, is that sexual mores are collapsing in all directions.

To me, this theory does the best job of explaining why the experience gap between mostly and exclusively straight women increases as you go from vaginal to oral to anal sex—and why lesbian and bisexual women exceed exclusively straight women only in the case of anal sex. The kinkier the deed, the more it correlates with a woman's lesbian interest, her awareness of that interest, or her willingness to admit it. ( slate.com )




READ MORE - Why are bisexual women more likely to have tried anal sex?

My lover says I'm too loud in bed - but I think HE is too quiet

My lover says I'm too loud in bed - but I think HE is too quiet - I'm a pretty uninhibited sort of person and have always been quite voluble in the bedroom. This hasn't fazed any of my previous boyfriends, and I've got to the grand age of 38 without it proving a problem.

But my current partner, who is from a very repressed family, is always telling me to 'Shh!' when we're making love — and he's so quiet in bed.

He's worried the neighbours will hear something, but I think that's the last thing that should be on his mind at the height of passion. How can I get him to loosen up?


When Harry Met Sally
Disobeying the basic rules of etiquette: Having a partner as loud as Meg Ryan in THAT scene from When Harry Met Sally can be mortifying


Many people wish their beloved had a volume control. There are those, like your boyfriend, who are mortified by their partner’s deafening expressions of ecstasy, while others just long for some vocal sign of their sweetheart’s enthusiasm.

I’m not sure which is worse: the lover who wakes the entire street or the one who’s quiet as a mouse. But it seems to me that both examples are disobeying the basic rules of etiquette.

It’s clearly inconsiderate to inflict noisy lovemaking on anyone within earshot, but it’s also discourteous to give no murmurs of encouragement to a partner who’s striving for your pleasure.

It sounds as if you and your boyfriend have to find a balance between these two extremes. It’s not just a question of getting him to ‘loosen up’; you’re going to need to modify your behaviour, too.

Have you tried asking any of your exes if they ever thought you were a little too loud in bed? They may not have mentioned it (I think chaps tend to have more manners than we give them credit for), but they might have longed for a little restraint. At least then you’d know whether your boyfriend has got a reasonable case.

Your boyfriend may have a good point, too, when he worries about the neighbours. In 2009, Caroline Cartwright, from Sunderland, was served with an Asbo after her loud lovemaking was deemed a nuisance for her neighbours.

One resident told the magistrates’ court: ‘There was a lot of moaning and groaning and screaming, as if in pain.’

Don’t delude yourself that just because previous boyfriends haven’t been deterred by your raucous lovemaking others in the vicinity haven’t been offended.

I stayed in a hotel in Paris a couple of years ago and was kept awake all night by the sound of a neighbouring couple making ear-piercing love.

The woman sounded as if she was auditioning for Meg Ryan’s infamous scene in When Harry Met Sally when she fakes an orgasm in a packed restaurant — only this moaning went on ad infinitum.

Another friend talks dolefully of ‘the squealer’, who was her flatmate’s girlfriend for one sleep-deprived year.

Having said that, there’s nothing more disconcerting to an exuberant suitor than someone who makes love in hushed shame, like a fugitive. But you have to understand the reasons for such rectitude.

Some, like your partner, have a repressed background where all sexual behaviour was seen as shameful; they will need to be secure in a partner’s love before they can begin to allow themselves to express their feelings.

You don’t want to hector or intimidate your partner if he feels inhibited — it’s far better for you to tone down your own liveliness a little and encourage him to emote.

Did your partner attend boarding school or any similarly regimented institution? Many middle-aged men with that background were trained to keep rowdy emotions in check.

I was amused by this passage in U.S. writer Tad Friend’s hilarious account of WASP (White Anglo-Saxon Protestant) culture, Cheerful Money: ‘I realise now that my family and their set equated sex with a loss of control and reputation... So sex, like sleep, ought to be practised quietly and in the dark.’

The remark could equally be applied to a generation of British stiff-upper-lip types. You can’t expect such a man simply to stop worrying about the neighbours.

Likewise, you need to bear in mind how mortifying it is to such a soul to be bullied into warbling in bed like a kettle on the boil.

So here’s the deal I think you should strike with your man. He has to stop his shushing in bed because that’s really disconcerting. No one wants their lover to behave like an over-zealous librarian.

And it’s reasonable to ask that he expresses enough passion to let you know that he’s close to climax.

But you, in turn, need to modify your noise levels to accommodate his concerns.

There’s a difference between carefree self-expression and exhibitionism.

Most of us believe sex is a private matter and should not be shared with the Joneses.

Remember that we talk about people making ‘sweet music’ together, not a terrible cacophony. ( dailymail.co.uk )




READ MORE - My lover says I'm too loud in bed - but I think HE is too quiet