'We're all such mean girls': Writer argues that it's in our nature to hate other women

'We're all such mean girls': Writer argues that it's in our nature to hate other women - It's a brave statement to make - and is likely to be countered by the many billions of women who dote on their best female friends.

But writer Kelly Valen has sparked controversy in the U.S. by claiming that women are 'inordinately' mean to each other.

Her new book, The Twisted Sisterhood, discusses what she calls 'the dark side of female friendship', and argues why she believes women hate each other far too much.

The dark side of female friendship: Writer Kelly Valen believes that it is in our nature to be hurtful to other women, and that we hate each other far too much

'Females draw people in, we're intimate, we share so much,' she explained in an interview with The Times today.

'But it is this expectation of warmth and nurturing that creates a greater disappointment. It tees you up for this really great fall.'

The mother-of-four, who is a lawyer and part-time writer, says is not on a mission to criticise her sex.

Her book is based on personal experience, and the idea was sparked by a chance meeting with a former sorority 'sister'.

Valen was reminded of a traumatic time at university, when she lost her virginity to a fellow student who raped her when she had passed out after getting drunk.

But she says the sequence of events that followed was worse still. Her fellow sorority members isolated her, implying that she was to blame for the rape, before eventually excluding her from the club altogether.

Personal experience: Kelly Valen felt betrayed as a student after she was excluded by her sorority sisters

'Their betrayal cut so deep that it has left me anxious and cowering to this day,' she wrote.

'One minute I was hosting all-girl slumber parties, the next thing I knew a tsunami of mean-girling descended and I found myself feeling awkward and wary around women for more than a decade.

'Expectations ran high, the let-down cut deep, and the fall from that innocent sisterly grace proved very, very steep.'

It inspired her to write an article about it for the New York Times, which led to such a huge response from readers, Valen decided to turn her piece into a book.

Of course, the feedback was not all positive, and she endured more than her fair share of criticism.

''I had all these women writing to me, hundreds of them, to say that finally someone was talking about it.

'I thought, this is interesting - who knew I was the only one? But there was also so much venom. All these loud voices, with so many misunderstandings and personal attacks - "she must be a terrible mother", or "she has post-traumatic stress disorder".

'I think that some women don't really want to believe this is going on. The cat-fighting is what sells, that's what people love to talk about - it's Angelina versus Jen all over the media, all the gossip at the office. But no one is talking about what this does to people,' she added.

Valen admits that her claims are not based on scientific fact, though she has done a study of 3,000 women into how they relate to other women, and 76per cent admitted to having 'felt hurt by jealousy or competition from other women'.

'The luxury of not being a scientist is that I don't have to quantify anything,' she explains.

'This is a book about women, for women - and a lot of them do feel that these are inordinately rough conditions.' ( dailymail.co.uk )

Enter your email address :

---